Ruminations of a Shattered Psyche

I’m not dead yet.

:ThinkEyes:

So that last girl was a disaster. but, now, for the first time in my life i have an actual crush, it’s kinda exciting, i want to wiggle, you can probably expect my next post to be something like “Well she’s gone” but, maybe not?

I flirted with danger, danger flirted back, and now danger is gone chasing after someone who isn’t going to love her back after overlooking me.

I actually met someone...a few days before my birthday, the day before yesterday, i met a girl who actually makes me smile, who makes my heart swell with joy and whose voice is the sweetest music i’ve ever heard let alone her voice...i never thought i could feel like this again but, it’s weird, how things turn out. It wasn’t even the way we met, she was told not to talk to me and she did out of stubbornness, but then, she stayed, she saw something in me i didn’t see myself and she makes me want to be a better person if it’s possible. I’ve been emotional eating for, a long time, but since i really started talking to her i start realizing i don’t want to eat anymore, the butterflies in my stomach fill me up and i only realize i’m hungry when my stomach growls like a wild beast haha. She’s funny and sweet and god she’s just the most beautiful person i can imagine, and somehow she likes me, and i’m just so amazed by everything she says sometimes and the way they pierce my heart and unfold through my body like a blanket of, FEELING, making me realize how numb i was getting before...she makes me want to do things, to get motivated, and i thought everything was gone...I’m afraid this will turn out like the other 8 times but, she makes me want to flirt with danger and give it my whole heart even if it might get hurt again.

Looking through old messages hurts

Unfortunately i am not, apologies for disappointing

Sorry i haven’t written anything lately hope you didn’t think i was dead or anything, just haven’t written anything, i think the last one ruined me, i’m sure i’ll get back to it eventually but for now i’m on hiatus to work through more emotional issues.

Kids are so innocent, we were eating in Taco Bell and this guy who sounded like Mandark from Dexter's Lab and there was a kid with him, and he looked at my cut up arm and asked what happened so i said "cat" and he said "wow that must have been a mean cat...hey, if they went like this you could count by fives!" and he made a little slashy motion and i swear kids are just so...i dunno...innocent

When he heard her silken voice His beaten and broken soul would rejoice But now that it is gone and silent He wishes she could be angry or violent To blame him for his loaded gun But instead she thinks it's what she's done He desperately tries to cling to his words They stay out of reach like soft white birds He set a trap, he didn't know He didn't plan how it would go He tries to explain that he loses his sleep To say that he's sorry for hurting her deep He wishes he could take the pain But his efforts always seem in vain But his words have abandoned and left him to grasp When he tries to speak he can naught but rasp He tries to write, he tries to think But his fingers have run out of ink

Yeah this still really hurts and oddly it’s hard to write a poem about it because none of them can express how deeply this is poisoning me

Working on a poem, oh boy

Hey guess what! My phone broke completely! My phone that i write my poetry on in the few minutes before i fall asleep! I have no money, the disability checks haven’t been approved, i don’t have a birthday coming up, boy this is great my life is fantastic right now!

Boy are you guys going to be excited, i accidentally ended up hurting someone very important to me, expect a poem about it.

Yes i’m still writing poetry, hold onto your panties. I can’t just pull it out whenever, it has to come to me, otherwise it isn’t real, it isn’t me.