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Well if I didn’t get stung by something beforehand that’s how… You can always look in a mirror and be able to see it all the time!

Bees don’t always sting. Especially when unprovoked. Yeah... I’m aware. I use that method frequently. It’s just not the same. 

But there was no bee around me though! Granted I would have been slightly okay with just that, but that’s not the case.

How do you know? We can’t see our own asses. Thank God. How distracted I would be all the time if I could. 

I’ve looked at theories, half the ones I come up with that I’m proud of someone else has already thought up and I don’t wanna be that guy they accuse of stealing ideas/theories. I mean I have a few of mine that I hardcore stand behind but I hate waiting, I am not a patient man. At all. True, it’ll be all answered soon and then I’ll be pissed that it’s done and over with, so there’s kind of no winning when it comes to me. Hey, there’s a lot of us Chris’s roaming around, haven’t you heard? It’s pretty much a requirement they demand these days.

I can’t come up with any good theories to be honest, so come ‘round to me and vent your theories and you’ll get nothing but “oooohs” and “aaaaahs’ from me. Damned if we know, damned if we don’t. At least there’s prequel to look forward to, but I can’t say it’ll be the same. Fair. And you’re all the meat head super heros as well. Very confusing, but thankfully none of you even slightly resemble the other. I wished I had been a Chris. Maybe I would’ve had a better opportunity to be less spindly. 

I can’t say I blame you. I’m getting all hot and bothered at the mention of knee pads. I think we just invented a new kink the world has never seen. The knee pad kink. 

I feel like there’s no kinks left to invent so if we truly have I am honoured. I feel like there’s some sick fuck out there for one of anything. 

Okay we had our struggles back then too. But life was so much simpler back in those days. And if you want to get technical, the internet sucked back then. Because it took literally five minutes for a picture to load, thanks to good old dial up internet. Did your mom prevent you from IMing your crush on a regular basis? Because it sounds like you have some pent up rage there, Rob. 

Of course it was simpler. My mom made all my lunches, and my biggest struggle was picking an AIM screen name. Despite all that, I have to be a buzz kill and say I much prefer the year 2019, sue me. Of course she did. Lady loved to talk on the phone. 

They really were. I’d love to permanently live in the 90s. That way we have enough technology to keep in touch and survive. But not too much where it takes over our lives. It was a much simpler time. Wow, what did you do to piss your parents off? Because that sounds like some type of punishment. You’re the total Couchella queen and I love it.

You can’t romanticize the 90s too much though. Like those were dark times when you couldn’t be on the internet if someone was on the phone. How are you supposed to IM your crush if your mum won’t get off the damn phone? Have you met me? My existence pisses people off regularly. I’m quite the annoying little shit sometimes.

For all we know, she very well could have been. The thing is so minuscule and we can’t see her knees. So she could have been the first one to bring knee pads into style. And for that alone, she’s a true legend. Oh trust me, the thought alone has me so hot and weak in the knees already.

I can’t tell you just how much I wish she was. I will 100% be wanking off the thought of her in knee pads tonight. I feel like that sentence alone just made a fragment of all the art majors of the worlds soul combust. I thought it might. 

But come on, this is me we’re talking about. I love a good photoshoot. Pleeeeease?  It’s not like I’d actual run around on instagram showing you off or anything… hm, guess it depends on the bloke to be honest. Though flashy decent young gentleman, where do I find one of those? I’ll be damned don’t know if they exist. But if you know something I don’t, share with your long time friend.

I honestly wouldn’t mind being instagrammed, but I just know the world isn’t ready for that much fabulous. The thing about flashy bastards is we are often only paying attention to ourselves, so I wouldn’t be able to tell you if I ran into a flashy gent. But for you I will try and be on the lookout.

Good to know that the postal workers can’t be trusted with such important things. You’ll have to send me a right text next week, I’ll be waiting for the proper invite, just so you know. I think there’d still be fans even if I wasn’t a fan, though I’d be doing a bit poorly of a job if I didn’t love it. You know, Jon Snow is a pretty dapper looking lad. Can’t say I blame Daenerys for being into him. 

And leave something this important up to the cell phone carrier? No thank you. I’ll be personally delivering the invite. To your door. On a glitter carpet. Expect nothing more, nothing less. Me either. It’d be wrong for her to not be into him.