New Post has been published on https://reesebird.com/2019/09/12/long-term-family-relationship-rage/
Long - Term Family Relationship Rage
I (37f) have been with my partner (39m) for 8 years. We live together and weāre very happy. The thing is, I have a twin who basically makes our life hell at every opportunity.
The first time she came out with us (two weeks after we got together), she started talking about things that Iād done in the pastā¦ ādid you tell SO about the time you did thisā, āremember the time you did thatā and its basically been like this for 8 years. This is my only long-term relationship. When I first got together with my SO, I was trying to make a life for myself in a new city after a crappy couple of years and this seemed like the start of it. At the time, I was still getting to know new people. Because of stupid mistakes and despite having a degree, Iād had to take an entry level job on a crap salary so I could re-build my life. My twin, with no degree and living in a different city, earned a lot more than me at the time and took great delight in telling me this. I used to be more outgoing than I am these days and am an introvert. I donāt go out of my way to make new friends or meet new people but I keep in touch with the few people who have hung around because I value the fact theyāve stayed with me.
Over the last 8 years, Iāve managed to build a career and move up the career ladder. Iāve gained a Masters degree and I earn more money than I ever thought I was capable of. This has infuriated my twin and despite everyone being happy for what Iāve achieved, she seems to hate the fact that Iāve made a success (ish) of myself and canāt cope with the fact Iām doing well for myself and she is still working entry level jobs. She dropped out of higher and further education and only has high school level education. She has never tried to develop her skill set in employment either and has no other qualifications to speak of. She is thinner than me and has had more (short-term) relationships than I have and I think she sees herself as the āgood looking oneā (which Iām not bothered about). She is single and has been for most of my 8 year relationship.
We used to be close but when I moved to the new city and when I started seeing my SO, she became this uncontrollable person. She denies itās down to jealousy (I have my doubts) and I could spend all day listing things sheās done, a few examples are:
1. A few weeks after I started seeing SO, she got drunk at a club night, we argued and she three a bag of chips at my SO and then stormed off. This was 3am in the morning and I said she couldnāt stay at mine. A group of men (who were strangers) took pity on her and have her a sofa for the night
2. After a gig, me, my twin, SO and one his friends were at his flat having beers and she started posting on social media about how she was at the lamest party ever then started documenting about how she was āboredā
3. After falling out with her over NY the 1st year of seeing my SO (weād been together 7 months by this point), she hacked my FB account and made a derogatory post about me
4. She once phoned the police and told reported that she was being attacked in our flat (weād moved in by this point) and the police spent the entire weekend shouting through our door about how we would be arrested for assault. The report was untrue (and the cop was being a dick and I should have reported him for harrassment). This was because I refused to confirm her whereabouts so they could check she was safe. I knew she was at my dadās and didnāt want to disturb him
5. While I was doing my Masters degree (something she has claimed she is proud of me for?!), any time she got drunk, she would pick up a pint glass, call me a āfat spongeā (my SO supported me for a year because I left full-time employment) and threaten to put the glass in my face
6. She constantly verbally abused my SO. She calls him fat (constantly) and her new favourite thing to do is to call us both out on being an embarrassment to our respective families. His family have never suggested this to be the case and the truth of the matter is, she is the only family member I am in contact with
7. She starts fights and arguments with strangers and I have often tried to calm down the situations. Often, I end up in an argument that I have tried to diffuse and then she blames me ruining a āgood nightā. She canāt see her actions have consequences and I doubt she has ever had to live with the consequences of her actions
8. On our 2nd anniversary, I missed a call from my twin and when I checked my phone, I had 68 angry texts from her on my phone
I hide her behaviour and people know some of the things sheās done but not all of them. Iām not perfect and have never claimed to be. I have a very colourful past and I have grown up a lot in my 30s and Iām happy that I have. My sister has not and still behaves the same way she did when she was 17. My sister and I used to be really close and shared a flat for many years but when I moved to the new city and met my SO, I guess I neglected the relationship with her a bit but she took an instant dislike to my SO (or maybe it was the relationship she disliked) and shortly after I started seeing him, she texted me and said ā Iām not going to make you choose between him and meā. I guess Iāve never let that leave me. I texted back and told her heād done nothing wrong (he hadnāt, this was a text I received from her) and if she made me choose, I would choose him.
She constantly talks about me and my SO at work. She tells me this. Though she makes it sound like weāre buddies and sheās happy for me. She never does the ābad stuffā when anyone is there to witness it. Nor does she tell anyone about it. Itās the complete opposite of back stabbing ā she is horrible to us and about us to our faces and is nice about us behind our backs. My SO has learned to live with it but his family are not like this. His family are friendly and his mum has embraced her. Iām not particularly close with his mum but his mum has allowed her to stay over at her house. Because she knows I am not in contact with my family (my twin isnāt either), she has had her over for Christmas.
I donāt know why Iām actually writing this post. I donāt think Iām looking for advice on how to handle the situation because itās been going on for so long, I donāt think things will ever change. Maybe I need to get things off my chest and write it down. I have thought about keeping a diary, writing a blog but have not yet getting round to doing this.
Last night we went to a gig. She stormed off (I still canāt figure out why but she had been in a mood since I turned up). The gig finished at half 10 and because she had stormed off my SO and me went for a couple of drinks before heading home. She went out drinking alone and when I woke up this morning, I had 6 missed calls (SO had 2) and 5 texts from her as well as a VM. She was saying she couldnāt get home and couldnāt walk. I missed this because I was sleeping. The texts and calls were left between half 12 and 1am so I guess she had been drinking alone. This situation is somehow my fault because I never got her calls. I was angry with her so wouldnāt have answered my phone even if I had got them. She claims she was in a ditch until 1.30am because her drink had been spiked. When I said maybe she should go to the hospital, get blood test and file a report with the police and maybe they can investigate. I questioned why she phoned me. She could have used her phone to get an Uber or phone the emergency services. Why did she not flag anyone down if her drink had been spiked? If her drink was spiked, why would she be alone? Would the person who spiked it not be following herā¦ in which case, she could scream for attention. I think itās fair to say, I have doubts about her version of events and I think she was drunk. Sheās 37 and putting herself in dangerous situations.
If she sees this and identifies me as the author, she will spend the rest of the day sending me abusive texts to the effect Iāve written this for attention. To be honest, I donāt know why Iāve written this.
If youāre still reading this, I agree, this was a long read.
