𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗢 ✶ 𝒹𝗢𝗥𝗘

‎ . . .

‎

To: SHIFTBLR

From: [email protected]

Cc: [email protected], [email protected]

Subject: hihii!! i’m theo ( /thaïsa )

‎

‎

To whom it may concern,

‎

I am a gender freak weirdo whose goal is to make sense to absolutely no one, in the same way I make absolutely no sense to my own self. I create any and every reality I want just for something more, much much more. I’m a chronic avoider, filled with anxiety and lacking the executive function to function beyond the whiles of creation and remembering. Join me in the chaotic and neurotic ravings of my imbalanced and obsessive mind.

Love, Your not so local tommy shepherd lover

‎

SAT JULY 17TH, 2021

10:02 AM — wake up to get ready for the day

10:31 AM — wash face + brush teeth & get dressed

THE OUTFIT FOR THE DAY :

* very boring because i’m your average boring man

11:27 AM — meet Billy outside my house so we can follow through with our plans, and find out Tommy did in fact want to come too ( after i invited him the night before) since he showed up

12:04 PM — hang out and shop at the grove

2:49 PM — late lunch at a fast food place on the way to…

3:35 PM — fun book stores! mostly small business and used book stores, Tommy plays up his boredom but he enjoys seeing me happy

4:58 PM — head home, and they invite me over to their house for dinner because my parents are out of town again

6:26 PM — head home so i can study and then read before some phone time before bed

8:58 PM — abandon my nine pm bedtime so i can call and talk to Tommy on the phone

11:37 PM — finally end the call with Tommy and go to bed

SHIFTING SUMMER EXPEDITION for multiple realities,, or the archive that I’ll hopefully fill up for @elysian-fawn’s shifting event.

POST CARD 𖡎 WORLD OF COLOR DEBRIEF

a diary entry after a world changing experience at the world of color show in my disney cast member reality

CARRY ON 𖡎 WHAT’S IN MY BAG(S)

the very important things i carry with me in my everyday and summer bag in my situationship reality

FOND MEMORIES 𖡎 MY DAY AT THE POOL

what my senses pick up while over at the Shepherd’s to swim in their pool in my boy next door reality

SUITCASE 𖡎 DISNEYLAND FIT CHECK

the outfits i’ve worn at disneyland on my days off in my disney cast member reality

MIXTAPE 𖡎 SPOTIFY WRAPPED

songs that have gone platinum on Tommy and I’s spotify accounts in my portland romcom reality

INTERARY 𖡎 AUGUST 7TH, 2026

what me and Tommy get up to after he surprises me with a trip to Italy in my situationship reality

FIRST IMPRESSIONS 𖡎 THE BOYS NEXT DOOR

short and sweet intros of me and Tommy as people in my boy next door reality

SHARED FORMULA ONE REALITY

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🛼˚ SKATES ON GRAVEL ˎˊ˗ what's your favourite summer activity that makes you feel alive? is it a tradition? is it solitary or not? if not, who's involved?

ⓘ SWIMMING AND TRAVELING, one answer is specific the other broad, but they’re both very important summer activities to me. The goal is that every place I travel to has some place for me to swim; beaches, pools, lakes, creeks, or rivers. If it’s safe to swim in, I’m in it. But also I just enjoy experiencing different cultures and countries. As much as I like staying home with family and loved ones during THE SUMMER BREAKS we get in Formula One, staying in one place too long when I have the opportunity to travel—especially when I get sent a pretty place on earth by Layla on tiktok—I just itch to leave and start getting restless where I am.

Traveling has always been APART OF MY FAMILY’S LIFE so not visiting other countries and exploring outside of my own is something I can’t accept. If I have to do it by myself, I will. But I enjoy traveling more with loved ones, whether that’s friends or family. I’ve dragged Layla with me on occasion, especially when I wanted to sneak a trip in between race weeks. I’ve attempted to drag Jason with me. And I’m currently too scared to ask Tommy if he’d like to start joining me again, because we have traveled in the past.

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🛳️˚ CRUISIN’ ON ˎˊ˗ is there a certain place you love to visit during the summer holidays? or a dream destination? with company, or alone?

ⓘ THE SOUTH OF FRANCE!! Always always always the south of France. When we get our month long summer break during the Formula One season, I love to visit my family in Marseille, and the other towns my more extended family are scattered in. I enjoy inviting my friends to come visit, so they can see just how beautiful this place is, big cities, small communes, tourist destinations, all of it. I once tested the waters and tried INVITING TOMMY TO VISIT because I thought he’d say no, and then he said, “I’d love to,” and shocked me by trying to get all the details sorted as soon as possible.

