Ryan the Nerdy Goober

Then again, I’m one to talk, aren’t I?

Doctor: “Hello, Ryan.”

Me: “Uh… is this the On… tology Department?”

Doctor: “It is. And you’re right on time.”

Me: “But… m-my appointment’s not for another quarter-of-an-hour…?”

Doctor: “16 minutes, to be precise. And yet this is when I expected your arrival.”

Me: “3:14pm?”

Doctor: “Indeed.”

Me: “Wh…?”

Doctor: “You’re going to take a little trip.”

Me: “Where, when to? I-I mean-

Doctor: “No-no, that’s a fair question.”

Me: “But I… mixed up my wording…?”

This was when the pieces started to line up…

Doctor: “As did I, because I should’ve said, ‘you’re going to have taken a little trip,’ but conventional grammar is tricky to apply to scenarios like this.”

Aaand cue the gut butterflies…

Doctor: “Where? North America. When to…?”

Aaaaand cue the wild speculation…

Doctor: “‘How many seconds in eternity?’”

Make that wild confirmation…

Me: “But that means… you’re me.”

Doctor: “Y’know, it’s funny, because I was just thinking the same about you…”

I figured this could happen one of these days… but I also have a vivid sense of imagination, an unusually advanced understanding of physics, and a mind so out-of-the box that it’s practically Schrödingerian… or perhaps Jungian…

Doctor: “And it only gets Jung-er from here…”

Me: “Was… that a pun?”

Doctor: “Why yes, it will indeed be a pun.”

Me: “Wait… so you really are younger?”

Doctor: “Eh… it’s a bit complicated to explain…”

Me: “Dude… come on.”

Doctor: “…you’ve worked it all out, haven’t you?”

Me: “Dude… come on.”

Doctor: “Alright, fine… let’s just get on with it.”

Me: “Wait… didn’t you know that I knew that-

Doctor: “Dude… come on.”

Me: “Wow… do we always sound like that?”

Doctor: “Actually, yes. Well… the lisp is recent.”

Me: “Mine or yours?”

Doctor: “Yeeesssss…”

Me: “Well, that’s just prime…”

Doctor: “Oh, I’m about to be.”

Me: “Say what?”

Doctor: “You’re about to start travelling back to the past; therefore, I’ll be the only instance of… “us” moving forward from that point.”

Me: “Ah, yes… ‘Ryan Prime’…”

Doctor: “Exactly.”

Me: “I always wondered what that meant…”

Doctor: “You did…?”

Me: “Well, not always, but… long enough for it to live rent-free in my mind, along with other key words and phrases, most of ‘em names of places I’ve never been… though I suspect you have?”

Doctor: “Maaayyyyybe…”

Me: “Spoilers?”

Doctor: “…”

Me: “…”

Doctor: “‘Hello, sweetie.’”

That little… Dalek…

Me: “Point made.”

Doctor: “Now, off you pop.”

Me: “How? Is a Weeping Angel gonna touch me?”

Doctor: “Of course not, they’re fiction, friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton-

Me: “Y… I get the idea.”

Doctor: “In fact, you thunk up the mode of travel.”

Me: “I did…? But… no frickin’ way…?!”

Me: “No kidding…”

Zushi: “I modelled Inari after her, you know.”

Me: “You modelled Inari after Scarlett Johansson, because you thought it would (and i quote) ‘appeal to the MCUophile in me’.”

Zushi: “It can be both!”

Me: “Ah, I see… dual inspiration?”

Zushi: “Triple, actually.”

Me: “Who’s the third?”

Zushi: “Chandra Nalaar.”

Me: “I frickin’ KNEW it!”

Zushi: “Heheheh… my bad.”

Me: “You’re just lucky that Nokkun dropped the charges.”

Zushi: “Oh, please, he was stashing black market liquor on the premises. How was I s’posed to know?”

Me: “What kind of person does ‘spontaneous fire breaktwirling’ in the middle of a restaurant anyway?”

Zushi: “In my defence, I was possessed at the time…”

Me: “You were…?”

Zushi: “That’s what my police report says…”

Me: “Mmm…”

Zushi: “Whatever. It’s in the past.”

Me: “As long as you’ve learnt from it…”

Zushi: “Oh, absolutely. Now, can we get back to the game?”

Me: “Oh. R-Right…”

(Resumes playing)

Zushi: “And it was Elizabeth Olsen.”

But also, this is the best article I've ever read.

“Um… how, exactly?”

“Well, he’s a quabov.”

“A… kabob…?”

“Short for ‘quantum arc bovid’.”

“Ah, yes… now pretend for a moment that I have never heard of this particular type of cattle before…”

“Basically, his existence always resets to the state it was in at midnight every single day, so he always reappears in that field exactly as he was the day prior.”

“But… what?”

“He’s in his own semi-closed time loop.”

“And… huh?”

“Ugh… he was a gift from the God of Time sent to me when I prayed for my herd of cattle to be spared from that kleptomaniacal dragpie.”

