As an avid Tomarrymort shipper, who loves both parties of the ship equally, Tom/Voldemort and Harry (not necessarily their canon depictions), I admit that Iām biased about them (as a couple as well as individually).Ā
While I do my best to avoid content that annoys/unsettles/depresses/angers me whenever these two are involved it is inevitable for me to accidentally stumble across things that manage to upset me.Ā
Iām aware that not everyone will see things my way about ships and fictional characters and I (grudgingly) respect that, but it would be unrealistic (and hypocritical) to say that I donāt feel like raging whenever I stumble upon undesirable content.Ā
Oh, my rage would never be overtly targeted at the person who wrote the upsetting things, I would never write anything hateful to the person or negatively interact with their content (after all itās their content, their platform, and they can say what they please without feeling like they canāt say something for fear of getting hate), but I would rant on my own in my room, until the worst of my dissatisfaction was over and, if I felt brave enough (like now), voice my discontent in an abstract way on the internet on my own platform.
So, whatās all this about... well, I found a few tumblr posts discussing Tomarry and not being the biggest fans of the ship (if at all) and being in favour of one character more than the other from the ship.Ā
Again, the logical part of my brain is telling me that itās normal for different people to like and dislike different things - just like the saying goes: a hundred people; a hundred tastes - and that Iām ridiculous for getting emotional over fictional characters, but the emotional part of my brain is telling me that what Iāve read in those posts is blasphemy and hypocrisy at its finest, or at the very least, the way certain things were presented rubbed me the wrong way.Ā
Discussing Tom and Harryās similarities (which are used as a basis for this pairing).Ā
Apparently, they donāt have many or, if they do, theyāre more of a technical and superficial nature rather than of any real significance that could be used as a base to build a plausible romantic relationship. According to them, Tom and Harryās childhood situations were nothing alike, because Harry hadnāt grown up in the middle of a war like Tom and had a Gringotts vault filled with money and was famous unlike Tom who was dirt poor and had been presumed a muggleborn nobody/penniless orphan.Ā
Oh, they acknowledge neither of them receiving any love from their respective guardians, but apparently Harry had it better than Tom. Forget that he didnāt have his own clothes until he started Hogwarts, suffered from neglect, malnutrition, emotional/verbal and mild physical abuse at the Dursleys, treated like a freak for being a wizard, being made to live in a cupboard for ten years. Nothing Harry went through can compare to surviving what Tom went through at the orphanage and during the war.Ā
Now, is spending your summers at the orphanage while world war II is raging around you horrible? Fuck yeah. Itās terrible and scary, since you never knew when something deadly could drop on you and kill you. But guess what, Tom technically spent the Blitz at Hogwarts, because if you look at the dates forĀ āThe Blitzā on Wikipedia (7 September 1940 - 11 May 1941), it basically covered Tomās third year and since Tom only spent the summers at the orphanage well... according to the Wikipedia, there was no way for him to have personally experienced the worst of the bombing in Muggle London. Iām no expert on World War II and how many bombs the Germans dropped on British soil and at what exact intervals, but if you only look at those dates, you can clearly see that Tom was spared the worst of world war II.
Does that mean that his fear of dying during the summer after year 3 is invalid and improbable? Hell no. The chances, however small, of him dying could still have turned against him and he had every reason to fear death, as well as being recruited by the Home Guard, formed in 1940, which encouraged men as young as 17 to join as the last line of defence. Hell, he could have been recruited into Dadās Army at 16 because with how much Mrs Cole disliked him, she couldāve easily signed him up for it, because on 27 September 1942, the minimum age for a boy soldier was lowered to 16 and Tom turned 16 that same year on New Yearās Eve.
However, to suggest that Tomās circumstances and situation make Harryās circumstances and situation pale in comparison is like saying that if you donāt suffer certain types of abuse that you arenāt really abused or canāt be traumatised in the same way. Like, why should we even compare this? Both Harry and Tom were abused, both of them suffered great emotional distress as children, they both didnāt have things of their own, they both suffered from malnutrition, they were both ostracized, they were both mistreated by peers and adults.
Just because Tom never reached the level of fame at Hogwarts upon entry as Harry, that doesnāt mean that Harry was treated well by students and teachers. Hell, people acted all creepy about Harry and his supposed heroism... like they didnāt even treat him like an actual person with thoughts and feelings. Just how some people still treat celebrities in real life. Fame and hero worship are, in a way, another form of ostracism. The moment he said something controversial that didnāt sit well with them, what did they do? Slander him, harass him, invent crazy shit about him. Hell, when he spoke Parseltongue, people looked at him like he was a serial killer ready to slaughter Muggleborns at Hogwarts.
