home

I was anxious and awake the whole night, I couldn't sleep, awaiting your call, which you said that you'd do, right after you were done with your night. I waited and waited, I cried, I was anxious, I couldn't breathe, and I wished I could make everything stop so I couldn't feel anything anymore. You messaged me 8hours later saying you were too busy to text. 8 hours later. You couldn't be bothered to check your phone for 8hours. I called and called and called. I just needed a response. Something, anything, for you to show that you cared, to make it okay for me to fall asleep that night. I wanted to die. Was it my fault? Do I make things hard? Was it stupid to expect at least a reply, in that 8 hours? You couldn't even be bothered to apologize. I don't know how long I can keep this up, where I spend nights slaving over surprises for you and then you can't even check your phone through a night. You know I'm unstable, especially yesterday when I told you, all about my suicidal thoughts, when I told you about my day. You went back to how you were before, refusing to even listen. I don't know why you get like this, and I don't know what to do. You always say you love me but do you really? When you can't even keep in contact with me? When you ignore me on purpose?

I feel like dying today.

I'm so tired

I'm so tired of being stepped on whilst I try to be nice

Back to wishing I was dead

One of the worst fucking days of my life and it was supposed to be one of the best.