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This is an acrostic poem. I feel like the form is underappreciated or relegated to the territory of middle school English classes. But they can be fun and require putting intention into word choice and line breaks.

The acrostic is "Peak Yearning", plus an "SH" as a sort of signature line!

See, SJM? Poetry is cool!

“Elain,” he breathed.

Running her hands down his body, she felt his hard length straining at his pants. She wanted to grab him, taste him, take him inside her...

“Elain,” he said again, his tone more emphatic now.

She looked up at him with dazed, heavy-lidded eyes.

“Not here,” he gave her a shy smile, and stroked a curl away from her face. “As much as I want to – as much as I want this – someone could see us. It’s not private enough…”

He was completely right. What had she been thinking? The garden walls were high, but that didn’t mean much in a court full of winged Illyrians. And the others could be back at any moment. Or – oh gods – did he think this was a ‘mistake’?! Would this be yet another broken friendship to maneuver her way around whenever he visited Velaris? She had her apology ready on her lips, was about to speak, when she felt his mouth next to her ear.

“… not private enough for the things I want to do to you.”

Huge thanks to my betas, @chaol-apologist and @crazy-ache

Elain made it to her rooms before the tears that had been stinging the corners of her eyes spilled over and made a mad dash down her cheeks. Her hand played idly at her chest, where until just a few moments ago, the beautiful rose pendant had rested, burning against her skin as if someone had thrown the damn thing in the fire before presenting it to her. As if it knew that wearing it was some kind of betrayal. 

Mistake. The word rang incessantly in her head; mistake, mistake, mistake. Each new iteration of the word ringing out like a cursed bell, a fresh wave of tears cresting over her bottom lids with every new toll. A sob bubbled up from her chest and she shoves her fist in her mouth to stifle it before it can escape, afraid that it might awaken anyone in the house and alert them to her distress…that it might alert him to her distress. At the thought she bites down on her fist so hard she’s surprised she doesn’t taste blood. 

Stupid. She had been so stupid. Of course Azriel would be too noble to rise to the occasion and defile sweet innocent Elain. Nevermind that she had practically thrown herself at him tonight. She knew he wanted her, or at least the version of her she had carefully curated to entice him, but of course that image had backfired on her in the end. Azriel saw her as some dainty, delicate little thing to protect, to save, to prove himself worthy. Not someone to love. Not really. 

No one ever saw her as someone to love. Not even Greyson. 

She runs to her bed and flings herself on top of it, burying her face in the pillows so she can cry freely without fear of discovery or threat of pain. She knows it’s a little dramatic, but she feels like she’s earned the right to be dramatic tonight. 

It wasn’t fair! Was she really so impossible to love? She tried so hard to be exactly what they wanted her to be! She was soft and quiet and made herself small and agreeable. She had practically made herself into a mirror, reflecting back to all who looked at her exactly what they wanted to see from her…and it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. She was never enough, no matter how much she tried. 

She was so wrapped up in her misery that at first she didn’t notice it, the soft steady thumping had more or less become a background noise to her anyway, easily ignored since dinner when her ears had adjusted to the rhythmic almost drumlike sound. But eventually she was made aware that the thumping was…louder…more incessant. Her sobs pause and she lifts and cocks her head, concentrating. Yes there can be no doubt, he was standing right outside her door. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

She holds her breath, waiting, though she knows he won’t intrude on her privacy. A part of her wishes he would, an ugly animalistic part of her, and an easily ignored part. “Go away” she snaps at the door. “I don’t want you.” 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

He doesn’t say a word, but the heartbeat tells her he hasn’t moved. 

She hiccups. “Pervert” she says loud enough that she knows he can hear her. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

The sound is soothing at least. Steady, like a metronome, and grounding. She lays her head back down on the pillow, forces herself to listen to the steady rhythm. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

The despairing thoughts in her head begin to settle, and then quiet. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

Her hiccups and sniffles turn to steady, even breaths. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

Her tears dry up. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

She feels exhaustion settling over her. The restlessness and anger and frustration leaking away to make room for it. Her eyes grow heavy. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

“I hate you” she grumbles, her body sinking fast into sleep. She doesn’t know if he hears her. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. 

