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Most days she walks past you without batting an eye to crumpled mess you are on the ground

Your body is starting to smell

Most days she is high out of her mind

She despises you as much as you do her 

But neither of you can let go

You go together like fire and ice, scraping against one another’s sides until you both collapse into a puddle of nothing

in this life there are only temporary joys, some that grow over time, and some that diminish

staring down at my keyboard because the bright light from the screen is making my head pulse

wishing the present into the past

at some point i stopped believing a single word you said

but it still broke my heart to hear your apology

were you really listening?

i don't know, and i guess i never will

it makes me think of those long phrases at the end of neon

god i can barely keep my head up

i can barely breathe

you pulld at a place in my heart that i often forgot existed

it seems stupid that it still means so much to me

i wish i could forget you, or erase you, all until i talk to you

i forget you're human sometimes

i forget the nuance until i hear from you

i remember different things at different times, i remember the hatred, the disgust, the violence, i remember your presence as violence, and i forget your face as the cord that pulled my heart out of me

for better or for worse, doesn't matter until i do remember

i'd like to lay it to rest for good, lay us to rest and everything that comes with it

you often live here, on the backburner, the stove still running and releasing gas into my apartment

every day i’m breathing in toxic waste, i can feel that much

in the rare moments i think of you, i can’t smile, i can’t scream either

i can only close my eyes now

in one month’s time you will be someone

they will love you, i know that much with all my heart

but maybe only i know that on the inside, you’re no one

desperately clinging to the bits and pieces of anyone, everyone who will let you stay

cursing out those who won’t

clinging still

how long i’ve spent wishing for your happiness rather than an admission

how stupid i was to think i was still in control

but forget justice

you can’t live forever in denial

i do hope you get everything that’s coming for you, in glory and gore