🦇pissing on today🦇

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.

World Heritage Post

im going to fix my entire life

When?

Like Um. later

can you take my white ass to funkytown

nope. torture city again

come on

wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon

"i ate too many cookies" is truly an ageless problem. an unlearnable lesson.

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown breakfast

who on earth is out there waking up early to get shit done??? the purpose of waking up early is to have QUIET TIME LOUNGING IN BED before the world gets LOUD & ANNOYING AS FUCK

so much respect to the people in the notes waking up early to play video games, watch tv, phone scroll, and in general Fuck Around for a few hours before the world intrudes. now THAT'S productivity!

everyone more pretentious than me is an insufferable poseur and everyone less pretentious than me is a clueless philistine