My anxiety is super duper bad tonight and everything feels out of place or overwhelming. Everywhere, ever single place i look, i see babies, children, expecting parents. Maybe not, maybe im exaggerating but it seems absolutely no one is talking about not being able to make a family? Some people i speak to tell me the are without the driving, pushing, forceful urge that is to have children. You don't know how blessed you are. This cuts at me every single day. Getting out of bed is hard at the moment, quietly having a cry as i write this is hard as matts worked 70something hours this week and is due to get up in 5 hours. I saw a dr last week and finally decided to say 'we havent been able to conceive a child in a year' that was hard. Holding back tears to a young doctor whose your age is embarrasing. Getting out of the house, dressed and showered and getting bloods taken to finally see why we havent made a baby, thats hard too. Writing about this makes me feel uneasy. I haven't even found the will or time and place to even speak to my mum about this. I feel very very alone and this is literally the only place i put my feelings. We have a real house now with a real backyard and an actual, working kitchen. Its so blatantly obvious to us thats its just missing kids. It seems to tug at me everyday.
