Well... This is awkward. This is my second time starting this week's Blog, because I accidentally unplugged my laptop cord & killed her -Sweet Dee hasn't had a battery for almost a year now & I was typing on the couch this morning. Upon a cursed Tray Table, by the way. It was a good blog too - I opened up about why I'm antisocial sometimes, I shared some great advice, I talked about organizing crayons & how I currently (try) to plan and meet goals.. Oh well - I get a chance to write again.
I truly wasn't feeling up for socializing, this morning. Then, I started typing..
Lately, I've been nose deep in my Story Building / avoiding emotions, while I patiently wait for a Start Date of my new Career. My usual routine hasn't changed - still up early, feeding everyone, making Love's lunch, then it's Story Building until late afternoon. After some afternoon chorin' or some time outside, I cook dinner, do the dishes, then clean the litter boxes. Sometimes I have a bit of energy left to do a little bit more story building work, but most nights I just watch Love play a video game or we find something we like on YouTube. I love my routine!.. However, we haven't been doing well financially because we only have one income. Hence, the reason I need a New Career - one I can juggle while I put together the Stardustopian Universe - One I am trying very very hard to wait patiently for... It's been weeks - I have been told it takes time, so I'm trying not to get discouraged.
An emotion that has been tossed into the pile of laundry by the rest of them. Imagine that emotions are blankets - I have all mine piled in a corner of the room - waiting to get washed, folded, and neatly put away... but I hate laundry.
Cursed Tray Table? - It's a long story...
Anyways, yes - I can be antisocial at times. This week, for example, it has been more challenging for me to say hi to my friends and family & post to my Instagram Story. <- Is something I truly enjoy doing because I LIKE sharing the fun adventurous parts of my life. Also, I am so grateful to have a couple of friends & family that will reach out to me when I do go quiet... Love y'all.
Why has it been challenging? A lot of the reason is because I don't want to burden someone with my emotions - especially if it's got something to do with the nature of the relationship, friendship, partnership. It's probably good for myself to admit that I try too hard to please everyone. Coupled with horrible trust issues, this is a horrific combination. I've reached a point where I'll just deal with whatever emotion on my own, because it's too confusing for others to understand, yet. I haven't learned how to properly socialize my emotions, just yet..
I only ever wanted you to see the confident go getter that I know I am - not the shy, serious, insecure, resentful mess that I'm still working on.. - It's probably good that you know both, however.
Back when I was 5 years old, being raised by cartoons, an alcoholic mother & a father who paid all the bills but was never home - I was obsessed with organizing my crayons and coloring in my coloring book page by page. My Mother asked me when I was that age why I would start to color a new page without finishing the one I started before. It really stuck & from that point forward, even if it was half assed & rushed - I finished the page that I was on before starting a new one. It was a Rugrats Coloring Book, in case you are curious.
I spent most of my childhood playing by myself or with my little sister. We used our imagination to bring Barbie dolls or Beanie Babies or Dinosaurs to life & would march them around our house, going on adventures - this still cracks my Father up, to this day - As we got older, we became more independent of one another. She was able to go out and make friends, whereas I felt too shy to be myself among my peers. I'll talk about this more in detail in a future blog.. the reason I brought that up is to help explain why I created all the imaginary friends & the world that I did.
The few friends I was able to make in real life were cool. I lacked the self confidence to be able to hold on to those friendships & put in the work it takes for lasting ones. I learn from my mistakes. Also, since I lived the childhood that I did, I now have a really interesting World and Friends to share with this Realm. One that I'm putting all my heart & spirit into.
The advice that I said in the first blog, I will say again - I'll try to remember how I worded it, because I really enjoy how I said it before..
For you young Artists, Writers, Musicians - If you're inspired to create, do it - Art truly is in the eye's of the beholder & we're our worst critics. Even if it's something you don't like right now, don't ever throw what you create away! Hold onto it. It could be the inspirational zest that you've been looking for. Humanity is meant to create.
Well, it went something like that...
Don't you be worrying about me, now - I'll go take care of my laundry. I'll also throw out the cursed tray table - I mean, why do I even still have this thing?
This week, I've given you a sneak peek at one of the first characters I'll be introducing in my Story - Ella. I'm working hard at it, folks - I would like to have a chapter drafted before our wedding in July.
Anyways, that's all I got for today - I saved this draft, this time. >.>
Have a good week, Everyone