saki archives

"What? How, did you place some curse on him?"

"No! But I think I know which law he broke, that the Valar will not return him."

"Which one?" The Valar had not prohibited the return of others who killed or even tortured children; Fingon had seen both Celegorm's old friends and former thralls of Angband around the city.

"First, were you and Maedhros married?"

"How is that any of your business when you're the reason he's dead?"

"Because I'd rather not break his privacy, but his husband deserves to know all I can guess of Maedhros's heart."

Fingon didn't know what people though of him and Maedhros lately. His father had likely guessed years ago in Barad Ethel, and his mother five centuries after Fingon's rebirth where he was still refusing all attempts at courtship. But Maedhros and Fingon had agreed to keep it secret, and had not had the chance to speak over if that still applied.

After a few moments, Elrond said, "I know he was married to someone, and widowed before the Third Kinslaying."

Fingon sighed. "Please do not tell anyone else, but yes. Maedhros and I were married."

Elrond nodded. "I will keep your secret. To start, I should say that some historian copied my birth date wrong. Elros and I were sixteen when Maedhros and Maglor attacked Sirion, not six."

"Still children, you didn't deserve what they did to your home."

"We didn't, but we were Men of sixteen years rather than elves. Grown enough to fight, and to kill Feanorian soldiers, and be taken captive against the real chance we would lead an army in vengeance."

"Fine, I've seen Men about that age. Young and coltish and stupid, but not much different than an elf at fifty." Fingon at fifty had ignored consequences to the point of flirting with a cousin nearly twice his age.

"About a year after they attacked Sirion, Maedhros came down to the dungeons. I didn't learn this until much later, talking to Maglor, but Maedhros at times had days or weeks where he couldn't sleep unaided. When you were alive, he relaxed safe in your arms after sex. After, Maglor was able to enchant him enough to fall asleep, or after a month Maedhros would just pass out where he stood."

Fingon nodded. Maedhros had tried to hide the issue, but it had indeed there had been many times Fingon would visit Himring and the steward would be openly relieved.

"You were dead, and Maglor had a sore throat, and Maedhros had an attack on an orc camp planned for the next morning. So he invited me to his bed, and I accepted."

"A sixteen year old child, you were that tempting to him?"

"Maybe; I do have some the family look. But I think he just wanted someone he wouldn't have to look in the eye later. I wanted at least a few hours out that cell, though I gave my word not to attack him or try to escape. He looked like he enjoyed it, and he slept afterwards."

"Do you think the Valar care specifically about not fucking prisoners, or about you being an adult by the standard of Men but not Elves when Maedhros gave in to you?"

"Probably not, but I want to be clear that I have no romantic desire for him, and no wish to take him from you." Elrond rolled his shoulders, then resumed his story, poised as if expecting a blow. "I didn't have much practice in keeping my mind closed during high emotion, whether battle or grief or pleasure, but it didn't matter as he was nothing but a fortress wall for the windstorm of my thoughts to hit. Maedhros kept his mind completely closed whenever he wanted sex, which happened a few more times. Perhaps twice a year for the next ten, Maedhros would offer a night in a soft bed, and I usually accepted."

"What did he do when you refused?" Fingon couldn't think of anything else to say, not around the jealousy and the anger. How dare Elrond know Maedhros's touch, how dare Maedhros give his affection to any beyond Fingon. They were married, did that mean nothing once Fingon was out of sight? If Maedhros had been reborn first, would he have found a new lover every year until he ran through the willing in Tirion?

"Nothing, just walked away. But one night, as I reached out in pleasure, I felt Maedhros reaching back. Not for long, or in words, but the hope for connection above a yawning gulf of despair. I held on, and for a moment I felt his mind in every detail; a life far too long to be read in an instant but with the grief of a lost partner and the anger at both of us for a poor imitation, hatred of Morgoth for killing so many he loved and of the loved ones for dying, fear of failing his family only outweighed by fear of imprisonment. It was far more intimate than anywhere he had touched on my body or I on his, and I realized I had been just as lonely as he was. Then the fortress walls of his mind built up in moments, and I felt his hand around my throat."

"What? That sounds like a bond, but was it just lack of air?"

"I wondered that as well, but I don't think I would have imagined his mind like that, certainly not with him strangling me. I kicked and screamed, and was able to mostly fight Maedhros off for a minute as he tried to kill me. Maglor burst in the door, and there were guards not far behind to drag me back to the cell. Maglor thought I'd finally attacked Maedhros, in revenge for my city or how he used me, and neither Maedhros or I explained much detail. In spring when the roads were thawed enough to travel, Elros and I were sent away to the army of the Valar."

"Why in Arda would Maedhros do that?"

"Because he noticed the bond as well, and hoped the distance would lessen it. I suppose he could have just killed me in the cell, but the attack on Sirion had shown that even Feanorian soldiers have their breaking point of horrors they will support, and it differs for everyone. "

"Did he say that?"

"No, but it fits. And it was a real bond of some sort, I felt when he died, even though it was hours after he and Maglor had attacked the camp."

"So, besides telling me that you slept with my husband, what is the point of this conversation?"

"I think Maedhros is still dead because of the marriage bond, weak and accidental as it was. The Valar have decreed that no one can have two living spouses, and here sit both you and I. Unless the Valar overturn the Statute of Finwe and Miriel, or rule that it doesn't apply, I don't think he'll be reborn."

