Redhead In A World Of Blondes

Today sucked. But there were also some really good aspects of my day. I hope that tomorrow is better at work than today was.

Little update on my new job! My body aches all over, but like I said it’s physical work. I have hope that after a while my body will adapt to the labor, hopefully soon. I am still happy at my job which is nice, I don’t leave wanting to quit, I just leave tired and achy. Traveling is still on my mind, although it has quieted since I’ve started working. To be fair though, my routine has been nothing but eating, sleeping, and working. I wonder where I’ll be in a month. Not literally where, but my mindset and or situation.

Today was my first day at my new job. I’m working with horses now, and although physically exhausting, I actually had a good day at work. Honestly, the physical exhaustion is a quality I like in jobs. After that last job of mine where I worked reception, I came to realize very quickly that sitting behind a desk all day was not for me. Let alone the fact that I didn’t even get to spend time with the animals there (it was a veterinary clinic). But now I’m doing physical work, and I get to spend time with horses, so I think it’s safe to say I’m pretty blessed!

Ever go shopping and you touch a fabric that’s so unpleasant to feel, and so you do this neck roll accompanied by a shiver leading you to immediately touch another fabric to get the sensation of the previous one off? That feeling when you touch the unpleasant fabric is the same feeling I get when people touch me. And it’s not every person, but I’m very selective on who doesn’t bother me, most people do. It doesn’t seem to bother me as much if I initiate it, like a hug for example, but for the most part I hate physical contact. Typically I’m only unbothered if it’s from a romantic partner or certain friends, so I don’t know what the issue is. It’s on my mind so I figured I’d talk about it.

If not everyday, then every other day I think of my ex and it eats away at me until I find something else in my day to distract me.

I quit my job. I’ve another lined up that I’m excited for. I’m worried because I was also excited for the job that I just quit, and although this new one will be the exact opposite, I still worry that it won’t be for me, yet I’m doing the same thing I did before, where I convince myself that I’ll love it and fit right in. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m in this gray area where I understand that no one really knows what they’re doing and you’re not supposed to have it all figured out, yet I also have no idea what I’m doing and I don’t have anything figured out.

I always love going to bed, not because I’m tired, but because I get to fantasize about my life for a good thirty minutes before I finally drift off to sleep.

I wonder what my husband’s doing right now. I’m not married yet, but he’s out there somewhere.

I want to quit my job, and travel the world. Nothing is stopping me, I just have a specific amount of money I want to save before I go, and I’m not anywhere near my goal. I really have no idea what I’m doing with my life which makes me thrilled and terrified all at once.

I spend more time dreaming about my life than actually living it.