like light made into flesh

with only rereading the first two chapters of bloodlines, i can safely say that sydney sage is one of the most compelling female main characters ever. i know this is biased. but this set of chapters is making me see sydney in different eyes.

first, her family situation. hating your father for never being good enough for him, no matter how hard you tried, for not displaying the parental affection she craved and should have gotten. having an older sister whom you love, but who, in the end, is the reason you are now stuck in this alchemist life that you hate, all while that same older sister gets to live the life you want. having a younger sister who you want to protect from this life you're stuck in, but she's so deep into pleasing their father that she confuses your act of protection with humiliation, and you can't tell her or anyone else why you acted that way, because you've been conditioned to obey and remain silent, knowing that if you ever speak up, you'll be punished for it.

another thing that surprised me was how sydney had been harboring her dissatisfaction with being an alchemist longer than i remembered. years without rereading the book made me think she was in denial at not liking it, but nope. she hates it but she can’t do anything about it. surely this wasn’t influenced by her spending time with rose (and this makes their road trip scene in blood promise way more interesting).

then, the keith situation. i don’t know how i forgot that 1. sydney was fourteen when keith raped carly and 2. sydney actually confronted keith about it. 14-year old sydney sage told her sister’s rapist that she knew what he had done; 14-year-old sydney sage had to carry that secret for years, knowing that no one would believe her if she told. but she still wanted keith to pay for what he did. so sydney makes a deal with a vampire mobster to have her sister’s rapist be attacked and have his eye gouged out, knowing if this were revealed, she would be the one punished for communicating. and sydney, in her monologue, gets angry that keith is still able to wink without an eye??? iconic. and how she wanted to hit him for looking at zoe in a fondly way?? iconic AND SHE SHOULD’VE. I SUPPORT SYDNEY SAGE’S RIGHTS AND WRONGS.

speaking of which, the implication that she feared keith wanted zoe to go with him because she thought zoe would go through the same thing carly did…. literally had my jaw open. sydney is so protective of zoe, i wonder if it’s because she wishes carly (or anyone) had been that way with her. or even wishing someone had been that protective of carly. sydney and zoe’s relationship reminds me so much of katniss and prim except prim gets angry at katniss for volunteering. sydney is willing to spend time with the person she hates the most and living the life she despises if it means zoe will be free from it. and then later in the series when sydney stops adhering to the alchemists and goes after what she wants, zoe gets inked!!! all that sacrifice for nothing!!! AHHHH.

wish there was more about sydney’s mom, but the fact we don’t (and correct me if i’m wrong but even the fact that she doesn’t have a name) is related to how women are looked down upon by alchemists. (and yet, sydney’s mom has a more masculine job).

also, stanton being the only one to stand up to sydney with keith is very interesting. again i think this is about women being viewed as less superior, though i wish it was explored more.