.V.

Fingerprint lingering

Upon dawn

Wondering about existence

What a fraud

Watch me, waking up

This eternal dream

Finding its conclusion

If one takes all masks off

What could possibly be left?

Everything and nothing

Duality

Light and darkness

Love and empathy for both

With a glimpse of you

Tongue tied

Speechless

God’s will is inescapable

Making a fool of myself

My oldest hobby

I need to understand this

I can’t escape my shame

Chagrined

Embarrassed

Of all of my masks

God showed you this

I wasn’t even in control

I begged Him to take the wheel

And this was the result

I felt like a little girl again

I surrender my Lord

Help me get rid of this

I can’t handle it

I can’t change the past

I really don’t know what do you want from me

The church wants me to humiliate myself for You

Is this Your way of pushing me to humiliation?

I try to humble myself everyday

You know that

I pray every time my flesh gets judgy

I know I’m nothing

I know I’m not special

Still, I don’t get it

What is to learn from this insignificant event

This is torturing me

Help me let go

Why is it so important what he thinks of me?

I should care more what You know about me

And then I heard the whispering

“This world is gonna break your heart”

I refuse, I’d rather be alone

I’m not going to fall for little love

Although I wish this wasn’t true, I believe I was ment to be alone