I donāt doubt that the pureblood pricks in Slytherin gave Tom a hard time and called him mudblood and bullied him for his presumed blood status and his financial status, but Tom was vicious and didnāt hold back when it came to defending himself. If he kept children at the orphanage in check by killing Billyās rabbit and messing with Amy and Denisā heads, then he could have been vicious with his Slytherin peers. Maybe his methods wouldnāt have worked on older Slytherins but who knows.Ā
In any case, both Tom and Harry had fucked up childhoods and summer holidays, had people treat them like garbage and let us not forget that Voldemort himself had mentioned how similar they were in many ways.Ā
Tom and Harryās equality
What does it mean to be equal to someone? Equality could come in a variety of ways: biological age, sex, gender, intelligence, personality, mind-set, beliefs, values, social status, blood status, life experiences. Apparently, if it werenāt for the prophecy and Harry being the Chosen One, Tom and Harry could never be equals. Not only is there a massive age gap between them, but because of that same age difference, their life experiences, knowledge and magical power would never be on an equal footing without involving time travel. Do you know who apparently is Voldemortās equal (according to some)? An obscure Pureblood contemporary from Slytherin. Just because he might have known the circumstances behind Voldemortās situation (the orphan status, the poverty, the blood status, etc) doesnāt mean he actually knew how being in Tomās position actually felt. They might come from the same era and the same Hogwarts house, but they most certainly donāt have remotely similar/equal experiences to even suggest that some random rich Pureblood dude from Slytherin knows more or is more of Tomās equal than Harry because of that. Itās like saying that because youāre someoneās classmate you are more deserving of being their partner than a potential several-years-younger partner the person might choose. Just because you go to the same school and are of the same age doesnāt make you an equal, just like how people of the same ages go through different shit in their lives. Some might have a job, some may be jobless, some may have spouses and kids, some may not have either, some may live on their own, some may still live with their parents, etc. You get the drift.
Sure, by the time Harry was born, Voldemort had already travelled the world, experimented with all kinds of magic and was on his way to winning a bloody war. What could he possibly have in common with Harry at that point? It isnāt until he decides toĀ āpreventā the prophecy from happening (really, Tom, you should have read Oedipus Rex before you went and decided to go against the prophecy, you wouldāve seen that nothing good happens when you try to go against prophecies, because then you make them come true), that he marks Harry as an equal and even then one is left wondering in what way. Harry is still 54 years younger than Voldemort and with far less experience in life and knowledge of magic. However, by going after Harry, Voldemort made Harry his equal. Maybe Harry could never have been Tomās equal, but after Voldemort attacked him, he was... at least in Voldemort's eyes.
Harry may never experience the things that Voldemort experienced (orphanage, war), he may never be Voldemortās peer, but damn it, he wouldnāt have come even close to it, if Voldemort hadnāt killed his parents. Granted, it was Dumbledore who condemned Harry to a miserable childhood by leaving him at the Dursleys, but Tomās actions led to this so... š¤·āāļøĀ
Again, if Tom and Harry are equals, itās because of Voldemortās decision to go after Harry and he had to have had a reasoning (however superficial) to pick Harry and not Neville, so really, itās not that the prophecy makes Harry special, it was Voldemort, who decided to make him special.
Tom and Harryās compatibilityĀ
In another post, Tom and Harryās compatibility is brought into question. Apparently, Tom/Voldemort could never find anything remotely attractive about Harry to pursue a genuine romantic/sexual relationship, because theyāre just too different - at least their morals - and Harry would hinder Voldemort withĀ ākilling is bad; donāt killā spiel.
I may love Tom and sympathise with his horrible treatment at the hands of so many people, but if weāre going to call Merope, who also suffered terribly at the hands of her father and brother, out for drugging and raping Tomās father, and Harry for almost killing Draco with an unknown lethal spell in a heat of a duel, using the Cruciatus on Bellatrix and one of the Carrows and the Imperius on a goblin, then yeah we can absolutely call Voldemort out on how he went about dealing with his anger as a kid, teen and an adult.Ā
I love Tom/Voldemort, but I also donāt pretend heās a saint. The same goes for Harry. I love him, but heās no saint. They can both be mean and cruel. They can both be hotheaded and impulsive. The difference is that Harry isnāt actively trying to kill anyone (he talked big in PoA about Sirius, but yeah... in the end he didnāt even let Pettigrew get killed so... thereās that) while Voldemort is actively killing and trying to kill people who oppose him (not just Harry). Harry could have killed Voldemort with the Killing curse or any other lethal curse, but instead he decided to do so indirectly through Expelliarmus and making the Killing curse rebound.Ā
Also... I find it hypocritical for people to want to see character development yet in the same breath yell OOC for characters who go through significant change in character, be it Harry or Voldemort, either because of the drastic change in their circumstances or because they become a couple. I can understand people getting upset over enormous changes in behaviour and personality traits when they happen in a very short amount of time (see: a week or so), but if it takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic and for personality to be susceptible to change several times over a single life span then I donāt get how people expect for Harry and Voldemort to remain unchanged (whether separately or as a couple) if the fic spans months, years, decades or even centuries. If anything, I would say them remaining static or going through little change is unrealistic as fuck. At this point itās much more believable to write Voldemort who is a happy, peaceful and sympathetic person and a loving, devoted husband and father who practices Shintoism/Buddhism/yoga or whatnot than the same angry, hateful and murderous person as in canon.
