Don't get in my way.

As requested by anon. :)

We already gave Ukitake the chance to rant about everything that bothers him. Now it is Ulquiorra’s turn. If Ulquiorra decided to abandon his laconic habits for one day and go on some emotional rants, what might he say?

1. The “It was a metaphor!” rant

"You people need to stop making fun of me for asking where the heart is located. I was NOT talking about humans’ literal hearts! I know where those are located because I am not stupid. I was speaking in metaphors, and the POINT was that emotions have no physical place in the body and are therefore dumb. Poetic language is lost on you all, that is for sure."

2. The “It’s not makeup!” rant

"Those teardrops under my eyes? Not makeup. Just part of my skin. Do you really think I am so emo that I painstakingly put green teardrops on my face every morning? I’m not Grimmjow, you know."

3. The “Aizen” rant

"I just don’t understand why Aizen sent me to my death. Sure, powering up Kurosaki Ichigo was super important for some reason, but why use *me* for that? When I was one of the most loyal and competent espada he had! Why not use Nnoitra? Or Barragan? You know, one of the disloyal and useless espada? I mean, it’s just bad management!" 

4. The “Grimmjow” rant

"Do you know how much it would hurt my heart that Grimmjow lived when I didn’t, if I had a heart? It’s just wrong. He lost to Kurosaki Ichigo, just like me. Either he should be dead, or I should be alive."

5. The “Grimmjow” rant, Part 2

"Also, I never did get revenge on Grimmjow for him locking me in a caja negacion. Do you know how humiliating that was? The caja negacion is a punishment for fracciones. And Grimmjow used it on a fellow espada? What a dick! Like, stealing the woman was bad. Trying to steal my fight with Kurosaki Ichigo was bad. But locking me in a caja negacion was just rude. Seriously, Grimmjow is not a nice guy.” 

6. The “inner hollow” rant

"Had I lost to Kurosaki Ichigo fair and square, I would perhaps be able to understand. But to lose to a hollow? That is more humiliating than being locked in a box by Grimmjow. And seriously - what sort of hero can’t even control his own inner hollow?"

7. The “not healed” rant

"The woman heals everyone. She healed Loly twice - and both times after Loly had beaten her up. She healed Grimmjow so that he could fight Kurosaki Ichigo. But she did not heal me? That just hurts."

8. The “dust” rant

"I am now dust. Dust. This means that I cannot even be resurrected as a zombie, as has become popular. I am dead forever. This makes me sad."

9. The “regeneration powers” rant

"I will now admit it: my regeneration powers suck. What good are they if they cannot regenerate internal organs, which are generally considered very important? And why did I announce out loud that my regeneration powers do not work on my organs? What is wrong with me?"

10. The “Orihime” rant

"I will not tolerate such disrespect from the likes of you. You whose life is meaningless." The devilish character was stirring old thoughts from the past; thoughts of her own existence that she worked hard for. He would not demean her now. 

He was casual in his approach, she took in his body language and how he didn’t seem phased at all. Together, that was a lethal combination; something that had Sode no Shirayuki standing uncomfortably straight. This too was lethal. If he got too close, she was ready to snap.  

"Don’t insult me. If you had it in your mind to think that I was as low as those wretched monsters and could not sense a being if they were staring them in the face, then you are mistaken and a fool. I will not be underestimated here." If she was correct in her thinking, those hollows previously were on his orders to have her tested. All that knowledge did was anger her further as she stared him down.   

“Surprise attack. That’s not my style, I prefer seeing the look of utter dread and fear upon those whom I have defeated.” 

If that statement was meant to put fear in her heart, it wasn’t working. Her face remained cold and void of any real emotion. Perhaps she looked a bit dull, but that could be because she didn’t really care. 

"No. I am, indeed, not a hollow." His voice unusually light. He couldn't help but think that the truth of his being may bring about the reaction he so desired. The look of utter defeat. Hopelessness, in a word. To see that look, would bring about some amusement for the ruthless Espada.

