sad

I’m in so much pain every day and all I can do at this point is hope that it’ll become too much and I’ll put this all to an end. I can’t see myself doing that but I really really wish I would

My will to live was already kinda low even with her but she gave me hope that things could get better. Now without her idk if that’s gonna happen and I don’t see why I should live a long life like everyone with a normal brain that isn’t trying to kill them 24/7. What’s the point if it’s always gonna be like this for me. Just trying and trying for fleeting times of happiness and the rest being absolute shit really doesn’t feel worth it ?

I loved her so much and I guess I sucked at showing it (even if she says this wasn’t my fault I don’t believe her) and I’ll never have her back. This is why I can’t date and this is why I can’t ever let myself be happy. They always leave

I got dumped by the best person I’ve ever dated, the woman I loved more than anyone I’ve ever had in my life, and the grief killing my appetite is already making me lose weight lol yay I guess ?

lmao going to treatment was such a waste of time I’m just as miserable if not worse AND I’m so much fatter. can I just d*e

this isn’t to say recovery isn’t helpful but like I feel like even after all the progress I’ve made to be physically healthy it doesn’t matter bc I hate my body even more now

I’m officially done w recovery, yesterday was my last day, guess who still hates herself

My life is so much better than it used to be in a lot of ways but it almost doesn’t matter at all bc it’s impossible to enjoy and appreciate any of that when I’m miserable every day bc of how much I hate myself

drinking until the urge to c*t myself either goes away or intensifies and I do it. either outcome is fine

I’m not gonna st4rve myself bc I know it doesn’t work so there’s no point in losing more hair but I still look at th!nspo Every Single Day just to punish myself for being ugly lmao how sad

I hate recovery lmao I can eat well and my digestion is regular but at WHAT COST??? IM 1000x UGLIER NOW AND HATE MYSELF MORE SO WHAT WAS THE POINT *eye twitches*

I gained even more weight in recovery and it’s only made me hate myself a million times more lol they all think I’m doing so well just bc I’m not starving myself but if I still hate myself and I’m miserable then how is that a win for me

I’m doing so well in recovery that I could step down to a lower tier but I was only doing so well bc I was there every day……without it I’m gonna regress again I can already feel it lol