Fingon saw the path forward just as clearly as he ever had. Across a crowded ballroom or a dark pier, he always knew how to get back to Maedhros. "Not as long as you're alive."

"Or as long as you are; if you care about him living for his own sake not just yours."

"I've never been that selfless, or that honorable when he's involved. But given you caused the harm it seems fair enough. "

"I have my own wife to stay alive for, and as Luthien's line I doubt I'll stay dead for long."

"It might be long enough; and once Maedhros is back you can argue with the Doomsman as much as you wish."

"We are in the middle of the palace, and half the royal family knows we're talking. Everyone will know that you killed me, and you'll be sentenced."

"Perhaps, but not executed; the king rather likes me after all. And Maedhros could visit me in a cell much better than I can visit him in death."

"Look, I came here because despite everything, I don't hate Maedhros; it was rather hard to after I saw him so clearly that night. I'm willing to work to get him alive, but I'm not willing to die for him."

"And what else do you think would work?"

"Annulment. Get the marriage declared invalid and dissolved."

"Can the Valar even do that? I can think of plenty of people who would wish to remarry if it were that easy."

"Maybe not, but it might be easier with a bond that hasn't been reinforced by years of use before turning sour, and the fact that we both want it gone. If not, I would think that a bond that we both keep closed would put little strain on either of our spirits."

"So you're saying there's no precedent, and you want me to skip the certain solution in favor of you having a long debate with the Valar."

"It might be better if you lead the debate actually, so I don't appear invested in Maedhros's life like a loving spouse. And there is precedent, just not in Valinor."

"I doubt Numenor is going to be persuasive, given the Valar's decisive opinion on them."

"The precedent both predates and outlasted Nuemnor. The Haladim, and the Dunedain, believed that if a marriage was entered into by deceit, and the deceit was discovered quickly, the two could be unwed, and even be considered virgins still. This was for matters such as one knowing they could never bear or sire children, or being close blood, or having killed their fiance's close family. The last seems like it would do."

"Except that you knew very will my husband had killed your grandparents when he first fucked you."

"And I wouldn't have fucked him if I thought we would end up wed - it's supposed to require invoking the Name and swearing to love one another for elves, isn't it?"

"It does, though most people don't tempt fate by having years long affairs where they share their minds and bodies together."

"I think we can make a very good argument that Maedhros wished the marriage dissolved as soon as it was complete, as sending me beyond the world with other dead Men would surely prevent a reunion. And you're only the second person I've mentioned the marriage to, as I never considered him my spouse."

"Who else?"

"Celebrian, who is at the moment out hiking with her mother and grandfather. If I die, she'll tell them it was likely to hide my marriage to Maedhros."

"And what did she think of you being already wed?"

"That as long as I never sought to actually act like Maedhros's spouse, it was purely a matter for the past. And that it at least proved I was elven enough to have a marriage bond in the first place."

"I'd almost forgotten - so all those precedent involve Men without real bonded marriages, just words."

"The marriages of Men are real enough to stop wars, or cause them."

"So are a lot of things, it doesn't mean the Valar take them seriously."

"Look, I just wanted to tell you why Maedhros is dead because it can help to know that someone isn't staying away from their own will; the Valar's prohibition on Earendil traveling to Middle Earth was terrible but at least reassured Elros and I that we weren't forgotten. I don't think we need anything else from this meeting ." Elrond stood up and walked towards the door.

Fingon quickly got up and blocked Elrond's path. "I still think there's a lot for us to discuss." How many times exactly has Elrond helped Maedhros break his marriage vows? What was Elrond so obviously dancing around in his speech - did he simply think Fingon would be offended by the implication Maedhros was a rapist?

Fingon knew full well his husband could be callous to those beyond close kin, seeing them only as tools for his cause. Fingon would not forgive Maedhros any more easily for finding an eager to sleep with outside their marriage than for threatening a prisoner into his bed or ordering a soldier there; the problem was that the bed ought to have none beside Fingon and Maedhros more than how they got there. Besides, Fingon was forgiving Maedhros for so much slaughter and death, it didn't seem Elrond had been harmed any worse than Dior or countless other innocents.

"You can write to me if you come up with anything else." Elrond stopped before running into Fingon, but didn't look him in the face.

"Or you could stay, and answer them now." And Fingon could figure out if his eating knife was enough if the peredhel fought back, or what else in the room he could use. One of Turgon's old trainings shields hung above the mantel, with a wicked central spike.

"I won't take any more of your time."

"I insist." Just one more death, trivial next to the Dagir Aglareb and the Nirnaeth and Alqualonde and the Helcaraxe, and Maedhros would be reunited with him at last.

Elrond sighed, and turned from the door, shoulders slumped.

Then Elrond sang, sweet and calming in tune but loud enough that Fingon reached one hand up to cover his ears. The other he reached down to his boot, reaching for his knife.

Even as Fingon's hand grasped the hilt though, he knew it was too late. He was too exhausted to stand fully, his knife wouldn't reach Elrond's throat in time to stop the song. He cut low instead, aiming at Elrond's femoral arter. Fingon missed though, the blade sticking in Elrond's outer thigh instead, and Fingon lost hold as he fell to the floor.