𝖇𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖉

we have to be the good guys here. we have to save everybody. we don't get to be god.

( v. )   lapinecide   :       the       (     k i l l i n g     )       of        wild rabbits.

it is not that the little things go unnoticed, truly --------- it is more so, inej had feared different. she'd feared the horror of returning to ketterdam and everything being off kilter, the spot she once occupied taken, filled, gone. she'd feared that, upon her return, there would be no shadows left for her to occupy, no corner of his space left for her. in her nightmares, there is another wraith. another inej. you are not special, tante heleen had once told her, years ago. it sticks, the memory. it sticks even though she knows better.

THERE HAD BEEN NO REASON TO CHANGE IT. moving his entire bedroom around simply because it reminded him of inej's absence would have been a waste of energy. it would have taken too much effort to slowly rearrange it all. he had a job to do. that didn't include interior design. besides, he didn't want any questions and certainly people on the lower floors would wonder what all the noise was. ❝ i've put my wealth into my business. this room serves me well as is. ❞

why had he said that?! ❝ well the rooftops have certainly accumulated more dirt without your presence. ❞ kaz smirks, ❝ don't tell me you assume i've lost my touch. no one would be so stupid to ask me directly. ❞ some had, but his harsh glare had quickly shut them up.

there was only so much hope a girl could have. inej was the patient type ------------ she did not mind a wait. she did not mind a pause, a slow growth, she did not mind the bloom of flowers in real time. inej would sow the seeds, inej would water the roots. she could wait ------ and she would, gladly.

but her mother used to say : meja, if the plant is dead you thank it for it's service and pull up the roots. you do not let it fester. you do not let it rot.

it is she, who rots, maybe. sitting here with her back against his bed frame, the wood of both the floor and the frame digging into her tailbone and back. she wonders if she must be plucked. pulled out. replanted. a huge part of her doesn't, though. she wants to stay. she wants.

why had he told her the truth ? there was no need to upset the pattern that they'd had. it wasn't as if she'd told him that she couldn't stay, that she wouldn't wait. wait for what, brekker? to be a different man ? he couldn't be. or perhaps he did not want to be.

it didn't matter. kaz knew inej better than anyone else in the world and he could read her frustration like it was a language only they spoke. without armor, she'd asked of him, and he'd always known what it meant. if this was going to work, the myth would have to fall.

he picks at his gloves, trying to avoid the gaze that he feels on him. kaz sighs heavily and crosses the room, awkwardly lowering himself to the floor so that he sits across from her. he stretches his bad leg out and shakes his head. ❝ no, i'm not from ketterdam. ❞

❝ did you ? ❞ his tone is harsh as ever, but there's a difference in it, a curiosity buried deep within. ❝ tell me, wylan, i know you are not from the barrel and though i do not know where you are from, ❞ it's a lie despite hardly sounding like it, ❝ do you have any idea what you're getting involved in ? ❞

kaz certainly knew what he thought. he had already gathered plenty of intel on just who wylan was. or rather, what he was running from. it was enough to tell him that, at best, he would have loose ideas of what it was really like to work with a gang.

❝ Aye.❞ Lark replied quietly, her tone barely above a whisper. Her expression remained impassive and unreadable as it always has been, yet her body was standing more rigid--as if uncomfortable to be there.

❝ The man they are burning...is...was my father. ❞

Bojan Trevelyan was nothing more than a man who took her in out of obligation of fathering a bastard child--or so she was told. When she had saved the Ravkan princes from drowning and nearly drowning herself, Bojan surrendered her to the Second Army and left for Ketterdam to rise his legacy in Ketterdam in some sort of trade.

When she had gotten word he had died, she had come for some sort of closure, and perhaps to find someone she recently learned about.

❝ Brekker. ❞ She spoke again. ❝ How capable are you in locating a missing person? ❞ she turned to him and crossed her arms. ❝ Are you interested in taking on a job? ❞

HE IS NOT SORRY FOR HER LOSS, so he does not bother acting as though he is. death was inescapable and he does not know lark well enough to care about something as pointless as feelings. kaz watches the body as the clothes catch fire, the flames erupting into something powerful.

❝ ah. were you close ? ❞ it could offer insight into the state of mind she may be in. it wouldn't allow him to fully know what she was thinking or how she was feeling but grief was a powerful motivator. almost as strong as greed. he had little care for how she was affected but he was interested in predicting her actions.

his brow tilts and he finally looks over to her, meeting her eye with an air of confidence, ❝ i can find anyone or anything in the world for the right price. ❞ it's not just talk. kaz prided himself on his ability to fulfill any request he'd received. at this point in his career, he'd done it all.

as patient and forgiving as she was, kaz brekker always managed to burrow under the deepest parts of her skin. perhaps it was the demon rumors that led him to sink lower and lower. in their short time together, hinata had already grown tired of his glares and threats. the sooner they found her sister, the sooner they could part ways and never speak to, nor of, each other again. he would nearly be a figment of her nightmares.

are you truly? irritated, yes, but she was not prone to direct snark. this was the closest she would get to an admission of wrongdoing. he could strike her with his cane and still he would make it her fault, as men in her life tended to do. perhaps next time i will fill the space with an impassioned speech about the horrors i could subject them to. that may be more up your alley.

