Da Fen

I open my chest and birds flock out. In my mother’s garden, the roses flare toward the sun, but I am an arrow pointing back.

Do not worship at the altar of the Church of Close Enough. You were named your name. You were not named Could’ve Been or Never Was. There will be people who do less than you with more. There will be people who do more than you with more. There will be people who make your grasping and failures look like grasping and failure. Do not let them change your name to Bitterness.

i am in something we call ‘open air.’ someone has turned the volume up on human movement, and i find myself standing on subway platforms just to feel at home. waking up every day is the golden chore.

I don’t understand where on my body to keep these feelings I might grow a new tooth for each of them and then afterwards tie them to the doorway with red string and have someone pull the door closed

i feel like i am all arms in my insides. i feel like i am arms becoming more arms and then fists when i don’t know how to hold or when i can’t reach. i think i am always reaching.

You were so excited to grow up back then. So ready to be the person you are now. What happened? Did the world snap shut on your fingertips one too many times? Did take and deserve get so mixed up in your heart that you forgot how to cut through the tall grass? Does sunset mean anything beyond the restless turning of another empty day? Do you live in a house now instead of a home?

There is no flowering in my mind, no flower names, no prairies, no plains, no greenery. One tree, no leaves, two birds. No words for birds.

have they stopped / whispering the dead thing’s name yet? / I was promised / the brick’s heavy kiss / would spread me thin / over where they killed the boy / and then I would become the new / dead thing / to grow ripe in every mouth

you can lie for your whole life. you can lie to anyone with the right face. fill your body with precious metals. drink something burning in your sleep and wake up hungry for smoke. tell me what’s behind the curtain—is it another man like you?

Promises are the most impressive magic trick Did you see when that man performed the one called “Forever” We all asked How did you do it, what kind of mirror does it take?

Sometimes, you just want something so bad you have to lie about it, so you can hold it in your mouth for a minute, how real hunger has a real taste.