pinkskies

he’ll never notice, never observe me, never behold me, the only time i get his full attention is if i ask for it or if i worry him, since his worries hold his mind hostage—and my emotions hold mine but im not as justified bc i dont want to name it, i shame it. i look and observe and behold him constantly, i notice, i calculate, without asking, i just stare and study and learn and i can read him until my tears disturb my vision. Even then i apologize for wetting the page. i put the book down to dry, i dont want to ruin it further but i apologize for that too, its me hurting at all thats the problem. Im sorry.

I wish i had a soulmate, i just wanna go so many places, and see so many things, and have someone i can drag along and say “do you see this?!” to

I got a raise, and my request for health insurance got accepted not just for me but for the whole ph team!! Even for the coworkers i dont like 🙄 yall r welcome

I hate that recently, in my dreams, you’re also dead. Even asleep, I grieve you. My grief never rests now.

Why did you have to go, now i cant help but live to remember you. I dont like living, but if i die then what proof will be left that you existed, it’ll be like a second death and I would have failed to save you twice.

Nothing much changed… im still sad just underneath thicker layers