JOLENE BUT IT'S 𝒢𝒜𝒴

hey kid, did you stay out of trouble through the entire trip? there is no chance you managed to stay out of jail the entire time. so c'mon, tell me now.. who paid your bail? — on to being serious for a moment, did you have a good trip? personally i am just happy to finally retreat back home, where no one knows me or wants anything to do with me. so don't come looking for me. just know i'm alive and well, if you don't hear from me for months you know. / @rennrapp

oh, totally. i stayed out of trouble the entire trip. i mean, unless you count that one tiny incident involving a karaoke bar, a stolen inflatable dinosaur, and a very confused cop. no jail time, so i call that a win. and if you must know, my knight in shining armor (a.k.a. my best friend with bail money) didn't come to the rescue. you had ONE fucking job, faist. what's your excuse? on a more serious note, the trip was actually pretty great. lots of new sights, questionable food choices and absolutely zero regrets. but i get you—there's nothing like retreating to your own personal bat cave where you can just be invisible for a while. so, no worries, i won't come looking for you. just live your best hermit life and i'll assume you're alive and thriving unless i hear otherwise. stay mysterious. let's be real, baby—you know, i'll be all up in your grill within the first 30 minutes 'cause i've got zero patience.

have to admit my biggest disappointment is i never got to see you live in mean girls on broadway. it's one of the few shows on broadway i wanted to see and have missed out on that i'm still incredibly disappointed over. sure there's the new updated mean girls movie but it just isn't the same. this is exactly why i'm on top of my broadway game so i don't end up with that missing out feeling. @rennrapp

you’ve made me feel like you’ve missed on the last slice of pizza—which is utterly tragic, so my ego was boosted big time. trust me, nothing beats the live experience—i’m happy to recreate my regina performance whenever you ask me to. in the meantime, at least you have the updated movie to dissect and complain about. i get the idea staying on top of your broadway game; i love broadway but going backeven as audience brings back bad memories. but at the same time, i’d probably have a meltdown if i missed out on something epic. maybe we should start a support group for broadway fomo? i'll bring the snacks, you bring the good looks.

i know i'm late to the party but everyone catch me up. i need ideas where to go what to do? i heard i missed a sick wine tasting yesterday. super jealous. im jet lagged as hell but i am just going to chug a bunch of coffee and hope for the best. @glamourstarters

welcome to the land of the living...finally! yes, you missed the wine tasting, and let me tell you, it was the kind of event that even bacchus would rsvp to. but don’t drown in your fomo just yet—the fun train hasn't left the station yet. what kind of fun are you into? let's see if we can make it happen of ya.

i always feel so at home when i visit france. it has easily become one of my favorite places to visit, seeing as this is my third time in the last year. what has been some of your favorite places you've explored so far while you've been here? maybe i can add a few of them to my 'to do' list before the trip comes to an end. @glamourstarters

i don't venture to france often, so i don’t have a full-blown opinion, but damn, french women are smoking hot. what's got you jet-setting to france all those times? maybe there's some mind-blowing stuff i'm totally oblivious to.

I think "chaotic gay energy" should be the theme and aesthetic for more things in life. I am absolutely, jelly. My roommates are Ross Lynch and Troye Sivan. Not quite the gay headquarters that your room is, but I feel the Rush.

no doubt, you won't catch me dead disagreeing with that. i'm on a freaking mission to make that theme the ultimate bomb, like glitter but way more fun and impossible to get rid of. ross and troye? damn, they'd give my gay HQ a run for its money, if it weren't for the dicks. fucking love those two and trust me, you're in for a treat yourself.

what can i say? sometimes people have to take drastic measures to get what they want. okay, calling me out. it's deserved and next time, i'll definitely ask. i just might be calling a little tiny bit bullshit there because you're in high demand with everyone, not just me. the type's actually blonde triple threats if we want to get a little more specific. we can pretend i didn't say that though since i'm a little curious to see this extra hard work.

you know what they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. yeah, the demand is insane, like seriously crazy. lol, i'm kiddin'—i've actually been chilling alone these past few weeks, enjoying my downtime. i know, hard to believe, right? i swear it was just pure laziness that kept me from swinging by to see you. oh, so you're all about those blonde triple threats. that's legit me, the ultimate package. i'm trying so damn hard right now to not be all smug about it and act like i didn't hear that, y'know, for the plot. 'kay, the extra work will consist maybe in ignoring you for vic until you come get what you want, baby.

