saki archives

The Sentence of the Valar

It is a family joke that Maitimo was the easiest birth of the seven. None of Fëanáro's children question this, not even Maitimo himself. After all, he is steady and patient, the best little-brother wrangler and the favourite small-child babysitter. Of course it would be him, out of all of them, who gave their mother the least amount of trouble even in the womb. 

It is also a lie. 

Most do not remember Nerdanel’s pregnancy, for she spent the bulk of it at Mahtan’s house, far away from the eyes and speculation of Tirion’s court. Safely hidden among her family, Fëanáro watched with growing horror as things began to go wrong. The baby’s spirit seemed to share Fëanáro’s fire, burning white-hot inside of Nerdanel. For months she lay in bed, feverish, delirious. 

Fëanáro refused to leave her side, trying to coax drops of water between her dry, cracked lips. “Please, love,” he begged. “Just a little more, only one more sip. Please.”

Nerdanel placed his hand on her stomach. “Do you feel him, Fëanáro? He is so strong already. Too strong for someone like me.”

“No, no, you must not speak that way. He will need you. I need you.” He kissed her forehead. Be kind to your mother, little one, he thought, placing a hand on her stomach. He could feel the baby burning like a coal within her. Gentle your flame! Please. I do not want you to be born with my grief. I do not know if I have the strength of my own father to carry on if my wife dies. 

Please, please, do not die. 

It was a close thing, a night of screaming and blood and too much pain, but in the end Nerdanel survived the birth of their child. She smiled up at Fëanáro, soaked in sweat, glowing with pride. “Look at him, Fëanáro,” she said, her eyes half-closed. “Look at our child. Our perfect Maitimo.”

“He is the most wonderful child in the world,” said Fëanáro, his heart breaking open with love. That love sat side-by-side with terror, for Nerdanel remained weak and could not leave her bed for a whole year. But soon, she recovered, returning to her craft and chasing their little one around the hallways of their house.

Fëanáro would have been happy with just the one. To ask for more felt like asking for trouble, and Fëanáro did not want to risk Nerdanel’s life. Not a second time. But Nerdanel wanted more children. 

“You promised me at least four,” she reminded Fëanáro, half-teasing and half-serious. “And our Maitimo needs a sibling or three to get into trouble with. Look at how perfect our little one is! How can you not want more?”

“I do want more children,” said Fëanáro. “Of course I do. But I do not want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” promised Nerdanel, stronger than iron.

And so Makalaurë was soon born, screaming loud enough to shake the windowpanes, and then Tyelkormo, always full of energy, and then Carnister and Curufinwë and the twins. Each birth sent Fëanáro into a spiral of worry; each one ending in relief and joy. 

None of them as terrifying or hard as Maitimo’s had been.

No one knew the truth and Fëanáro, who did not want his first-born to grow up under the same shadows as he had, was more than happy to spread the lie. Finwë and Nerdanel and Mahtan agreed. Let Maitimo never know how close he came to killing his mother. Let him live free of such a stain.

All of My belly is full of things, my original horror comic, in one place, for your reading convenience.

I was hoping I could finish it in time to post it during the Pride Month, but that option's no longer realistic… So you're getting another sneak peek at the wip! Done in 1/3rd

Elros and Elrond, aged 13: a moment of realisation — I will one day choose the kindred of men.

I did not wish to be the most exciting part of the greatest, most tragic of love songs in this land. Nor did I wish to be Dior and his sons, killed before I even knew there was a choice to be made. I did not wish for my choice to be a punishment for daring to throw myself from a window in despair. And most of all, Elrond—I feared the fate of Eärendil.

For I had always had a twin. Always, always beside me, I had my Elrond. Who was my playmate every day of my life, mine from womb to war, who joined in every game I ever played, argued against anything I ever said, squealed when I pinched him, with whom I halved every sweet I have ever received. Elrond, who would crawl into my bed at dawn because he swore his side of the room was too cold, Elrond, who would sit by my side as I looked out of the window and told him stories I made up just for him, Elrond, who had the audacity to be fast asleep as I did. That had been my life, all my life. And so, the story of Eärendil, the supposed reward for his deeds and the result of his choice of kindred, a choice he made for the person he loved most in the world, even the slightest possibility of such a fate struck only cold fear in my heart.

I could not bear to sail the skies alone, hingeing my hopes upon the breaking of the world. There is no eternity for me. Not without you. Not without my Elrond.

This was a lighting study of the adolescent twins from a couple of weeks back that characteristically got out of hand... Words from a longfic I’m currently cooking, featuring an extract from a letter written by a dying Elros to his brother, attempting to explain that he chose the kindred of Men not because he wished to be parted from his twin, but because he couldn’t bear the thought.

Like this Celebrimbor by Angus McBride. Like yes you’re right the guy who forged the rings was ripped AND of course he did it shirtless how could I be so stupid not to realise

And this Morgoth and Fingolfin by Eric Velhagen. Of course theyre shredded I’ve been so blind but now my eyes are open

Melian/Half-Elves

Arafinweans

Nolofinweans

Finweans

Tyelko, yet again!

(2/7 on a series i decided to make on a whim)