Someday, our dream will illuminate the world!

"once upon a lifetime kaito luka meiko" genuinely just die

my evil trait is tht i will listen to every indie rock / punk song that relies heavily on spoken / whiny lyrics . and be like Yeah this could be a good vocaloid cover

YAY

i cant even use my timeskip method anymore i HAVE to be awake because i have no fucking clue when she'll come back

and im not religious but im so desperate that im just trying random bullshit. im considering taking up witchcraft unironically. i would probably be willing to cut off a finger to make this stop (but thats where i draw the line). and pretty much any random thing that happens, stuff that only feels like half a coincidence like us continuously waking up at the exact same time for no reason, or me magically being available for no reason when she needs it even though i was busy and the event was random on her end, all of that involves me! why! i cant DO anything!

i dont know how exactly to describe it without sounding ridiculous.. say she's offline for 30 minutes, and i don't know exactly what she's doing right now. did she take a nap? is she making food? walking her dog? visiting a family member? or hell, maybe she's just scrolling twitter. or.. is she being hit? is she being screamed at and being devalued and being told she's worthless and the entire reason her family is like this? is she being used as a punching bag by every adult in her life, again? did someone take her food away? does she have food in the house? is her mom trying to check her phone, or break it? is her brother having a violent fit? is she gonna try and kill herself today? i don't know. i don't know. there's no way for me to know until she comes back, and i don't know if she's gonna come back happy or miserable, and i don't know if she's gonna come back at all. months before we even started dating her mom took her phone away, she fell asleep, and i thought she'd killed herself and went home early from school because i couldn't stop crying. she attempted suicide while i was in class two months ago and if it wasn't the last 15 minutes i might not have even noticed and she could have died. every moment i'm not talking to her im terrified. i don't even have any power to do anything but beg. there is no way out of this but waiting years and every day i get more anxious, every time i think of another way to help it sets me up to be absolutely ruined if she can't handle it anymore. it isn't even her fault

holds your hand

ive deleted a lot of venet posts so im going to close tumblr . just know this: i am scared. and if flavor foley doesnt release their new song tomorrow im breaking a window STOP EDGING ME