“Oh, it’s a divine beast… well, why didn’t you just say that?”

“Hey, I have – excuse me, ‘had’ – a doctorate in Quantum Physics AND several degrees in various other fields INCLUDING literature, theatre, and applied bulls◼️t conjecturism, and not even a one-way trip into an admittedly quite mid TTRPG setting I created for a D&D campaign that was never actually finished in a satisfying way because the inconsistent player attendance resulted in a rushed and quite frankly anticlimactic ending when Jarred accidentally offed the BBEG a whole 11 levels early is gonna stop me from using the full scope of my vocabulary.”

“Oh, my days…” (eyes widen)

“Uh… Loden? You okay, buddy?”

“You’re the Urgo Diemi, the avatar of the Creator of the Heavenly Sphere!”

“Wh…?”

(Suddenly bows to the ground and starts softly chanting ‘volve pro initiativa… volve pro initiativa… volve pro initiativa…’ over and over again)

“Oh, great… I was just starting to enjoy this cosy little life… and now it’s gonna change completely…”

(Dragon with black and white mottled scales swoops down and snatches the quabov from the field)

“SAME TIME TOMORROW, MEGATRON?”

“F◼️K YOU, HUMAN!”

“What a nice lady…”

(Looks at Loden, sighs, and looks at the sky)

Roommate: “Am I really so repulsive?”

Me: “Of course not.”

Roommate: “Is my human form not…?”

Me: “I mean… you’re a beautiful woman, probably.”

Roommate: “Probably?”

Me: “Other people think so.”

Roommate: “And you?”

Me: “Well, you certainly have above-average symmetry.”

Roommate: “AGAIN with the jargon?”

Me: “I’m a nerd!”

Roommate: “You are too tall, stark, and masculine to be a ‘nerd’.”

Me: “Yes, I’m a paradox.”

Roommate: “And I know that, deep down, you have feelings for me.”

Me: “Yes. PLATONIC feelings.”

Roommate: “Your pheromones say otherwise…”

Me: “Then my pheromones are lying.”

Roommate: “You don’t lie.”

Me: “Exactly. I don’t lie.”

Roommate: “Then… you’re NOT pansexual?”

Me: “No, but I DO love bread…”

Roommate: “Grr… that snake was LYING through his fangs!”

Me: “Wait… NOKKUN was the one who started that rumour?!”

Roommate: “I mean, he WAS p◼️sed at the time…”

Me: “Yeah, that sounds like him…”

Roommate: “Wait, but that means you’re-

Me: “Genuinely About Yaoi.”

Roommate: “Ah… well, in that case…”

(Suddenly shifts to a male form)

Me: “Hang on… you can disguise yourself as Zushi?”

Roommate: “Babe… I AM Zushi.”

Me: “No, you’re Inari. Zushi is our OTHER roommate.”

Roommate: “Yeah, about that…”

Me: “Wait… you’re BOTH?!”

Roommate: “To be fair, you’ve never seen my alter ego adjacent to me.”

Me: “Y… holy wow, you’re right…”

Roommate: “Heh… guess you’re not a nerd after all.”

Me: “But… then my pheromones WEREN’T lying!”

Roommate: “Ah, so you were crushing on my true self…”

Me: “Welp, looks like the kit’s outta the bag…”

Roommate: “Aaand this is why I should’ve told you sooner…”

Me: “Why’d you start this whole thing in the first place?”

Roommate: “It started as a prank, but I had too much fun playing the Inari character.”

Me: “Our life is a sitcom.”

Roommate: “A fox yōkai and an isekaied dhampyr in an impossibly affordable penthouse?”

The DigiCrew (in order):

- “Opa” the Patamon [he/him]

- “Koryo” the Koromon [he/him]

- “Vanya” the Wanyamon [she/her]

- “Satelli” the Gotsumon [she/her]

- “Boxulla” the ToyAgumon [she/her]

- “Gazillo” the Gazimon [he/him]

- “Nio” the Punimon [he/him]

- “Aur” the Kuramon [she/her]

- “Mucello” the Mushroomon [he/him]

I’ve decided to go with a roster of fifteen Digimon (one of each In-Training, plus the starter Patamon and BlackGabumon as extras), and have already picked out the intended Rookie stages for them

— – -

Shout-out to Nuffle’s Digimon Story Time Stranger Model Viewer for the images: https://nuffle.me/dsts-viewer/

The babbies — including the newest addition — have joined the Rookie ranks alongside their sibs

The New-and-Improved DigiCrew (in order):

- “Koryo” the Dracomon [he/him]

- “Vanya” the Tapirmon [she/her]

- “Nio” the Kudamon [he/him]

- “Aur” the Dracmon [she/her]

- “Lel” the Elecmon [she/her]

— – -

The gang’s all here…

Okay, I know that technically it isn’t the same Biyomon, but I’m ret-canoning my playthrough so they joined the squad to show their appreciation, and as a way to help each other get stronger