Her heart is now beating in time with his. It’s the last thought she has before her dreams claim her. 

Love me. Love me. Love me. 

I will. I will. I will.

“Elain, it’s been nearly three years,” he said finally. “Don’t you think it’s time you made a decision?”

“A decision about what?”

He sighed defeatedly. “About whether you’re going to reject the mating bond.”

She gave a laugh that sounded like tinkling bells, but he recognized it for what it was. A show. A courtier’s laugh.

“I really don’t see what’s so funny about –”

“You’re all obsessed with ‘mating bonds’,” Elain interrupted. “With whether I’ll accept or reject, whether I’m free to live my life or be forever tethered to a stranger. I can’t exist without judgement if I choose to flirt, or charm, or take a lover who doesn’t claim to be my mate.”

Take a lover? Claim? He felt a growl rumble deep in his chest at the suggestion, and hoped to the Mother she hadn’t heard it. He’d had a… sense, at Solstice, that there had been something – a flicker of desire for someone other than him. He’d tortured himself about it, never once imagining she might be acting out, some form of rebellion against her perceived entrapment.

“But I’m not about to play along with all this faerie nonsense, like my sisters do,” she continued, tilting her chin in the air. “I don’t have to reject something that isn’t real!”

He blinked, wondering for a moment if he’d misheard her.

“Not… real?”

“Not real,” she repeated, turning from him. “From my observations, I’ve deduced that mating bonds are a myth, perpetuated by the High Fae to lure poor unsuspecting wom– females into relationships with,” she flicked her eyes over him, “unscrupulous strangers.”

Strangers? Unscrupulous? A myth? An incredulous laugh spilled from him, but she remained stone-faced. She wasn’t joking.

Lucien shook his head in disbelief. Of course. Of course. Trust the Cauldron to give him a mate who wasn’t just reluctant to make a decision about the bond, but was in complete denial about its existence! Did she not face the same daily tortures as him? The same dull ache of longing when they weren’t near each other? The same ravenous urges when they were in close proximity like this?

Huge thanks to my betas, @chaol-apologist and @crazy-ache

She glanced at him a smile playing over her own lips as his hand roamed over the confides of her stomach, their daughter following the path of his hand. She had always been more active when they were all together.

"She's restless today. I swear she takes after you that way." She teased him as Lucien gave a soft chuckle, pressing a kiss to her abdomen.

"She's probably running out of room in there and is eager to see the outside world, she only has three weeks left after all." Lucien countered.

"Trust me. She reminds me the closer we get to her due date."

Elain winced slightly as their daughter sent a swift kick to her ribs in protest as Lucien tsked,

"Be kinder to your mother, sunflower. She's eager to meet you too. We all are."

"Especially your grandfather." She mused, a knowing smile playing over Lucien's lips,

"i think he's just eager to have a grandchild to spoil, Mother knows the pegasi are eager for her to make her arrival as well."

She smiled at that as their hands interlocked together, her head cocking to the side as she asked,

"Do you remember the day we found out we were having her?"

"i don't think I could ever forget."

**************************************************************************

The day started off as any other, Elain rose with the dawn, energized by the first rays of light, as she made her way to the cozy kitchen her and Lucien had designed together, ready to start her day.

It had been a decade. A decade since she had found out that her and Lucien were mates. Seven years since they had set off to the continent together, since those walls they had built up around their bond came crashing down, and their love slowly started to bloom. And then they had argued, about the bond, their feelings for one another. And when she had told him she had always wanted a husband, not a mate. He had simply answered with “the. Be my wife instead.”