Are you saying that we can be hot together? I really don't know if the world can handle that, bellissima. But I'm willing to set the world on fire. I'm glad that you're changing your mind about actually needing drinks for us to fuck. Cause otherwise the disappointment would be real.

and she's smart, too. ugh, i'm suddenly even more turned on. set the world on fire? i was thinking more like going full inferno. i'm an ambitious bitch, okay? drinks are nice but they make zero difference. whether we have them or not, it's obvious that neither has any filters or shyness.

I'm still not over your performances at Coachella. I vote that you should repeat them at the ball thing that's apparently happening. It might actually get me to go to it. Dressing up for the MET was a lot of work. I don't know if I've got it in me to do it again. Which icon would you bring out to perform this time? @rennrapp

nah, you missed out, baby. you totally should've been there, but you made your choice. that's on you. it's not too late. i've got a bunch of gigs lined up this summer, so you still have a chance to catch the show. wait, you're telling me that's not how you wake up in the morning? fuck, you make it seem so easy. doesn't help that i find you fucking hot no matter what. to answer your question - obviously, it's you, duh.

Called you out on it, why? It wouldn't be the first time I've been referenced in much a manner and I'll proudly wear it like a badge of honour, thank you very much. It's a very high standard you've set for me here, but I want you to know I take it very seriously like. There isn't a world I'm which I'd want to argue with you. I'm half sure you'd have the capability of hurting my feelings and well, I'm rather fond of you so that'd just put a downer on things. Ah yes, it should make for a good craic. Thank you so much. Know that the same can be said about me watching you perform. I'll be cheering you on regardless of when you take center stage. Must feel like a piece of piss for you now you've done Coachella. Do you still feel thst rush of excitement before you take the stage?

because officially that's hayley kiyoko. but i've started my own religion, us americans are wild for that. look at you getting all sentimental on me—i might actually tear up. or it's just allergies. yeah, definitely allergies. keep the flattery coming. stage rush is like downing ten espressos while riding a rollercoaster and being high on cocaine. no matter how many times i do it, there’s always that moment right before i step out where my stomach does flips and i think "what if i just bolt?" but then the music hits, and it's like, nah, this is it. this is the good stuff. where else would i get the chance to see all those awestruck faces? yours included, which, by the way, is a top-tier addition to any audience. i'll make myself a "hozier was in my audience" badge and wear it with honor.

I noticed a theme going on when it comes to your room. Did you plan for it to happen or did the lesbian goddesses above take fate into their own hands when they made you three roommates? @rennrapp

totally, fate had its playdate without us. who knew that ‘chaotic gay energy’ was a valid theme for interior design? but here we are, thriving in our gay agenda headquarters. jelly, babygirl? who are you rooming with?

the fact that i have the chance to be in this amazing city while being some what in your presence is fantastic. i know that you are just going to make this city such a wonderful time, my lovely little icon! how are you darling? everything's treating you well so far? @rennrapp

wow, buttering me up with compliments, are we? it’s working, keep it up, baby. seriously, having you here definitely cranks up the city’s charm by at least ten notches. i’m doing fantastic, just riding the rollercoaster that is my fabulously unpredictable life. how about you? excited to be here? stoked about the inevitable prospect of seeing each other a bunch?

So I see you've taken time away from slaying the stage to spend some time in France? I don't know what God's made that happen, but I'm thrilled that they brought you here. I've been admiring from a distance, but now that we're in the same place I've decided to stop being a fucking loser and finally introduce myself. I'm Madelyn. Big fan of your worker, huge fan of your attitude. It's nice to meet one so hell bent on being authentic to themselves. @rennrapp

step right up to the confession booth, because admitting you've been a 'fucking loser' is the first step to redemption. jokes aside, i'm thrilled to meet someone who appreciates the fine art of not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. thanks for the props on my work and my 'attitude'—i wear it like a badge of honor. so, what’s the plan, baby? coffee, wine, or straight to ruling the world together?

is this a good time to say that i paid off some really important people to make sure we were rooming together? the lack of you in my life was becoming too unbearable. you're forgiven. it's not like i was scanning the crowd hoping to see my favorite blonde night after night or anything. i'm totally fucking with you. besides, i know you've been busy. i'm still thinking about your coachella sets, btw. let's have some fun now and then we can worry about you being vip at my next show. how's that?

you sly one, trying to bribe the universe to make things go your way. here i was, thinking my life had magically fallen into place. if you missed me that much, you could've just asked. i'm never too busy for you, baby. if scanning the crowd for blondes keeps the dream alive, who am i to judge? is that your type? if not, i'll have to work extra hard to convince you that it is.