keep going

I know what I feeling to A, It’s more like hate.A must have caught it and that is the reason why A asked me.

These days I’m just waiting for A to put our relationship down, so I have being mean on purpose.

But A didn’t give up.

A Keeps try to make us in good mood.

This situation makes me so confuse and suffer.

I am not a good person just a pretender to.

I couldn’t say anything when A asked the question of my mind.

As getting old I have more friends old than news.

I'm gessing that is why I have been hurt from my old friends.

Social skill cannot be solved forever.

this year 2022. 

It feels like most hard, tough, difficult year in whole my life.

I had quit the job last year (December).

and I’ve been offered as freelancer from my friend(no.1).

and that was canceled. 

so I've got no job for 4 months. I didn’t meant to.

and that time another friend(no.2) offered to me job position.

so I got that job.

a few days later,  he ( friend no2 ) moved company.

asshole. betrayer. ( I hope you lose your hair. not every but the area on the top)

yeah~ the reason why I choiced the job positions is them. 

I lost my two friends and I earn two enemy.

to make matters worse, the job (no2 suggested) is shit.

It’s been just 1 month starting to work. there are two person will droped.

why does everyone left me behind and gone.

My second job offer is in danger also. As expected, my life is going like this. It feels like everything, everyone wants to make me depressed. No one cares about me. Am I being too greedy?  I just hope to work with someone I know, I trust.

after my first job offer was canceled, my former company colleagues contacted me to propose a job.

but it starts in mid-June.

there will be another 2 months gap.

I'm worried about the bad effects on my career.

(my total career gap is gonna be six-month)

so I decide to make a side project(make own my product) instead of just time flowing away.

Don't worry about what didn't happen. Stay calm.

Don't lean on the others.

Starting with April, I was going to work as a freelancer developer by my friend's offer. so after that announcement, I took a rest deeply.

but I know always my life doesn't go like my heart...

A week ago, I was told that the project has been dropped which means there is no place for me to work.

I didn't upset my friend. I'm just sad to put me into finding a job war.

when I decide to quit the job, I didn’t imagine taking a long rest.

But for now, I want more vacation.

even thinking about working makes me feel bad

doing what I don’t want to but have to is being adult.

I am 33 years old adult. so I wrote 2 resume.

Today's outfit

talk less.

these days I’ve been feeling blue.

Christmas and new year were mean nothing to me.

but just today after watching a movie (or getting some fresh air) 

It happened to me .

thinking of something new, little source of  doing things.

When you’re lethargic, It’s helpful to take a shower and do what you want to or don’t. 

1st Movie | Wonder Woman 1984 | 3th Jan 

Thu, Nov, 19, 2020 speakeasy newsletter

To heal emotional inflammation, let distress inspire change

마음의 염증을 낫게 하려면 걱정이 변화를 불러오도록 만들어라

를 읽고

정신도 감정의 염증(emotional Inflammation)을 경험한다고 한다. 

이것이 의학적으로 확실한 진단명이 나오는 정신과적 증상은 아니지만, 트라우마를 겪은 사람들이 자기의 상태에 이름이 있다는 것을 알게되면 큰 위안을 얻는 다는 면에서 분명 들여다봐야 할 현상이다 

-> 트라우마나 우울증 정신적으로 고틍오 받는 증상은 각기 다르나 그러한 증상을 겪고 힘들어 하는 사람이 나 혼자만은 아니라고 느껴서 이러한 질환에대해 명명하고 그에 위안을 받는 것이 아닐까

** 불안, 울화, 슬픔을 어떻게 다스리면 좋을까

1. 비판적, 이성적 사고를 가동, 부정적 예측을 통제불가능한 상태로 달려가는 것을 제어

2. 냉정하게 감정의 원인을 분석하는 일이 필요

 -> 스스로의 감정을 파악하는일은 정신건강ㅇ에 매우 중요하며, 우울증 성향을 가진 성인이 3일 연속으로 감정 저널을 쓰는 습관을 갖게 되면 향후 6개월동안 우울증 증세들이 상당히 호전된다는 연구 결과도 팔표된바 있다.

3. 그외 기본적인 잘자고 잘먹고 운동하기 , 미디어 접촉제한, 자연을 가까이 하기, 작은 행동 실천 하기, 목적의식을 가지고 삶의 의미찾기, 다른사람들과 연락하고 대화하기 등을 권하고 있다.