cognisance kills confidence

#it’s so tasty and it comes in so many flavors#does the character self-loathe and feel anguished by what others intended as an act of forgiveness and grace?#does the character know they need to change but sort of madly wish they could trade the unceasing exhausting improvement journey#for a flash bang of slate-clearing repentance so they don’t have to *think* about it anymore?#is is a creeping horror as the character realizes no one is going to punish them because everyone else still thinks what they did was okay?#does the character have to live the rest of their life just feeling ever so slightly untrusted by everyone with no way to stop it?#sorry for leaving pretentious tags on tumblr dot com it will happen again 

lestat: what if there was a great female vampire who was immensely powerful but needed me? what if she was made of stone so she could never leave or say something cruel or sit up or go anywhere without her keeper (me) her caretaker (also me) her child (me!!)? what if I showed her things that were interesting and exciting to me and she responded in ways I could construe as approving? what if the only thing I knew about her is that she is the progenitor of us all and I had no choice but to devote my life to caring for her and keeping track of her nightmarish fragility that could doom us all even though she has never asked for it because (again) she can't speak or protest?

🦀