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Procrastinating is just enjoying all of the side quests of life while delaying the real mission at hand (source)

Sex is like the stock market. If you don’t pull out at the right time you end up losing a bunch of money.

Maybe people who always complain about bad customer service are just bad customers.

You realize just how unoriginal you actually are when you’re trying to come up with a username that hasn’t been taken.

The internet was created to share ideas, and instead its used for people to find others who think exactly the same as them to reinforce their ideas

A lot of people who are socially awkward are only socially awkward because they believe they’re socially awkward.

Shirts are crazy. Your body goes in one hole then comes out of three.

The brain is the only thing to have ever named itself.

Earlier people used to write personal stuff in their diaries and get mad when people read them. Now people write personal stuff on social media and get mad when people DON’T read them.

Today we are horrified if we see no driver behind the wheel of a car. Future generations will instead be horrified to see a driver behind the wheel.

If humans create the cure for aging you can guarantee we’re going to give it to our pets too.