Wallflower

I love you I always have and I always will Since the first day I met you I’ve loved you Every time we talk I start to tremble For I love you so much my body can’t handle it You are my soulmate From music to memes to tv we are one in the same No one has ever completed me like you do No one has ever made me smile like you do You make me laugh till my sides hurt You make me so happy that tears swell at my eyes I remember that movie theater The first time we met Where I held your hand till mine got sweaty And you held it back with the same intensity I never wanted to let go I remember the dance Where stars decorated the bleachers Where I told you that I loved you I remember the classroom full of computers Where we laughed and played computer games Where we created memories that are saved forever onto hard drives I remember 100 hugs I remember being enveloped in your arms Your lovely smell coating my heart till I could not stand to breathe in air without it I remember “running” the mile The black fence was our marker and our always I remember math class Where we lived in our own little world and drew pictures while Mrs. Romero so desperately tried to get our attention But we didn’t care I had you, and you had me And that was all that mattered I know it ended the first time because of me And I want you to know that was the biggest mistake of my life The year of radio silence caused me much pain I could see your heart growing colder The smile once spread across your face turning sour Your jokes became sharper and angrier As if you had something to prove You tore down people because you could feel yourself falling I gave up on you I didn’t see the boy I loved anymore in this hollow shell of a human But I still felt a twinge of pain when I was reminded that you weren’t mine I couldn’t explain why and I denied any love I had for you Till one day it just became too evident The parking garage The boy I had loved returned You smiled more You cared more I tried my hardest to get as close to you as possible To feel your touch without giving away how much I loved you was near impossible You were so alone and all I wanted was to reach out and tell you that you weren’t You had me You just didn’t know it So many nights I stayed up with you We would talk for hours upon hours And it was pure bliss I worked up the courage and told you how I felt And then suddenly neither of us were alone in this world We were happy And we had each other We were beautiful But as time went on we had our flaws You wouldn’t dare to touch me when that was all I craved You grew angry at me for something that I could not change but would have in a heart beat Because I would do anything for you These things boiled to resentment and further mistakes were made We were left broken and angry Me more broken You more angry He played us both But it was still my fault I hurt two people that I cared about deeply I’ll never forgive myself And I’ll never forget Somehow from the rubble we managed to build back what we had lost Even though it wasn’t in the same way It was enough to keep me alive and sane Till the night when the cops came Where we both looked the law straight in the face and lied We got through it Though the fear of being arrested clawed at both of our backs But what little love there was in your heart was replaced with anger and bitter hatred I thought all hope was lost for us I gave up on myself I was ready to say my goodbyes As what felt like the moment where I was to pull the trigger on the gun that was put up to my temple A beacon of hope shown through the darkness A simple hey from the depths of hell broke my suicidal train of thought And suddenly Like from a dream Everything I ever wanted unfolded before me You said you loved For once I felt beautiful and adored For once I could imagine us together and so could you What would we do together? Everything And for once it was great But then something happened You forgot that you had said it You took everything back You said you weren’t interested And once again I was left broken and confused You lie and you lie again But I’m still in love with you I know you are mad for whatever reason And I know you don’t feel the same way But I’m still in love with you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done I’m sorry for all of the mistakes I’ve made You can call me names You can call me disgusting But I don’t care I’ll still love you for an eternity And I know deep down, Under all of that anger, You still love me too. Always and forever, No matter what, I love you. -S.E.A.

S.E.A.

S.E.A.

S.E.A.

S.E.A.

S.E.A.