She had blinked at him, taken aback by his response as he had cradled her hand within his own. Saying that it had taken him a while to figure out why he had went through what he went through. But when he looked at her, he knew. And if loving her meant being her husband instead of her mate, then he would gladly take the honor of that being his title instead.

She had kissed him then. That love blossoming between them as they had consummated their love in those woods that night. And had married in the tulip fields of the continent three days later. She had never remembered feeling happier.

And then five years ago, when all the dust settled, when everything was finally over, he had been offered a place here in the Day Court. His father, his true one, wanting nothing more than to know him if that was what Lucien had wanted.

They had talked about it, about what accepting the offer might lead to. The responsibility that would be placed on both of them now that she was his wife. That one day she might inherit the title of High Lady. Similar to how Feyre was High Lady.

He told her he wouldn’t subject her to that if that was not what she wished. But when she considered it. Considered him and the life they could have together. She had realized that there was no where else she would rather be than at his side.

And when they had made their farewells, her giving a tear filled goodbye to her sisters promising that no matter where the world took them that they would always be each other’s sisters. They had promised that they would always have a place in each other’s worlds. And perhaps that was enough.

Then three years ago, after various nights at the Day Court. After they both had grown into their roles here and had found a place not too far from where Helion resided, Lucien claiming that they needed their own space. She had asked him to make a meal with her.

They had grown accustom to this. Making their own food together so that there was no accidental accepting of their mating bond. She had turned to him then, mixing bowl in her hands as she asked him if they could make it together.

He had swallowed then, asking her if she was sure as she nodded, tears prickling the corner of her eyes as he had pressed a kiss to her lips, and then for behind her to help mix the batter.

Their hands working in tandem as they always had done and would continue to do, as she lifted the whisk between them, the batter dripping from it as he leaned forward, his tongue flickering out to taste the batter as a fire consumed his gaze. Using that same talented tongue to taste her as their frenzy began on that kitchen counter.

A soft blush painted her cheeks remembering that day as she pulled out the contents of what she wanted to make for breakfast before she set down the eggs, bread, and sausages that she wanted to prepare for that morning, wanting to surprise her mate with breakfast that morning when the nausea rolled in, making her stomach roil as she threw open the windows to catch some semblance of fresh air.

The nausea had started a week ago, hitting Elain at strange times during the day as she fought the urge to vomit the contents of her breakfast, and sometimes her lunch or dinner depending when it swept in. It had always subsided before Elain truly started to worry about it, but now-now it felt as if the kitchen was surrounded by ungodly amounts of heat, and every smell assaulted her fae senses.

She fanned her face, pulling out a chair, her stomach still swept in nausea as she placed her head between her knees, fighting off the boasts of nausea that consumed her.

Soft footfalls sounded in the kitchen, alerting her to his presence.

"Elain." The gentle voice said, his scent surrounded her sweet apples and warm cinnamon engulfing her as she met her mate's gaze.

She pressed a hand to her mouth, that sickness still sweeping over her as tears prickled at the ducts of her eyes, feeling faint. The heat-it was damn near sweltering, and it wasn't even noun.

"I feel sick." She admitted to him, trying to breath through her nose, Lucien's reflexes kicking in as he swept a bin towards her and she hurled into it, emptying her stomach as his eyes swept over her in concern.

"I'll go fetch the healer." Lucien assured her, helping her out of her seat and leaning her against him so she could stand. A pilar of strength as he was in most things.

"But, the food-" She protested not sure why she did so as Lucien assisted her in standing, the world wobbling slightly on its axis as he kept her upright, sweeping her up into his arms, careful not to jostle her too much in case the nausea came back.

"I care more about you. Come now, we'll get you back into bed and I'll call on the healer to come examine you."

She nodded, letting Lucien guide her to their room, leaving the breakfast untouched as she swore she felt the sun on her back as they went.

**************************************************************************

"And how long have you been experiencing these bouts of nausea?" The healer inquired, her hands pressing to Elain's abdomen as she winced slightly at the touch, the healer taking note as she continued her ministrations.