I think if there were other places I wanted to go, it’d probably be ITALY AND PERU. Peru could be considered random but there’s a lot there that is so beautiful and rich in culture and just interesting. And Italy is the home of two of my closer friends in Formula One. Jason being born there, and Layla having family there, so I’m waiting for them to invite me to visit. I’ll #MANIFEST it don’t worry.

˚˖𓍢ִ໋📻˚ BOOMBOX ˎˊ˗ is there a song (or a few) that specifically remind you of summer, which you'd love to blast with the windows rolled down? how does it make you feel?

ⓘ TRUMPETS BY JASON DERULO is my summer anthem in all realities I fear. There’s nothing inherently summer about it. But when I think about what summer used to feel like when I was younger; free, weightless, on top of the world, and on cloud nine… I feel that when I listen to this song. It’s not the lyrics. It’s the music, the tune, the instrumentals, and the way Jason Derulo sings this goddamn song. His voice is another instrument to me that, when put together with every other aspect of this song, I feel that optimism I had as a young kid. It feels like happiness when I listen to it. It’s so strange how much I genuinely feel complete and utter joy when listening to it. And when I do listen to it, I NEED to hear it either loud in my headphones, or loud in my cars speakers to where everyone is else can hear the music too.

I ANNOY THE EVER LOVING HELL out of Layla and Jason with this song, though. I’ll add it like 5+ times in the spotify queue when I go out with each of them once summer hits. That song is scattered around the other songs and it gets on their nerves. TOMMY doesn’t mind it as much because he lowkey loves the song too and gets why I love it so much. He gets me… 😔😔🫰 But also he just has the similar habit of listening to a song over and over again, and he likes almost any song, so it doesn’t bother him much.

DISNEY CAST MEMBER REALITY

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🛼˚ SKATES ON GRAVEL ˎˊ˗ what's your favourite summer activity that makes you feel alive? is it a tradition? is it solitary or not? if not, who's involved?

ⓘ ATTENDING DISNEYLAND, despite it being my current job, always makes me feel alive during the summer. The large crowds, the heat, the way my feet and legs hurt at the end of a long day. The physical discomfort are one thing to remind you that you’re human. But the joy, euphoria, adrenaline, and laughs are just as powerful of a reminder. My family had an ANNUAL PASS growing up, so we’d go pretty often during the year but especially during the summer. We’d drop everything to head down to Anaheim and spend a day or two—or even three—at Disney. Though, during the early days of college, I’d tend to go by myself. Maybe I’d bring a friend, but there wasn’t many people I was close to like that to bring. Now, WITH THE COLLEGE PROGRAM, on my days off I’ll spend the day at Disney, because I’m obsessed. Less often by myself now though. I made friends with my roommate Lily, and we’ll go together. But more often than not it’s Tommy I’ll go with. Especially because we get together before Summer can start, so all our dates are just Disneyland day trips.

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐚˚ SHELL’S ECHOS ˎˊ˗ when in an overwhelming situation, whose word of advice or comfort always comes back to you? what reminds you of home?

ⓘ TOMMY SHEPHERD for comfort always. Disneyland can be quite overwhelming at some points. From the hour long days having to subtly keep guests in check to the even longer days of traversing a loud and crowded place just for fun. It can easily get too much. I can shut down and slowly approach an explosion of emotions. What I tend to need most often is a moment to reset my senses, and also ground myself. And sometimes to do that I need a bit of quiet or sensory stimulation I’m in control of ( music, closed eyes/darker room for a good thirty minutes, etc. ). And when we become closer sometimes leaning on and being held by Tommy helps to soothe me. BUT AFTERWARDS I tend to feel a little embarrassed of that time I took. Especially because of the fact I’m taking these moments in settings where Tommy is always near. And I can feel his eyes on me. But when I come back to he has the softest voice asking me if I’m okay, if I’m better now. Later in our friendship HE REASSURES ME that there’s no reason to be embarrassed. Overall, he just allows me to come back to a nice base level and a low buzzing sort of joy.

SAN FRANSOKYO SQUARE honestly reminds me of home. I’m from San Francisco, that’s where I grew up. So seeing a giant golden gate bridge, having those coastal foods, and some of the architecture there. It just reminds me at least that my home still exists up north. And that my family is there, and if I texted them at any moment they’d pay for a flight for me to come up if I needed it.

BOY NEXT DOOR REALITY

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🍦˚ ICE-COLD POPSICLES ˎˊ˗ what's a favourite childhood/early memory you revisit? why? who's in it?