With that, the Espada removed his hand from his pocket and let it fall to his side. His demeanor remained the same despite the noticeable shift in the woman's; her body now rigid and ready to attack; it was clear that she was ready to strike at a moment's notice; not that that would help. She was out matched in every way. None-the-less, she did hold hostage Ulquorria's curiosity, which was the only thing keeping him from obliterating her.

"Don’t insult me. If you had it in your mind to think that I was as low as those wretched monsters and could not sense a being if they were staring them in the face, then you are mistaken and a fool."

"A fool. Interesting choice of words for someone in your situation. Perhaps I gave you too much credit. Perhaps you are not as intelligent as I originally perceived you to be. As it is true that I miscalculated your capabilities in sensing concealed spiritual pressure, I wasn't going to remain there long. Those pawns fulfilled their duties. Their deaths gave me more insight on your capabilities." The Espada stood at ease while the winds of Las Noches picked up, as if the environment itself was manifesting the tension between the two.

Lulu glanced up. She was expecting to die, but saw the illumination of green disappear along with his aim. He’s stopping? Lulu had tried to think of why it was that he had decided to stop, but she didn’t voice it out loud. The curiosity however could be seen in her eyes as she studied him once again. Whatever his reasons, she was grateful to know that, if nothing else, her store and any people in the vicinity would remain unharmed. 

 “Know this, I don’t care in the slightest what you claim to be your property; if this entire block were to be destroyed, it would make no difference.” 

Lulu’s hand went up to her head as she shook her head from side to side in amazement. It wasn’t the good amazement either. “Your disregard for this city’s laws is astounding.You may not care, but there are plenty who do.” She may not be able to stop him, but someone would come along and stop him eventually. She wouldn’t be pushing her luck with him though. All the retired guardian could do was try and talk in a logical sense even if he was beyond reasoning with. “If you can’t abide by the rules, you don’t have business here. I’m sure you have a home somewhere with people just like you.” It wasn’t the best thought to come across her mind and there was a slight migraine at the thought of more like him. This world was in for more trouble if this is what they faced. Then again, maybe this was the substitution for Sin in which case Lulu might be back in business as a guardian. 

Just as soon as he spoke those words, Ulquiorra was reminded of Hueco Mundo and its' desolate sands; its' bleak and empty landscape. There wasn't anything to see there; and as far as living, it was kill, or be killed; Darwinism at its' finest. It wasn't until Lord Aizen arrived with the hogyoku and created the Arrancars and the Espadas that some semblance of order and organization came into fruition. This was just one of the reason's as to why Ulquiorra had an unwavering loyalty to Lord Aizen. Under Aizen's rule, Ulquiorra had once again gained a sense of purpose.

Snapping back to his current situation, Ulquiorra turned his attention back to the woman who was still standing before him, rigid and awestruck by his callous regard to the city, and it's occupants. As she spoke, Ulquiorra studies her expressions. Her distaste for him was palpable, but there was something else there... could that be hope? A hope for me to be bested maybe? Based on her choice of words and her scorn, this could very well be it. Maybe, just maybe she knows of the person I was sent here to find. 

 “If you can’t abide by the rules, you don’t have business here. I’m sure you have a home somewhere with people just like you.”

"Rules? These so called 'Laws' and 'Regulations' mean nothing to me. I have no use for that which governs the weak piles of trash that reside here. Ideologies like these mean nothing, and are nothing. They are put in place by filth as a means to keep sheep as sheep." His words were like daggers, his hatred for people were laced with each, and every word. "Like me. There are 9 other Espadas, yes. But, none that are like me. Besides, I have yet to see what Bunkyo has to truly offer me." A devious smirk grimaced his face. He had hoped that his statement would arouse enough irritation for the woman to slip up and reveal any hidden information she may know of that could be useful to Lord Aizen.