"On and off for the past week." Elain answered, Lucien sitting on the chair by their bedside, clutching onto her hand as he watched the healer's hands work. marking where they touched. Seeming more protective of her than usual.

The healer hummed, pressing against a tender spot as Elain hissed, Lucien tensing at the sound.

"Is that sensitive?"

She nodded as the healer cocked her head,

"Do smells usually trigger these boasts of nausea?"

She nodded, the healer considering, as she continued,

"And your courses?"

Elain straightened, considering the question, she pondered this, counting back the weeks since she had last- she blanched, her hand pressed firmly against her abdomen. Lucien's eyes flickering to that hand, his metal eye whirling as he marked the gesture.

"Are you saying-"Lucien started, realization hitting him the same time as it hit Elain,

"I'm saying that there's a good chance that your mate isn't sick after all. If my suspicions are correct," The healer's eyes met Elain's own. "If my suspicions are correct, I think you might be pregnant."

Elain's breath caught in her throat, the words clinging through her, her hand pressing further into her abdomen, still flat as far as the eye could see, but if she focused, concentrated on her scent, she could tell the tattle tale signs of a new scent emerging.

Lucien, as if noting the change of her scent too, grasped one of her hands, squeezing it within his own in reassurance. His face one of wonder and awe and-

Joy. Pure utter joy that she had only seen in very rare moments with him, illuminating his face, swearing that she could see tears forming in his eyes, as his hand joined hers on her abdomen.

"I'd like to do a thorough examination to prove my suspicions."

Elain nodded, silent words passing between the two...

A child. She was with child, Her and Lucien's child. The future of this court growing within her as she felt the tell of the healer's magic working, an image projecting in a silhouette of golden light-

At first it was nothing, a blurred image that Elain had to focus on, before the image caught her eyes, her own breath catching as she focused on that image, focused on, and then there it was-her ears pounding with the force of it, Lucien's own gaze tearing from her own as his gaze flickered to that image, to that sound-

A heartbeat. Not one that belonged to Lucien or to her, but to the life they had created together. Their child. Wild and strong and full of light as they glanced at the image with awe.

"There they are, If my measurements are correct, i would say you're 7 to 8 weeks along. And everything with the babe looks good. Congratulations my lord and lady." She smiled, her gaze flickering towards them as they thanked her before she left the two alone, leaving the image projecting so they could look at it for a moment or two longer.

Tear prickled in her eyes, her laughter damn near infectious as she saw Lucien's own form. He pulled her in, pressing a kiss to her lips as their hands clutched together on her abdomen, settling on the life they had formed there as the light filtered through the room, the sound of their child's heartbeat in their ears as they listened to the steadiness of it's beating, their hands clutching together as their world expanded before them, like the sun breaking on the horizon.

**************************************************************************

Their hands clutched together now, lost in that moment at the joy of it as a shot of pain coursed through her, stealing her breath away as she squeezed Lucien's hand so tightly she was surprised that she hadn't hurt him, as she gasped out, the pain so sharp that it was damn near unbearable.

"Elain," He breathed, his spine straightening, his eyes scanning over every inch of her as her hand went to her abdomen, trying to inhale a few deep, calming breaths as another wave of pain hit her, as she bent over bracing herself against him for support, as she felt the tattle tell gushing between her thighs.

"I think-" She breathed through the pain, "I think our daughter is more eager to meet us than we originally thought-"

Her eyes widened, his gaze wild and panicked as Elain breathed,

"I think-I think my water just broke." She laughed through the pain, another contraction hitting her fast and hard as Lucien breathed,

"Okay, Okay. I'll call the healer." '

"Okay. " She breathed as he helped her out of the rocking chair, his eyes resting on hers as he squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"Let's go meet our daughter, Mate."

She nodded, leaning on him for support and they walked through their next journey of life together, eager to bring their daughter into this world as the sun embraced them as they walked towards that journey together.