ⓘ THE LOS ANGELES PRIDE PARADE is once of my favorite childhood memories. I started transitioning socially at age five. Name change, wardrobe change, lifestyle change, etc. For all intents and purposes I was a little boy. I was happy, but my parents knew that I wasn’t a cisgender boy, and that I’d run into some difficulties with acceptance from some people eventually. They wanted to INTRODUCE ME TO MY COMMUNITY early so I knew I wasn’t alone from the very beginning of my transition, and that there was nothing abnormal about me. They didn’t want me to feel alone in the experiences I would go through. So they brought me to LA’s pride parade and festival. And while I don’t remember too much because I was like six, I have snippets of memories, and memories I filled in for myself after the many stories my parents have retold and the photos and videos they have shared. Not to mention my parents made friends with some of the adults at pride that are still in our lives today. They’d run into or BRING ME UP TO PEOPLE, explain who I was and what my situation was. Then they’d ask for advice for themselves personally, along with advice for me. I bonded with children of gay parents while there, and bonded with older trans men who honestly were deeply moved by my parents acceptance and early intervention. I don’t know… it was just my first experience of such a large bustling community in one place where everyone was so welcoming and warm and itching to help and congratulate. It truly felt like a celebration of identity and differences, and to be celebrated that early on in my transition was probably life changing.

BROTHER’S BEST FRIEND REALITY

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🛳️˚ CRUISIN’ ON ˎˊ˗ is there a certain place you love to visit during the summer holidays? or a dream destination? with company, or alone?

ⓘ SOUTHERN FRANCE all the way! I have close but extended family that live in a small town a good several miles above Nice. My family—and often the Shepherds—would visit them for a few weeks in the summer and visit the coastal towns by them. And then we’d run off to visit other french cities along the French Riviera, often staying in hotels and such for those adventures.

Dream destination would probably be ITALY & MEXICO more specifically, Sicily and Venice. And then Cancún and Puerto Vallarta with probably a day visit in Guadalajara.

And I will always always always want company. MY FAMILY is always nice to be around especially in the places linked to my ancestry ( France and Mexico ). But running off with TOMMY was always a highlight of my trips, when he’d pull me away from the other’s a take me some place that was just us. And I’ve always dreamed of traveling the world with LILY. I’m completely blessed to have been given parents that could afford regular, if not excessive, trips like this. Lily was raised differently and I’ve always wanted her to experience just as much as I have. We managed to convince our parents to let her join us on a trip one time, it was life changing for both of us.

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌊˚ GRAND SEA ˎˊ˗ who do you consider a turbulent, yet beautiful, force of nature in your reality? unpredictable, yet just as magnetic?

ⓘ GRANT GIBSON would probably be the closest, out of everyone I’m friends with, to fit that descriptor. I would say Tommy, but he’s more tame and mature in this reality. I mean he’s still restless, hyperactive, and annoying at times—especially when he feels he needs to be. But most often than not he’s kind of still and tame. Grant on the other hand is always kind of just all over the place. He can physically stay in one place however long you need him to. But his mind goes in various directions you can never predict. His mind is truly all over the place. And he has ideas come to him, seemingly out of nowhere, that any rational person would think over a couple times than abandon them, but he’s almost always full speed ahead. Like the one time he caught his friend staring at my thighs and he decided to slowly start dragging the hem of my dress up my thighs. He’s a lot for sure, but I love him. He’s a personality you’d love to get annoyed by. He makes things fun, and he makes you feel warm and loved when he focuses all of his annoying little habits on you.

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🍦˚ ICE-COLD POPSICLES ˎˊ˗ what's a favourite childhood/early memory you revisit? why? who's in it?

ⓘ A POST TRIP SWEET MOMENT between Tommy and I. Is this a childhood memory? No. Is this an early memory? No. Is this a memory from maybe a little over a year before I shift? …Maybe. But it’s a summer memory I look back on somewhat fondly—aka, I get giddy thinking about it—so I’m sharing it. My family ( my brother and parents ) and the Shepherds were on our way back from a trip to Thailand when this happened. And keeping in mind I script that weed is legalized EVERYWHERE, my brother had bought a bag of edibles from a dispensary near our hotel. Right before we got on the plane home he offered one to Tommy and Tommy’s twin brother, Billy. And then I asked for one, to which he said no and then I begged him until Billy convinced him to give one to me. The strain was INIDCA and it was a SOMEWHAT HIGH DOSE. But I’ve been partaking for a year now regularly so my tolerance is somewhat better than when I first started. However… it did in fact hit me hard. Thankfully there was no greening out but I could hardly move. And thank god it was a decently lengthed flight until we got to our layover destination, so I could give it time to wear off.

