MISE EN ABYME

#𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐏𝐒𝐄 . . . ⅋  I ᵂᴵᴸᴸ 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 ᴸᴵᴷᴱ I 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 have, ﹕ (independent,) ˡᵒʷ activity blog for 𝗦𝗛𝗔𝗗𝗢𝗪 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗗𝗚𝗘𝗛𝗢𝗚. ⸻ divergent, timeline-flexible; principally GAMESVERSE, with tentative influence from the anime. expect slow replies; at the moment, I prioritize developing relationships ooc & lore-dumping about extremely niche subjects on this blog. do note that this blog is entirely divorced from Paramount's canon. furthermore, due to the content discussed, I am firm about my no minors policy. this blog is strictly 18+.

𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢 𝚒𝚗 the art of the manmade machine, nihilism, repetition compulsion, todestrieb, suicidality externalized as saviorism, the past as a hothouse of ghosts, weaponhood vs. personhood, somatic backlogs, mythologization (& subsequent death) of Her, martyrdom in immortal flesh, & the bearing of prophecies. . . . pinboard.

affiliated with: @lightdash, @hammeringheart.

🎨 ARTIST PALETTE— what are some hobbies that you like to partake in? do you think they're just to pass time or to distract yourself, or do you believe some of them potentially have therapeutic outcomes for you?

there is a long running joke on rotcalypse that Shadow's attitude towards pleasure can be summarized by this image. jokes aside, Shadow's life is quite sterile insofar as there is not much he tends to outside of work & his health (& even that is mostly neglected, owed to his advanced biology, synthesized by Black Legion DNA & Chaos energy; that alone keeps him running efficiently, which is helpful for someone like Shadow who is prone to weeks-long bouts of hyperfocus that typically result in an almost complete dysfunction of his interoception). as Shadow has little to no tastebuds & can go very long without food to survive, he hardly even eats for pleasure, & his rapid-fire metabolism ensures that any alcohol or drug has little if any effect on him. I have touched upon Shadow's attitude towards "pleasure" in another meta, but I will briefly summarize it here: he does not participate in the pursuit of it at all, simply because he feels that it is a distraction from his "true" purpose. remember that Shadow was born through the intent to serve something/someone, so in that place his devotion orients itself toward his "job," which is something he can execute with focus, precision, & perfection. it replaces almost every facet of his life. in this sense, Shadow perceives himself as a machine. chronic, untreated mental illnesses, such as CPTSD & OCD (&, more broadly, dissociation) also afflict Shadow with anhedonia. for Shadow, even feeling good is a bit of an endeavor.

suffice to say, Shadow leads a bit of an ascetic life. his house is spartan; it serves Shadow by providing a roof & consistency, & that much is revealed to the average visitor when they see the empty pantries & the overall state of neglect it's in. Shadow bounces around locations constantly anyways, but his obsessive-compulsive mind appreciates the consistency if it can outpace his paranoia. his occupation & his self-bestowed devotion leave little room for anything else in his life; as I've said before, Shadow devotes himself to few things with robotic steadiness.

however, what people see on the outside might provide a different answer to this question. they might see Shadow on a run, either by himself or with Sonic, or they might see him "meditating" under the aurora, or they might see him reading & call those things hobbies. I can tell you what Shadow thinks of those things: they are bare necessities, just as much as breathing & sleeping. the exertion of excess energy is physiologically necessary to vent steam, & meditation keeps him focused & his mind unburdened - however unburdened a soul like Shadow could ever be. the same could be said for Shadow's relentless hunger for knowledge. he devotes a lot of time to pursuing medical knowledge for example & attributes the time spent as just another necessity to do his job of "protecting the world" well.

there is one exception to this, & that is Shadow's motorcycle. initially a tongue-in-cheek gift from Rouge, over the years he has outfitted it with the most high-tech, cutting edge (illegal) parts, & he takes very, very good care of it. despite the fact she gifted it to him during some of the worst years of his life, that is actually the exact reason Shadow holds it in such high regard. for all intents & purposes, his bike was the first thing that was his. in a life where he was never entitled to anything except his own body, having something of his own felt like it was the most important thing in the world. Shadow likes the roar of his motorcycle on an empty highway because the purr of the engine in his bones makes him feel alive, even if his ears ring afterwards. it's a sensation that running or skating with his shoes cannot provide.

