I want to be a good sub. I want to learn. I want to be able to please my Dom. But everytime I try to, he always see me always f'ng things up. He always tell me it's never enough. I try so hard. Even with my busy schedule, he never understands. He doesn't care that he hurts my feelings and he doesn't even let me have my safeword. He doesn't wanna discuss things to me unless I do what he wants. I don't what to do anymore. I love him. He says that he does, too. It's hard for me to let him go..help?
Ok, wow, anon. Listen, Iām about to tell you some important things that you arenāt going to want to hear, but they need to be said and I need you to pay attention:
Your dominant is insecure, abusive, and utterly unworthy of you.
I know you love him. I donāt doubt that. But letās look at the facts:
He always emphasizes the mistakes you make instead of your successes. He looks at the result and not the effort you make. Thatās a sure sign of an insecure dominant. I *always* tell @belovedsangi and @danipup that I look for effort first and foremost. Yeah, sometimes they put in the effort and come up short. Guess what? Thatās part of being human. If heās refusing to understand about your schedule and refusing to praise you for your efforts, heās insecure and heās willfully deciding to not understand because he feels like his disappointment is a mechanism for controlling you. Point blank. He doesnāt believe that, if he expressed happiness with you, that you would still be motivated to behave. Screw that. That right there is enough to make him unworthy.
Doms who are quick to criticize every little thing, who are quick to punish, who focus overly on the negatives, those doms are showing that they only know how to operate on fear and itās because thatās who they are at the core- they are weak and afraid.
But then he tells you that youāre not allowed a safeword? Thatās when we tread into genuine, clear-cut āabuseā territory. A submissive always has the right to safeword in any situation. Fucking 100% of the time, no exceptions, always. Because regardless of any power dynamics and anything else, you are still a human being and you still have agency. He cannot take that away from you and you shouldnāt let him feel like thatās even remotely ok. This. Is. Abuse.
If youāre working your ass off to please him, and he still treats you like youāre ānot a good submissiveā, heās the problem, not you.
Anon, we canāt always help who we love. I get that. But just loving someone isnāt enough. If you love someone and theyāre toxic for you, you still need to get out. I know this for a fact because Iāve been there before. I have loved toxic people and it was so hard to leave but it was also the best thing for me.
This guy is unworthy of you in every way. The only way to be a ābadā submissive is to not put effort into it. He is completely failing to recognize that. Which means he doesnāt have the slightest clue how these things really work.
Your dom should be celebrating your efforts. He should be praising your successes and calmly helping you correct your failures in a positive manner. You should never feel like you feel right now in a healthy and secure relationship. Ever.
Anon, itās time to step away from this cowardly, weak, abusive ādomā and find yourself someone worthy.
Donāt wait, anon. Your path does not need to include this guy for a single step further.
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