Dealing With It

Getting my first Inflectra infusion. I’m gonna be here a couple of hours. Good thing I brought my mom. I was so unprepared. I didn’t know the department I was going to, the medication I was receiving or how long it would take. Whoops. I also accidentally booked our train trip on the same day I’m meant to get my second infusion. At first the nurse was trying to help me reschedule the infusion but then he realized it’s a strict schedule we have to stick to. So I rescheduled the train trip. Very relieved they had availability for the next day. Now I just need to notify the hotel I guess.

I’ve been trying to notice when I’m overstimulated more so I don’t cause interpersonal problems with my stress responses. Like right now I was cooking my mom’s breakfast and she was on the phone talking rather loudly and cursing and the fan was on and the sizzling from the bacon was too much. I tried to listen to music to drown out the noise but it wasn’t enough. So after I gave my mom her food I told her I feel overstimulated and need to lay down in my room. Much better than sitting there getting irritated and silently wishing she would get off the phone.

Today’s John Oliver scenes on General Hospital were so good. He was cracking me up!

I do enjoy cooking a lot more when I get to share it with someone I love. Tonight I made Chicken Dijon with creamy sauce and mashed potatoes. Served with a small side salad of course. My mom loves her salads.

I’m taking a break from weed and now everything makes me cry. I was really numbing my feelings. It kind of feels like it was better that way. I don’t have time to be sad and upset. No one around here seems to care about my feelings very much anyway. Just how I can do things for them.

I feel like when I try to start focusing on taking care of myself it causes interpersonal problems. Maybe I’m doing it wrong?

I really wish my mom cared about taking care of herself more. I tried to have a light day and not watch her all the time and she forgot to take her medication and didn’t go to the toilet for 12 hours. All she did was complain about the probate stuff to various people on the phone all day. I’m trying to baby her less but then it causes more problems I have to deal with. It’s a frustrating cycle.

I took a week to call Kaiser and ask to be tested for autism and ADHD. The woman said since I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today that asking him would probably be the fastest way to do that. Ugh, it was so nerve-wracking. I’ve only seen this guy a couple of times so I’m not too familiar with him yet and I felt like his expressions meant I wasn’t answering his questions correctly and that he thought I was dumb. But I guess not because he’s gonna refer me for testing. He also wants me to start buspar for anxiety. I don’t want more medication so I’m still thinking that one over.

I just remembered I saw a woman and a goose walking down the street together yesterday and had a good giggle.

I haven’t been on TikTok since the ownership changed and I saw a bunch of people I follow post goodbye messages and thought we were in this together. But I still get update emails from TikTok and all those people are still on there. It makes me wonder if I should go back. Those new terms of service seemed scary though.

Lunch with two senior parents is not for the weak, let me tell you. I think my dad had a good time though. My steak frites were bomb so I’m happy.

Ugh, my mom wants a Ring camera and I really do not. She thinks her brother-in-law is gonna come here and do something. But a camera doesn’t prevent that. And the cops/I.C.E. can potentially use it to harass people. I feel like this is going to cause an argument.

I gave my mom the test and she was not happy about it🥴 But she passed easily so I’m willing to take her annoyance in exchange for some peace of mind. She just don’t be listening or paying attention.