replaying Heroes has highlighted this ... interesting bond that Rouge & Shadow share. Rouge's behavior here is what puts Shadow off from truly trusting her for so long, given that she knew who he was & deliberately withheld that information from him. to be sure, she couldn't have been sure if Shadow was real or not, but given what he knows of Rouge - her valuing of information as priceless currency, to be exact - he can't help but feel that her lies by omission were a form of manipulation. she was more than happy to follow in Shadow's wrathful, destructive stead if it meant she could fulfill her own goals; this, too, is true of SA2, given she is revealed as a spy. Rouge, however, is granted a special kind of clemency, since Shadow understands better than anyone the stark realities of the dog-eat-dog world of espionage (with a clearer mind, he chalks her behavior up to matters of survival - that is to say, mechanisms that have become so practiced they are integral to your being; Rouge's handling of the matter was merely one of those mechanisms.)

by no means is this a criticism of Rouge's character. there's no point in casting moral judgment on a fictional character first of all, & second of all, I don't blame Rouge for doing what she has to to survive. I just want to point out that Rouge's mercurial loyalty (or rather, consistent loyalty only to herself) is what renders the erasure of 06 all the more tragic; there is a world where she pledged her loyalty to Shadow, only for it to not matter in the end. I don't think Shadow ever heard these words. regardless, Rouge & Shadow are rarely seen together outside of "work," & even then, that's only when G.U.N deems it appropriate to pair them together; Shadow (& subsequently Omega) work quite efficiently as Rouge's vanguard. once in a blue moon does Shadow show up unannounced at her penthouse, & Rouge has learned that means one of two things: there is a good chance the world is ending/about to end, or Shadow is about to end up on the news.

I'm realizing I should probably elaborate upon Shadow's relationship with G.U.N., given that I frequently reference it one way or another without ever really expanding upon what exactly is meant when I say "Shadow works for G.U.N." it is much more nebulous than simply employer & employee; arguably, the phrase "Shadow is indentured to G.U.N" would be more apt, & calling it "employment" feels both reductive & deceptive. the very nature of Shadow's relationship to G.U.N. concedes an inherent objectification of his being, & as such his "employment" with them requires a desertion of his personhood to some extent. this isn't surprising; as I've mentioned many times before, Shadow's willing to compromise himself to extreme degrees to achieve his goals. "once a weapon, always a weapon." as such, I would go as far as to say that his job is not just self-destructive but anathematic to the fiber of his being.

🗡️ DAGGER — what is something or someone you know you can't afford to lose? how far are you willing to go to make sure you don't lose it/them?

I could talk at length about the importance of Sonic, Rouge, Omega, Amy etc to Shadow, but I fear that I may be growing a bit too predictable on this blog! (& I've already spoken at length about the importance of love to Shadow's character; the "lengths" Shadow will go to to protect those he loves are both extensive & well-documented on this blog) so I'm actually going to pivot & talk about something else: his autonomy.

I've mentioned before that Shadow is vastly territorial over his self-agency. fitting, given that his self-agency was the first thing he gained & lost in his life, & that he suffered its loss again & again. first, when he was born; second, when he was [re]born fifty years later (remember that his autonomy was merely an illusion, for he was acting on corrupted - or even utterly artificial - impulses, memories, & emotions); third, when Black Doom approached him & manipulated him; & fourth, when Mephiles showed him a glimpse of his future fate. Mephiles is lucky to come out of that unscathed - Shadow, after all, has a documented history of [self]-destruction when he thinks his agency has been encroached upon...

