Today was one of the shittiest days I’ve had for a long time. After months of doing so well, I slipped and fell back into the person I occasionally became back then: blank faced, stony eyed, mute, and imploding. I think I spoke like 8 complete sentences and a scattering of words from the time I woke up.
The hero of the day is my boyfriend, who never gets tired of pulling me back after episodes like this. Thank you, God, fate, and all the powers that be, for giving him to me. I know that I would’ve gotten myself out of the dark ditch I dug, but knowing that there’s a hand up there pulling me up and a voice strengthening me with his love helped me get out so much faster. He’s more than my boyfriend; he’s my best friend in the whole wide world. Thank you for the 3.5 years he’s stayed with me.
I promise myself that I’ll be better tomorrow, that I’ll be brighter tomorrow. I have people who love me, and being an imploding recluse helps no one, even me, especially me. I will talk, I will smile, and I will be present. I will be back.
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