Red Ram

I guess you all know by now about tumblr changes regarding adult content and I’m not ok with it, therefore, I’m leaving.

BUT! You can still find me on other social media sites, such as:

TWITTER - (English) This is were I’m most active. INSTAGRAM - (English) I don’t post as often, but it’s always art. FACEBOOK - (Spanish) Kinda like a mix between twitter and instagram but for spanish speakers

And if you’d like to support me, there’s always

PATREON - I update monthly with extra content

Commissions SALE! Reblog please! 

 I'm opening a few slots for April for digital colored commissions! 

 Bust/Half Body $45! (Almost half of the regular price!)

 One character - Additional character: $15

This time I’m actually very glad I did. Many people has reached out to me with words of love, encouragement and support.  It honestly blows my mind, I’m a stranger to them, to all of you. I’m just a random chick that makes a gay webcomic in the internet. 

Yet, I feel very loved. And you see, this is what I think; if you’re loved like this it means you’re doing the right thing.

Ah, I don’t know how to express how grateful I am, I feel there’s nothing I can do to show you how much your words touch me.

The only thing I can do to give something back is to keep on working. And that’s what I’ve been doing!

Since I came back from Japan, everything has been a mess.  I am a person that has a hard time with time management, it’s very hard for me to stay organized and follow schedules. This is because I have constant ups and downs and my productive energy and focus vary in intensity. In general I keep it in check, some weeks I produce tons of stuff and some other weeks the production is kept at a minimun but still meeting all deadlines.

But the trip to Japan kinda messed with my schedules. When I got back spent last days of November and first week of December completely sick. Then I worked quite a bit during December but having minor symptoms of anxiety. I usually have them under control because after being 4 years under psychiatric & therapist treatment kinda teaches you a few things about anxious personality disorder with panic attacks. In January I started having terrible back & hip pains, kind of a consecuence from my trip too. I injured my knees for walking too much. This week I went to a doctor and I have to go to rehab, physiotherapy and gym to strengthen cuadriceps; my legs muscles are weak so my knees are doing the wrong movements. During January my anxiety increased and it got to the point where last Monday I had a fucking huge panic attack, like the ones I used to have back in 2010. I had to call an ambulance because I couldn’t find my health insurance number at that time. I ended up in a hospital, I was given pills... ah, whatever. The usual. (It’s not something serious but sometimes when you call an ambulance here they are under the obligation to take you to a public hospital to have you checked)

I was able to contact a therapist last Friday and I am so glad I did. Last year I saw two other therapist and things didn’t go well, I ended up frustrated and sad. Having to tell all my story for a third time seemed exhausting and I already didn’t have much expectations but quite the contrary, it was really awesome. The guy made it super easy for me, he really listened to me and by the end, when I told him “this time I don’t know what’s bothering me so much, I don’t know what’s stressing me, I want to know why so I can work on it but I’m clueless” he just gave me the most spot on answer and I was like... fuck, it was right in front of my face. Obviously, it’s not a magical answer, he listened so well that he was able to see certain things in my speech that I didn’t.

Basically, there’s a voice inside my head, a very negative voice that’s tiranic, merciless, ruthless that doesn’t leave me breath. That voice is constantly telling me what I should do, when I should do it, why I should do it, etc. It’s pressuring me all the time. It’s like having a toxic dom inside me lmao. If I don’t do stuff, I am guilty. If I don’t meet deadlines, I’m a failure. If my drawings don’t meet a certain standard, I shouldn’t even have the right to draw. Yeah, it’s hard to live like that. You’re not supposed to live like that. But right now this is what has been happening since I overcame my first obstacle: making the decision to do art.

So this is what’s been happening, this is why there aren’t new pages of Midnight Coffee. I’m so stressed out that I have lost all the motivation to draw. I love my story and I have been thinking about it a lot. Actually I even forced myself to thumbnail part 1 of the new version, but that’s the only thing I’ve accomplished so far.

Also, social media is contributing to all this toxic behavior. It angers me to read complaints about life from random people. I try to not complain, I try to be positive for me and for others. People whining and crying constantly about every little thing just... right now, it gets on my nerves and leaves me absolutely upset and angry. And people being productive is hurting me too. Of course, I am happy for them and usually it’s very inspirational. But right now, it makes me feel bad because I am not being productive and I really wish to be.

So this is why I’m cutting myself out of social media for a while, probably a month or two. I will try to upload some MC pages but there aren’t any set dates. Patreons will get their rewards as per usual, as well as commissions will be delivered. You can contact me via DM in twitter, in Discord if you have me or by email: [email protected] But I’m not going to be as active as before for a while. I need time to reorganize myself, my schedules, everything.

INKBOOK

Midnight Coffee Midnight Bond 25 inked (B&W) illustrations featuring characters from Midnight Coffee and Midnight Bond.

R18: Contains nudity and sexual themes.

Info & Purchase: [email protected] [PayPal]

If you’re a tier 3 patron, you’ll get it as a reward.