Daughter of the Netjeru

I don’t consider myself a heathen in any way, or part of any organized group. Just a ragged-ended pagan.

I do what feels right. What Loki wants, He gets. Same for any god I follow, or any spirit at all. It doesn’t have to be ~elegant~ or classy food, hell, it can be dollar-store frozen pizza. If He wants it, He’ll get it. And if it’s what I have to offer, and He likes it, then why should any mortal give a fuck what kind of offering it is?

I personally don’t give a shit about trying to act like old Nordic peoples. Hell, I don’t consider Loki a solely Nordic god at all. Yes, the Loki persona comes from that tradition, and it is a good and rich one indeed. But my personal UPG sees Loki as an archetype, and the Norse trickster whose name I use for Him is just one of His many faces.

Even if this was pried from the petrochemical clutches of some heinously cheap, clearance section, plastic grocery store container exactly as we see it, like some magical confection creation that disregards the laws of time and decomposition, it may still hold serious value for the OP. I literally moan when I drink pure cherry juice. Like, I make audible noises without realizing it. It only came to my attention because people were laughing. I would gladly offer cherry juice to any deity regardless of their traditional offerings, because I am saying “This juice. Oh man. This JUICE!!!! I want it. I want it sooo damned bad. But You get it all/first/now. Enjoy!” Maybe this dessert is just as valuable to the OP.

My mother actually hoards a particular kind of pop-tart in her office at work, because she can only find it in the US and doesn’t want us to eat them. She keeps them in a locked drawer in her office. If she were to leave one out as an offering, I would consider it a tremendously more meaningful offering from her than if she lit some incense, or left out a plate of apples and spices. Because she doesn’t give a fuck about those things. These pop-tarts require trips to another country, and she guards them with a freaking lock and key! An offering is a sacrifice; if you are taking something that you could just as easily eat yourself, and enjoy to the point of making audible noises, but instead give it over to the gods, you are sacrificing the physical food, but also your emotional satisfaction in order to please Them.

I brew my own Mead, but I also offer single malt, as an Odin’s man. I don’t distil my own whisky. I don’t pick my own tobacco or roll my own cigars for ancestor offerings.

As heathens, all we have is the lore and archaeology. We’ve not got any sense of the ontology or actual lived theology of the ancients. Modern heathenry as we know it has only existed for 40+ years. That’s no time at all, and there are huge gaps. If heathenry is to be anything more than moribund interpretation of historical texts, those gaps must be confronted by interaction with certain philosophical and spiritual realities through practice.

for starters, i don't believe conservation is an issue that will ever end. for example, certain species are inherently more vulnerable to extinction, and those species may need a helping hand if disease or natural disaster strikes their populations. this is especially true of species with slow reproductive cycles or small populations, or extremely limited habitat. working with these animals and having a captive stock of them will be vital should something happen to their wild populations.

It deeply disturbs me the number of people who claim that… animatronics or VR or even nature documentaries can replace seeing an animal with your own eyes. Not that those things don’t have their place—they certainly do—but to see something, to understand that it’s real, is life-changing.

ppl in the age of books: fucking up their necks

ppl in the age of textile art: fucking up their necks

ppl in the age of picking lice: fucking up their necks

in the age of writing by hand: carpel tunnel

in the age of squeezing water out of wet clothes after cleaning them by hand: carpel tunnel

Ok here's a brief rundown:

They're not curses. Stop calling them that

They're known as 'threat formulae'

Calling them curses falls heavily into the Orientalist 'othering' heavily present in most stories about Ancient Egypt. The 'ooooh spooky black magic' racist stuff

The 'curse of tutakhamun' was made up by the press to get back at Carter for giving exclusive rights to the scoop that the tomb had been discovered. They hyped every death and basically made stuff up to frighten people and sell papers

Threat formulae come in many forms: tomb writings, bound figures, stele writings, those found in literature etc

They're all conditional i.e. you have to do something specific in order for the threat to be carried out

Mostly they're about the gods being upset with you like 'If you speak out against me, then Osiris will judge you badly' or 'if you enter here, then may Anubis make your journey to the afterlife difficult'. A lot are about denial of the afterlife to someone, because being denied an afterlife is the worst thing that could happen to an Ancient Egyptian. This is why they do things like damage images of someone or hack out their name when they think someone is bad. It stops them getting into the afterlife.

Others are merely wishes like 'if you rob this tomb may it also happen to your ancestors too you jerk' or 'hope your life sucks, asshole'

This one from the tomb of Khenu at Saqqara: 'As for any man who will do something against this (tomb), which I have made in order to be revered before my Lord, there will be judgement with him in the place where judgement is.'

This one from the tomb of Meni at Giza: 'The crocodile is against him in the water and the snake is against him on land, he who will do something against this (tomb), as I have never done a thing against him. It is the god who judges him.'

Tomb of Nekhebu at Giza: 'As for any man who will enter there, hostile after this, I will be judged with him by the Great God. Their successors are expelled (from) their homes on earth.'

I mean that last one is 'if you disturb my tomb, I hope your family get evicted'

The Ancient Egyptians didn't really put much stock into them because they robbed tombs regularly. That's why Tutankhamun's tomb was special, because it was the only royal tomb that wasn't robbed by the Ancient Egyptians in antiquity.

It's a threat not a curse because it is conditional. If a person does something to their tomb, then something bad will happen. The outcome is resultant on a malicious action. What you describe is something said after the fact, and is thus unconditional. Something has already happened and thus you desire ill fortune to befall them either now or at a later date.