to put it candidly, Shadow would sooner commit suicide than allow his autonomy to be stolen again. after all, that was what he was doing when he was helping Sonic fight the Finalhazard. to be sure, it was a combination of things - a cancerous amalgamation of shame, grief, rage (toward Gerald, GUN, & more broadly the world) - but the chief motivator of his self-destructive todestrieb was most certainly his shame that centered around failing Maria & allowing himself to believe the thoughts & memories Gerald had put in his head. the events of the Black Arms' invasion actually sees this shame/rage playing out in another key - that anger was outwardly directed, & I think the difference there lies in the fact Black Doom was a tangible target, & one that he felt justified in destroying.¹

so... homicide? somehow that doesn't feel like the worst thing Shadow could do to you.

canon implies (& fanon infers) that Super Shadow functions in a similar capacity to Super Sonic, at least in SA2. that is to say the extent of the ritual of the transformation requires the seven Emeralds, a clarity of focus, & a pure heart. from the cutscene in SA2, I inferred that their transformations happened simultaneously but disparately, & though I was never quite content with that creative decision, I followed it regardless because it was the most sensible at the time. I find it interesting that Super Shadow is shown scantly, appearing after Shadow's debut only in Sh05 & then StH06, the latter of the two being obliterated from canon anyway, meaning that the current [game] timeline has established Super Shadow's appearance only twice. I also thought that if Super Shadow were to appear again, he would certainly feature in Generations, & the absence of him felt both glaring & deliberate. I would also like to reiterate that Rot's canon is thoroughly intertwined with the anime, so if we are operating off rotcalypse canon, the natural inference would be that Super Shadow also appeared twice in the Metarex arc ... presumably.

the most important change I will be making to the canon is the removal of Super Shadow's appearance in Sh05 entirely. thus, it is imperative to understand that the form has only appeared in these instances & under highly specific circumstances, which I will expand upon in a second: (1) on the ARK with Sonic; (2) in the final Metarex fight with Dark Oak (& not in the prior fight against Super Sonic); (3) Sh06, despite its non-existence; & (4) some indeterminate time in the future, following the War in Forces, after careful & deliberate reconciliation with the form on Shadow's end (remember, the Super transformation requires purity of heart). what circumstance do all of these situations share? Shadow's alliance with Sonic.

I would scruple to label Shadow as "pure of heart." ** it's not impossible, & though the closest to this purity was attained on the ARK, Shadow is still separate from Sonic in that sense. thus, for a time, Shadow can really only attain the Super form when Sonic wills it. Sonic's will is what spurred Shadow's transformation in all three instances of Super Shadow's appearance (& technically the fourth, though I haven't really sat down & outlined the circumstances that warrant it - however, I do know that it was independent of Sonic's will). this form of Super Shadow, an extension of Sonic's will, unsurprisingly mirrors Super Sonic in its aesthetic qualities: red eyes, golden, steely, though I'd argue Shadow falls just short of saintly; he is more unsettling, akin to an eschatological figure or a portent/omen (of an apocalypse). their silhouettes are nigh indistinguishable, & deliberately so - not only are they two halves of the same being (or a third, in 06's case), Shadow still remains an epigone.

when Shadow achieves the form of his own volition & power, that iteration is truer to Shadow's heart, so it aligns more with his appearance in SA2. really, just an indulgence of mine because I love the platinum look so much & the creative twist with the pinks they used in Sonic 3.

I am not so much concerned with Freudian constructs as I am the effects of it on Shadow & the societal conditions that encouraged both its development & dissemination. I am no psychologist. what I learned about Freud was strictly within an anthropological context, so I'm sure a well-versed psychologist would probably give me a few weird glances here & there. alas, this is a silly blog about an alien hog, so I tend to give myself grace for gaps in my knowledge. it is more so the delineation/cleaving of "selves" that appeal to me & have the greatest influences on Shadow; the idea that there is a higher, more refined self (the ego) & a mediator (the superego) above a hedonistic nucleus (the id). in fact, the above doctrine kind of shapes Shadow's thinking about himself.

the night,  as ever,  haunts him in post-traumatic palimpsest:  distended umbrae,  pareidolic cavalcades,  nightmares imprinting afterimages in his vision.  it drives him to the edge of the world,  /  a derelict city nobody deemed worthy of saving after the War,  lost to machines & chassis & broken glass.  [he remembers this place for one very specific reason:  their mise en scène:  ritualized violence,  split knuckles,  aching shoulders.  he swears that there are eyes,  following.]

