sage

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

however small you may think this dog could be, it is sooo much smaller

IVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH MY FRIEND FOR LIKE A YEAR NOW AND IT TURNS OUT WE KNEW EACH OTHER AND WERE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER PRETRANSITION

we we’re talking about how we had a mutual friend and how that was so wild and then they mentioned another friend i knew and i was like “yeah i played soccer with them both in the park” and my friend was like “wait does your deadname start with a C” and it turns out she was also there and we just had no idea who each other was this entire time till now

This is fucking wild

This is half a plot for a modern Shakespearean comedy of errors.

Romcom where two people meet cute and bond over how awful their exes were and plan elaborate revenge schemes but it turns out they both transitioned and are helping to plan revenge plots against themselves

BRING HIM BACK

oh thank goodness

tomorrow i have to give my daughter’s pikachu plushie gender-affirming surgery

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

I know I’m being an insufferable worldbuilding nerd here, but my basic metric for evaluating media with very inhuman protagonists is “how easily can one offer a complete and coherent account of this media’s plot without ever mentioning the fact that the protagonist is, for example, a talking car?”. The harder it is, the higher it scores.

Kids sitcom about a group of friends where all of them are a part of secret magical or superhero based underground society that don’t know about each other and they all think that the others are ignorant normies that they have to protect from their magical shenanigans.

The witch kid, the superhero sidekick, the cryptid hunter, and the half fairy kid are all unknowingly trying to hide the same talking cat from the principal of their school and the talking cat doesn’t tell any of them about each other because it’s currently getting many extra helpings of treats in exchange for its silence.

During the episode where they all find out about each other’s secret lives there’s obviously a slow look over to the cat who’s like “well you never asked. Anyways, completely unrelated but I’ve gotta go.”

As more seasons pass, it's eventually revealed the rich kid who bullies the main cast is secretly child of some dark lord all the societies fear and eventually the bully works with the main cast to defeat them in the series finale or movie

Yeah I’m down for some 8th graders taking down the devil that’s good tv

Yes. Also whenever you ask the talking cat why he can talk he gives you a completely different explanation.

I must emphasize that it’s extremely important that the cat is never properly explained. You can’t even properly reveal if the cat knows why it can talk or not.

this is a fun post because people will say how many they have in the tags then you get to figure out which ones.

It's not clover it's ... wood sorrel. It tastes like blueberries and has cute white flowers early, just before the summer starts.

The clover emojis ☘️ 🍀 actually depict wood sorrel - note the heart shaped leaves!

all of the numbers that are divisible by 17 sound so absurd. 51? 68? 85? ridiculous. 102? absolutely not. and don't even get me started on 119

34 and 136 i can believe, but i feel like i shouldn’t. it’s 102 in a trench coat

did we just run out of posts to make

no, i haven't made a post about every number yet

I'm sorry to let you know that 100,000,001 (one hundred million and one) is divisible by 17 and because of that, so is every 16-digit number that is four digits repeated four times e.g. 1234123412341234

But 100,000,001 very much isn't divisible by 17

am always obsessed when someone says to a character “call off your dog” about another character.