I love Dark Harry and Too-Nice-to-be-realistic Harry. I love Violent/Murderous Tom/Voldemort and I love Redeemed/Not-Evil Tom/Voldemort. Whether the redemption comes from Harryās influence and Tomās love for him or simply having a better childhood than he had in canon and consciously making a better choice instead of choosing torture or murder whenever he encounters significant opposition, I donāt care. But to suggest that Harry, who isnāt okay with murder as a coping mechanism, should inherently and automatically be fine with accepting Voldemortās murdering tendencies for the ship to work or for Voldemort to find Harry attractive or consider him as a worthwhile partner is very shallow thinking.
Harry can disagree with Voldemort on how he goes about things and still love and support his husband. Voldemort can disagree with Harryās view on things and still find him attractive and a worthy partner to spend his life with. Just because their views donāt align in every aspect, doesnāt make them any less compatible as a couple, because even in real life you donāt always agree with your partner and that doesnāt make you any less worthy of their love or them less worthy of yours. So, for some to say that Bellatrix or any other Death Eater character has automatically a better compatibility because theyāre equally dark and murder-happy as Voldemort or that donāt judge, condemn or challenge him or his actions and thatās what Voldemort wants because heās who he is is like saying that if someone you know and care about has an eating disorder (anorexia or bulimia) that youāre there encouraging them to keep having that disorder instead of seeking medical help. Itās like saying: yeah, you want to vomit after every meal, sure, go ahead, thereās absolutely nothing wrong with it. Oh you want to starve yourself? Yeah, go ahead, who need calories anyway, am I right? Or if someone suffered from self-hatred, did self-harm and had suicidal thoughts? Oh, you want to kill yourself, thatās so amazing. Please do that. I support you 100%. You want to harm yourself, here, have this knife, I just sharpened it. Please, let me look, while you make yourself bleed (please, note the sarcasm and the absurdity of previous statements).
The same should apply here. Why would you want Voldemort to stay the same murder and torture happy person, when it should be in his best interest to want to change how he goes about things? Iām not saying he should suddenly become a human rightās activist or a humanitarian or a politician and go about things theĀ ārightā orĀ ālegalā way, Iām just saying that if heās already going to kill, let it have meaning, let it have purpose, and while Harry may not like it, he could eventually come to understand and accept that sometimes violence and assassinations are the only answer to achieve something, but still feel uncomfortable about it. Itās not as if Harry will stay an emotional teenager with black-and-white morality forever.
Adults change. Sometimes thereās an external incentive for that change and sometimes itās a conscious decision because it benefits the person or itās simply the right thing to do. And sometimes people change because of time. Itās ridiculous to expect Voldemort and Harry to always be the same, think the same, act the same whether as individuals or as a couple. So yeah, just because Harry and Voldemort are a hero/villain ship with a large age gap doesnāt mean that they arenāt compatible or donāt have things in common.Ā
Loving one character more than the other (in this case loving Tom more than Harry)
Like I said. I like both equally, I want both of them to be happy (on their own and together), I write fics from both their perspectives, sometimes one characterās perspective is more prevalent than the other, usually itās a narrative choice, and one characterās perspective will suit the story better than the otherās etc. I also understand liking and disliking characters from a ship (as individual characters or as a couple), but to be like: Tom is my baby, heās the best, I know heās done some horrible shit, but heās been through so much and Harry is a terrible friend, has anger issues, is the Chosen One and rich because of who his father was and thatās awful, I hate him... thatās where you fucking lose me.Ā
During the entire series Harry is a fucking teen, just because he fights in a war and becomes a legal adult according to the wizarding law at 17, doesnāt mean heās not a fucking teen thatās still developing and maturing biologically, emotionally and mentally. Itās said that the human brain is maturing until we reach 25. So yeah, heās going to fuck shit up, intentionally or unintentionally. Heās going to make some terrible and questionable decisions and learn consequences to his actions the hard way. Voldemort on the other hand is 70 by the end of the series, his brain has reached its peak. Heās had decades to improve and change himself to be the best version of himself, to learn the basic principle that for every action thereās an equal reaction, and did he do that? No. Does that make me love him less as a character? Hell no, but again for someone to be all heart eyes for Tom and him alone and whatever minor, obscure secondary character from the same series or a character from some other series you ship him with is ridiculous to me.
Then again just like how I ship Tomarrymort and donāt really understand or like other ships involving either Harry or Tom, no matter their arguments, I suppose people no matter the arguments I present will still firmly like and defend their own ships... and thatās fine. I donāt want to fight with other people, Iāve had to listen to too many discussions of the same kind over and over in real life to see that nothing good can come out of it when both sides firmly believe their arguments and donāt even consider the other side, so yeah. Ship what you want, I still am not going to like your ships if it features Tom and Harry with other people, but other than have rants in the privacy of my room and this little corner of the internet, I donāt wish to start any fights.
(Damn, that was long, but I got to let off some steam and now Iām good again.š)