Like they'll look at you like you just called their dog a slur and just go "don't just already assume that you're going to [have a symptom], just don't [have the symptom] in the first place!" Like oh shit right damn. Titanic only sank because of the lifeboats. If there had been zero lifeboats on the ship, the crew would have been more motivated to do their jobs perfectly and everything would have been fine. Failsafe plans are demons that summon failure, the only sensible thing is to only plan for perfection and naturally assume that everything can only go flawlessly.

my favorites

The Lord of Heaven

He who supports the sky for all the gods

Before whom the sky trembles

The Lord of the Wind

The Storm

The master physician of Upper Egypt

The head of the upper Egyptian Shrine

Who is in the heart of the great houses

The Lord of the Oasis

The beautiful child of Ra

The Lord of Life

He with great magic

He who doesn’t care about the law

He who is pleased with cheating

He with great strength

He with great power at the tip of the barque

He who was fighting in the womb

He with the mighty arm

Whose arm is powerful

He who loves fighting

The Lord of Power and Strength

The Lord of the Force

He who is strong full of strength at the bow of the barque of the Lord of Millions

He who grips with full malice

He who rushes to inflict harm

He with the outstretched stride

He with great shape

He who holds his head high

The Red

He with red hair

He who arises with an arrow

Who fells the enemies at the bow of the barque of Ra

Who overthrows a/pep

Who overthrows a/pep at the bow of the barque of Ra

He who laps up the decayed

He who is in the fire

He of the popular gods

The Very Popular

He of great reputation

The great god

He with hidden/secret forms

The perfect god

Who is in the dark

The comrade of darkness

Who creates the eye of darkness

Who acts with violence

The offender

He with the great roar

The thief of the dawn

Who creates turmoil

Who causes the dispute to arise

Who prepares sorrow

Who inflicts his pain

Who orders the riot

Who roars words

Who hates society

The lord of the storm

The Enraged One

The Injurious One

Who is pleased with riot

So

I’m a teacher of Classical Civilisation that has taught the Odyssey for over a decade and studied pretty much every myth and story with Odysseus in it.. I think

and I’m writing an Interactive Fiction (choose your own path) version of the Odyssey, inspired by the Homeric phrase “he turned his great heart this way and that”, where you are Odysseus, allowing you to follow his decisions or make your own

and it already has 500 sections to it - written to emulate modern translations of the Odyssey, including the literary features of simile, formula, epithet, and the rest - and 21 different ways to die, and quite a lot of period and theme-appropriate alternatives

(and if I get time, the option to be Telemachus or Penelope, although that might have to wait because it’s already a monster)

and I’ve tested what I’ve made so far on my pupils, other Classics teachers, and some of the leading (and best-read) Greek Mythology podcasters and YouTubers, all of whom have universally loved it (yay!)

(EDIT: Oops and I presented on it at the Classical Association conference last year)

I’m trying to finish it this summer, but need a bit of encouragement to do so

EDIT: and I forgot to say that ideally I’m planning on it being a beautiful BOOK with an old-fashioned cover and lots of ribbons to mark your place ❤️ (ex-bookseller ofc)

so, please let me know if you’d like to know more!

Have you ever walked a dog before in your entire life? They love to pull. They're the pullingest damn things you ever saw. They'll merrily rip your rotator cuff in half like a phone book for the chance to stick their own face into a pile of old feces. They'll drag you down the road while you go through all 5 stages of grief trying to make them stop.

There are hundreds of products on the market promising to get ordinary non sled dogs to stop pulling their hapless owners down the road and spilling their iced coffees. People have gone so far as to use electric collars to try and zap sense into their poor stupid labradoodle that wants nothing more but to suicidally pull itself and everyone it loves into the snarling maw of the nearest leash reactive pit bull.

“Thank you for this incredibly stressful 30 minutes that I have had to re-structure my entire day around and which will give me anxiety poos for the next 24 hours.”

I didn’t get the job.

However, a few weeks later, I was called in to interview with another editor in the same company, and I did get that job. I found out later from the initial editor (the one who didn’t hire me) that he had planned to offer me the job, but since I didn’t follow up with a thank you letter, he assumed I didn’t really want it. He offered the job to another contender–but when he got my letter in the mail shortly after the offer had already been made, he went to HR and gave me a glowing recommendation. It was based on that recommendation that I got called in for the second interview.

So: send an email thank you immediately (same day!) after the interview. If you’re feeling extra, go ahead and send a written one too. OR go immediately to a coffee shop, write the letter, and return to the office and give it to the secretary.

And while often these interviews are optional and only one component of your application, getting that “thank you” immediately after—usually when I’m just about to sit down and write thoughts about you—is a halo effect I cannot emphasize enough. Will I write a bad review if you didn’t? No, of course not. But is the “thank you” positive reinforcement to make sure I take extra, extra care with your assessment? Heck yes it is.

Hail to you, Hapi, Sprung from earth, Come to nourish Egypt! Of secret ways, A darkness by day, To whom his followers sing! Who floods the fields that Ra has made, To nourish all who thirst; Lets drink the waterless desert, His dew descending from the sky.

When you overflow, O Hapi, Sacrifice is made for you; Oxen are slaughtered for you, A great oblation is made to you. Fowl is fattened for you, Desert game snared for you, As one repays your bounty. One offers to all the gods Of that which Hapy has provided, Choice incense, oxen, goats, And birds in holocaust.

Mighty is Hapi in his cavern . His name unknown to those below, For the gods do not reveal it. You people who extol the gods, Respect the awe his son has made, The All-Lord who sustains the shores!

Oh joy when you come! Oh joy when you come, O Hapy, Oh joy when you come! You who feed men and herds With your meadow gifts! Oh joy when you come! Oh joy when you come, O Hapy, Oh joy when you come!

Trying really hard to plug my prints! My goal is to sell 100 of them in 30 days, which is a tall order considering I'm currently at... 7 lol.

These and many more are available at inprnt.com/gallery/zooophagous