there are times Sonic’s kindness often feels like make-belief,  /  his warmth a radio transmission sailing across time & space in hapless search of an ear,  an outstretched palm—--are you receiving?  Shadow doesn’t know if he is,  his body shaped as a prime apparatus for bloodshed,  /  efficient as a slaughterhouse,  not an inch for song nor ecstasy.  destruction is its inherited primacy,  /  all the kinetic fervor of a discharged gun.  so,  when the cogs grind,  it sounds like bone against bone,  incisor against incisor,  metal against metal,  /  a distress signal in a vascular key.  it might be that he’s utterly insulated from it,  he thinks,  the warmth:  what sits between himself & Sonic is a permafrost miles thick,  /  a citadel colonized by a cabal of obsessive-compulsive ghosts,  their agonies stirred by the threat of a thaw  [for Polaris beleaguers his doorstep,  vandalizing with its pantheon of vernal blue skies & springtide;  it comes with a breezy laugh,  a zephyr,  doting on two syllables.  Sha·dow,  a monstrosity unmade,  /  light passed onto his lunar face].  & yet—--the detested,  beloved “yet”,  the impossibility that is attached to Sonic’s name—---his trigger finger,  usually objectified in its infallibility,  haunts over send:  if I called,  would you come?  /  the answer arrives to him not in language,  but in a half-remembered halcyon that reverberates between a pair of ribs continents away & goes down too sweetly:  [Her] laughter,  [Her] scintillations,  guttatim:  a narrative [re]writing over itself,  different blood circling the same drain.

& Sonic comes,  of course he does,  /  all fulgor & vapid fatuity,  looked upon by his sepulchral eye.  he might have been there all along. Shadow considers rejecting him,  now that an hour has passed since his initial message  (a hand extended):  I have a perfect view,  if you’re not busy.  I made a mistake.  this wasn’t supposed to happen.  something stops him,  though,  & it’s not the monster staring back at him in the mirror  [red-eyed,  wearing inaction like rigor mortis,  its veins pulsing sempiternally with Stygian blood],  but a spark:  were he born with a soul,  he might point to that,  /  but he concedes it to the hindbrain,  instead.  a limbic spasm,  /  impressions of memory,  the real ones,  sprouted from fecund light beyond corruption.  his fingers,  /  hours ago having dispatched a last breath,  curl around emptiness.  Sonic would fit right between, his mind intrusively supplies, neck & all, / the way he's fit so seamlessly into everything else. “...”  he attempts speech,  but what wants to come out is vulnerable,  /  primal,  want so aggrieved in Shadow’s intentional starvation of it,  it claws & dryheaves & garrotes at the premise of Sonic’s sweetness.  it reanimates,  /  as if impishly inspired by insurrection & the saccharin.  more aggravatingly,  this temptation resists Shadow’s siege.  it is unbecoming of a pure body to want;  there is nothing it cannot give to itself—---that is the essence of its purity,  the body as a last bastion of the inviolate.  Shadow tries to rive himself from it,  /  but Sonic smells like freesia,  rain,  wind,  all the places he passed through to arrive here,  blemished by the distended umbrae of this urban ruin.  […]  & Shadow cannot resist that,  the self-sacrifice or the meat.

I had a dream,  he almost says,  that I was so angry,  I crushed a city under my thumb.  It was so easy.  I asked you to put me down,  to kill me,  & you did.  my heart was outside of my chest.  I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t myself. why did you?  

Shadow turns away to the ruin below.  there is something on his cheek,  /  shed by his ferrous tearducts.  a simple expression of chemical buildup—---as machines vent steam.  or,  as he viciously scrubs his face (convinced there is blood, wiping the scene of the crime), he thinks of vehicles leaking fluid when there is something disgustingly wrong with their innards,  /  & he feels the wrongness inside of him,  too,  parts in misalignment,  /  so fervent he thinks Sonic must witness this flagellation on his flesh.  the want for closeness that shifts seismically,  /  preying on buckling seams—---it must be under his skin,  like maggots.

"I’ll always have a minute for you. maybe even two." @lightdash