I was sat in a window seat right on one side of Tommy. He had a better tolerance it seemed so he was chilling watching something on the tv while his body seemed more active and awake compared to mine. When what he was watching ended, HE LOOKED OVER TO ME and found me practically as still and motionless as stone just staring at the menu on my tv screen.

WHAT I REMEMBER is Tommy turning my face towards him, getting close to it to look into my eyes, and then making the comment of, “You look fucking dead.” He grabbed an earbud, gave it to me, then cued something on his tv for us to watch. I kinda just stayed stuck in the place where he moved my head, because my body was still pressed back against the seat. My eyes shifted to his screen though, my body was just heavy. When he looked back at me I just remember his hand coming at me grabbing the side of my head and bringing me down to REST MY HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER. I could smell him, which distracted me from watching anything on his screen because all I could then focus on was the rapid heartbeat I could feel pumping up my throat and I could hear rushing through my empty ear that pressed against his shoulder. It was so loud I couldn’t focus on the media that was talking in my other ear, and I was terrified he could feel my heartbeat on his shoulder. I fell asleep like that and stayed there until he was waking me up because our flight was landing in Shanghai. My head felt heavier than usual getting out of my seat and leaving the plane, and I assumed he noticed because as we walked to our next terminal he held on to me with an arm WRAPPED AROUND MY SHOULDERS.

WHAT TOMMY REMEMBERS is grabbing my chin and turning my face to look into my eyes for any sign of life, and then subsequently watching MY PUPILS DILATE double their usual size while he still had that hold on my chin. He told me I looked fucking dead, because despite the dilation, my eyes were struggling to stay open and my face had not moved a muscle; no smile, no tensing of my jaw, no furrowed brow, nothing. He remembers giving me an earbud, and me moving slowly to grab it, and then pop it in my ear all wonky, so he fixes it for me. After he played something he knew I’d like he sat back against his seat to relax. When he eventually looked over to me, though, he saw I hadn’t moved a muscle, so he lifted up the armrest between us, then pulled me down with his palm on my jaw and watched me SLOWLY FALL ONTO HIS SHOULDER. He felt me shift slightly to get more comfortable. Then I was still again for a good 25-ish minutes before he noticed my breathing was softer and my body was much more lax than it had been. He grabbed his phone and used the camera to check if I was sleeping, which was a risky move on his part because I could’ve been awake, but he didn’t even consider that. When he found that I wasn’t awake, he snuck a photo, then enjoyed the rest of the flight with me sleeping on him. He woke me up as we were about to land so I could prepare for the possible bumpy landing. And he noticed how out of it I was, not fully there or awake when getting my things. So once there was room on the walk out of the plane and to the gate for our next flight, he wrapped an arm around me and PULLED ME CLOSE TO HIS SIDE.

THROUGH OUR LENS in my situationship reality,, or some photos you’d find in Tommy and I’s camera roll of each other

THE FANS LOVE ME for a few reasons. My relationship with Tommy, my friendship with the girls, and my emotional intelligence for being so young.

After I came in during Casa and, not long after, STARTED A SECRET RELATIONSHIP with Tommy ( another casa boy ) the yaoi enjoyers really locked in on us. Me and Tommy get plenty of ship edits because of this. We get the sweet stuff, because me and him spend a lot of our time talking to each other, so they show a lot of our cuter conversations. But we also get the hotter ship edits because me and Tommy can’t stop making out with each other. Though I WON’T LIE and say everyone loves us. Some people want us out because we’re leading our couple on and are not here for the “right reasons”.

But MY FRIENDSHIP WITH MY ACTUAL COUPLE is genuine. Our relationship is built on friendship. And while we’re still in Casa I confess to her what I’ve been doing with Fommy, which is aired. She’s really supportive, and luckily for me she was single when Casa came along and hadn’t meshed well with anyone else, so she was taking me back regardless. But I’m also good friends with some of the other Villa ladies, so our friendships are also well loved by fans.

WHAT DOES GET EDITED THE MOST, as soon as the episode airs, is me and Tommy’s speech given to the whole Villa when production finally gives in to our begging to let us leave the show together. Production saw too much potential in the drama of our relationship and situation at first. So they had us stay and even encouraged us to talk about our relationship in the diary room. BUT AFTER A LITTLE BIT, they gave in, and we step in front of the islanders who are sat around the fire pit and we confess what’s been going on and that we are leaving. It’s filled with romantic jargon about each other and apologies and shocked faces ( except from me and Tommy’s couple… Tommy didn’t tell his she’s just not fucking dumb ). But the fans eat it up because it’s ultimately really sweet and goes well.