Between Art and Drugs

23.04.2016 Feeling quite miserable at last, i guess depression is hitting back on me. I avoid leaving my appartment and most unecessery activities  and isolate myself most of the time. I hate myself being lazy, anxious and tired so much, wish i would have the motivation to change this. But as i don’t i keep on clouding my mind with all drugs i can lay my hands on, while drowing in self-hate. I really have to leave my bed to eat and clean my appartment and i also had plans with my friends for the evening, which i will probably will cancel again as i am unbearable, not fun to be around and too exhausted for such a big crowd. No idea what’s the point of having a life like this, i’m just a sick mess and too exhausted and helpless to do something about it anymore.

4x fucking Zopiclone, all the weed i’ve got left and im still restless and AWAKE. Tomorrow will be nice, i guess.

21.04.2016 Binged on Speed the whole day. Forgot about half of my Venlafaxine dosage today. Took one Zopiclone half an hour ago instead. Now i feel sick, my head aches and i’m restless, arms are shaking. Please, for Christ’s sake, i want to feel tired and fall asleep.

Being familiar and comfortable with your own flaws is the most disarming thing when in an argument.

Current issue: Strong desire to either finish the day with two or three zopiclone or a bottle of wine. Obvious what’s going on here. Will i do something about that? Yes, pouring in some more of that cheap white wine and swallow it down with one of those comfy pills, cheers.