he was under the impression that it was obvious he was the next step. there was simply no other reason they would have come here. kaz certainly wouldn't have insisted he waste their time just to go off on some difficult-to-walk pathway because he wanted to kill a few random men that were too weak to even be considered an exciting challenge. but apparently, the things that were obvious to him were not for hinata.

he doesn't respond to her, there was always something a person was trying to protect. instead, he retrieves a key wrapped around the neck of one of the bodies, crosses the room, and inserts it into what appeared to be a small wardrobe. kaz opens the doors, reaches inside, and grabs the person inside by their collar, throwing them to the ground.

he was under the impression that it was obvious he was the next step. there was simply no other reason they would have come here. kaz certainly wouldn't have insisted he waste their time just to go off on some difficult-to-walk pathway because he wanted to kill a few random men that were too weak to even be considered an exciting challenge. but apparently, the things that were obvious to him were not for hinata.

he doesn't respond to her, there was always something a person was trying to protect. instead, he retrieves a key wrapped around the neck of one of the bodies, crosses the room, and inserts it into what appeared to be a small wardrobe. kaz opens the doors, reaches inside, and grabs the person inside by their collar, throwing them to the ground.

A sigh passes her lips. She isn’t opposed to being bait, but being given orders— having her autonomy taken away again— she would rather let herself be killed. Cress will not allow herself to be a prisoner again, tower or not.

ALWAYS THE DRAMATICS. what was it that people did not understand that he did not care about their opinions or their proclamations ? it seemed no matter what he had done, no matter how many bones he had broken or lives he had taken, people still felt the need to think that they were special.

no one was special, not in this world nor to kaz. and if they were, they'd have known by now. he hadn't done anything to imply to cress that she mattered to him. people were their value, their use. it was exhausting to pretend otherwise.

foolish, to ache. this was all a ruse.

ina has to come out, here. a woman with a little more vibrancy, a little friendlier. inej closes the mascara tube, judges her work in the mirror. it looks fine enough, but there has been something so strange with playing somebody else. her face is hers, but -------- is it ? is kaz's ?

as she fishes for the lipstick she knows is in her purse, her gaze locks onto his. he says her name and she pauses, freezes, listens. there is something to the way he says her name. whatever, whatever he said. she'd agree.

inej does agree, but she's disappointed by his question.

HE BUSIES HIMSELF WITH TIDYING THE ROOM. it was easier than watching her apply lipstick, easier than trying to ignore any of the thoughts that would come with such an act. kaz forces himself to pay close attention to her words beyond all else, remove the emotion, look at it logically. she's right, it would look good to have him as an ally. he needed to go in with a plan of how to win him over.

❝ if the live show is their son playing terribly on his saxophone i'm going to gouge my own ears out. ❞ and possibly shoot them. sure, it would blow their cover but it would save him endless irritation.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝.

there is no place for you in my city.

avoid the mist and he would be just fine. this was where he found himself entirely free — in the middle of a brawl, the taste of blood ripe in his mouth. it felt like home. he dodges back, creating some space between himself and the crown.

the   sarcasm   has   a   flush   coming   to   his   cheeks,   though   it   doesn't   stop   and   soon   he   can   feel   even   the   tips   of   his   ears   burning.   perhaps   he   should   be   used   to   such   a   thing,   whether   it's   from   kaz   or   from   ...   no   -   he   won't   allow   himself   to   think back to   that.      it's   easier   to   focus   on   the   task   at   hand,   his   mind   was   already   running   through   the   various   things   he   had   already   made   and   what   would   need   to   be   replinished.      ❛❛   i   -      ❜❜      his   mouth   tightens   into   a   thin   line.      he   doesn't   want   to   hurt   anyone   ...   that's   the   last   thing   he   wants   to   do,   but   he   also   knows   that   his   bombs   in   kaz's   hands?   it   wasn't   a   matter   of   if   something   would   happen,   but   when.     ❛❛   what   exactly   would   you   need?   ❜❜                

kaz looks at her with glare, and suddenly it is inej who looks like she is bleeding. angry, tremendously hurt, she shoves the antiseptic into his hand, does not linger when her fingers brush his gloved ones. ❛ fine. ❜ she hisses, hot and embarrassed. ❛ waste your own time, then. bloody and alone. that's what you want, isn't it ? your solitude. kaz in his impenetrable barrel. enjoy your loneliness. ❜ and she is gone, turning on her heel and walking from him without a glance back.

HE HAS GONE TOO FAR. kaz thinks this often, that he will raise his voice or cut her off or speak with such cruelty that she will finally see who he is and she will leave, her debts be damned. as she stands there, her face contorted in such a way that makes it seem as if he had struck her. he wishes that she would go. she would never find the peace she prayed for in a rotten home.

his grips tightens around the antiseptic and it lets out a low whistle that tells him to calm down or else the bottle will burst. kaz prepares a retort but her back is to him before he can release it, her braid bouncing against her back as the door slams closed behind her. good, let her leave. let her never turn round again. she only made him weak.

he rips open the lid to the antiseptic and pours it on the wound. it feels like fire dancing across his side — he needed it. the pain rooted him, kept him focused. he takes a deep breath and a long series of expletives leave his lips with the exhale. kaz braces himself on the sink, cleans around the wound, and begins stitching himself up when the door opens once more. he looks up into the mirror, looking at her through it instead of turning to face her.