every time

“It’s in Seoul, though.” Sean finally said, giving up on his search for a reaction in his brother’s face. He saw the pieces already clicked together in his brother’s expression even through the thick sheet of glass. “It’s this company back in Korea,” he made himself keep explaining, falling into the old habit that both he and Damien shared where they spoke about South Korea as if either of them had ever been there before as he spoke. That’s how their parents always spoke of their native country, it had always went unquestioned for Sean and Damien to do the same. “The one behind Empire and Reign?” Sean continued, though his words sounded almost more like a question. “It’s called Radioactive, and they were looking for more people that train with them and maybe be in a group one day too if it worked out.”

Sean paused, not knowing what else to say. He looked back at Damien, who was still watching him with pride in his eyes even though his wide grin had faded slightly. Sean sighed, “I would’ve told you that I was going to audition, it’s just…”

“It’s alright,” Damien reassured him, and Sean knew without a doubt that he was being sincere. Sean gave up trying to find any other words to explain himself, instead left uselessly repeating what he had already told Damien many times before in the short time of their visit. Their visits always felt too short, even when Sean was there just to get to see Damien face to face and talk to him in person and remind him that there was at least one person in the world outside who cared about him, and would always care about him no matter what happened, even if they were on the other side of the world.

Damien’s face enveloped into a wide smile, and when Sean heard him chuckle again in pride it almost seemed like the sound came from his mouth and not the plastic receiver Sean held close to his ear. “Most talented kid I’ve ever met, of course they’d want you.” Damien said, smile in his voice as much as it was on his face. Damien was starting to sound almost as sentimental as Sean knew his older brother could be. “I knew you’d do well. Doesn’t matter what it is, I knew you’d do well at whatever you decided to do.” Damien nodded as he spoke, looking back at Sean. “You’ve great at dancing. I dunno why,” he cracked himself up laughing again for a moment, clearly wanting to make Sean laugh as well, “but you are. Always have been.”

Sean returned his brother’s laugh easily, though it faded almost as soon as it had begun. “Um, thank you,” he repeated. Sean tried to return his smile, though it wavered before he could even come off as reciprocating it. He didn’t know how exactly to reply to his brother’s words. He knew that Damien was being completely honest, it wasn’t even the first time that he had heard Damien say something just like it. His brother had always been his biggest supporter–or equally true, his only supporter–but now knowing that felt bittersweet for Sean. He knew he would miss his brother, he already did so much everyday, and at least then they were still in the same state. Leaving to train with Radioactive would mean leaving the country, and leaving Damien behind as well.

Sean knew that telling Damien that he got into Radioactive was good news–Damien had already learned that part–but it was also bad. Going to train with Radioactive meant Sean would move almost to the other side of the world while Damien was still held in New York. The fact that, if Sean took Radioactive’s offer to come to Seoul to train with them, this would be the last time they would see each other face to face for who knew how long was almost enough to keep Sean from telling the label he would go with them entirely.

“Where’d even you film it?” Damien asked him, his natural lopsided smile perfectly identical to the one that Sean also wore so often when they were together.

“I, uh,” Sean’s expression faltered. An embarrassed smile–or maybe even a mischievous one now that he was finally able to tell the only person he wanted to share about it with–starting to show as he spoke. He stole a glance at the guard still standing behind Damien, watching his brother’s every move, and Sean quickly switched to using Korean, just to be safe. “I broke into school and just filmed it in one of the classrooms there.”

Damien burst out laughing once Sean’s words reached him through the phones they both held to their ears. Sean watched his brother shake his head, still laughing as he put the receiver back up to his head. “Good job, Sean,” Damien said, still using English, as his grin widened even more. “So you just sent in a video of you dancing and this company just immediately wanted you to work with them?” he asked, still needing more clarification from Sean.

Sean leaned forward in the chair, leaning in a few inches closer to his brother and not the thick glass partition between them. He saw Damien’s eyebrows flick upward as he glanced back down at his face.

“I, uh, I got in.” Sean gulped, searching for some response already in Damien’s unchanging expression. His eyes didn’t move away from studying Damien’s face for even a fraction of a second. Ever since he had first gotten arrested, every moment Sean spent with Damien had been fleeting, especially today. “To this company.”

He watched Damien’s eyebrows now narrow in confusion, clearly unsure as to what this could mean. Sean didn’t blame him, he hadn’t told anyone in his life about trying out for Radioactive Entertainment, but in his defense, he hadn’t thought he would get in. And besides, Damien was the only person in his life worth telling anything, in Sean’s opinion.

“I sent in an audition tape of me dancing for this music label,” Sean started to explain, “I didn’t think I’d get in b–”

“Of course you would,” Damien interrupted him, the lazy smile that Sean was used to his brother wearing now beaming with pride. Sean had almost forgotten how familiar that was for him too. Damien had always supported him so much, and as much as Sean had always looked up to him, that incredible amount of love had been always been unconditionally

Sean laughed in embarrassment from his brother’s compliment. “I–thanks,” Sean said, running his hand through his hair as he tried to shrug his reaction off and go back to talking with Damien.

Growing up, Sean’s life practically revolved around one person, and that was his older brother Damien. Despite their almost eight year age difference, Sean had always considered Damien to be his best friend–and realistically, his only friend when he was a child–and Damien had been honest whenever he said that he felt the same way. Their parents were never particularly fond of either of them, choosing instead to loudly remind both of them how ungrateful they were of sons and burdens onto their household, to put it one way.

Even to this day, Sean will never go into detail about his family life, preferring now to share even less about his life in New York City before he moved to Seoul to train with Radioactive than he ever would have shared as a kid. His family was still in New York, he didn’t get to talk to them often, he hasn’t seen his brother in years. That’s the most he’ll ever share with someone, with the exception of maybe Mirae or Raekyung, though even then they know only limited information about his life as well, despite Sean considering them to be some of their closest friends since he moved to Korea. Mirae knows that his brother is in prison, she knows that Sean doesn’t really like violence or crime and just talking about it makes him noticeably uncomfortable, however much he tries to hide it, but even she doesn’t exactly know why Damien has been has been in prison for such a large part of Sean’s life now.