Sad Girl Stuff

My depression and situation has made exorcising and being healthy non options. And my ED is peaking it’s head some the corner. I just dont look in the mirror.

Im almost out the door. I had insane panic attacks. I cried. Nightmares have been violent and constant. I hope tomorrow i can breathe.

My mood swings have been worse lately. And my body has been hurting so much. Im not sure what to do. Everyone says “go to a doctor “… but i have no money. I dont have insurance. I cant even get a credit card. I have no family. I have no options. The only low cost clinic is planned parenthood, and they only see you for sexual health related things.

Im leaving a toxic situation with no money. No clothes. No car. I hope i can make it work. Im so stressed dude

First fught cuz i wont coddle a grown man. Im the bad guy because i wont talk to someone who has nothing but snappy and toxic comments about everything. Abuse cycle begins. No one cares.

Someone told me they were nice and i tried to take a leap of faith and believe them. And they’re not. They’re controlling and toxic and now i want to kms.

I see this trajectory. Ive been here before. The red flags are everywhere. The gaslighting. The manipulation. The lies. Its all the same. And whats worse is im stuck and have no way out. I made this bed, and now i have to lay in it. And worse I’ll probably die in it. And I’ll just be another domestic abuse statistic. Another molested child statistic. Thats all ive ever been. And all ill ever be. A number.

I cry myself to sleep cuz I’m so tired of being me. Cant ever catch a break. Everyone says it’ll get better. Well 20 something years of abuse. Multiple bouts of homelessness. No money. A record that won’t allow me to advance in life. And no end on sight. So tell me. Does it get better for people like me?! Does it really?! No family. No home. No love. No safe space. I have CLAWED AND FOUGHT FOR SO LONG!! WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER??!! I think it only get better for other people. Not for me. I just want to stop living. No one understands. They all have loved ones. I have no one. Not really. Im so tired of crying in the dark and then acting like everything is ok.

I sleep all day cuz reality sucks and in my dreams everything is peachy keen

I met a nice guy. Turns out it was just a manipulation

I’m so depressed. And i know its only making everything worse

I’ve come to realized that im so traumatised. I only like and am atttacted to men who i have no actual chance of meeting. Im too scared to be in a real relationship. I dont think i want a real relationship. If its online then it can be fantasy, which means it can be as perfect as i want. If its in person then i have to be vulnerable.

My breast fell like someone filled it with a bunch of pebbles. They hurt and i can’t even massage them. Anytime anything puts slight pressure on them, they ache/hurt.