MILK && HONEY

“Yes, because you won’t be distracted in the tv room at all,” he teased with a chuckle. Having Ryan here did bring back the fresh memories of the two of them together, Ryan’s beautiful rosy lips on his skin, the professor’s fingers tangled in long hair, the euphonious moans that fell from his lips. He cleared his throat. “Yes?” he said with a serious expression before Ryan asked his question. “I’m not picky enough to mind pineapple on pizza, so yeah, I don’t really mind. You’re not one of those people who can’t stand it right? Cause it can be picked right out. Hardly a thing to make a fuzz about,” he brought the ottoman closer to where Ryan was sitting, taking his legs and putting them up on the piece of furniture so he could rest his feet. Kneeling besides him, he pulled the younger male’s shoes off before sitting next to him, pulling the blanket off the side of the couch and throwing them over their bodies. He turned the tv on, starting the show where he’d left it off last night, but with Ryan here, Xavier realized he couldn’t give less of a fuck about Ted Bundy. He handed his phone off to Ryan so he could order food from the app. “Get whatever you want.” He moved a little closer to Ryan, almost cuddling to his sides. It’s not like the guy came over to be watching tv from opposite sides of the couch, right? “You smell nice.”

“Yeah, you do that. Or don’t,” he says with a smirk. Ryan doesn’t know that this is uncharted territory for Xavier, that the professor doesn’t do this; he has a rule, no sex until the third date, meaning he doesn’t do casual hookups, but as it turns out, he also never fucking dates, because he’s his own personal cockblock. Ryan was an exception in a lot more ways than one. “No fucking way you could be older than me,” he laughed softly. "Maybe you could be older than you look—but not that old,” he added with a chuckle. Twenty four. That’s fucking young. He kind of preferred not knowing a little better, even though the age gap wasn’t terrible. “If you’re ancient, then what do you think I am?” he teased. “I’m thirty four. Ish,” he said with a playful shrug. “No, I didn’t say that. I’m the one who asked if you had plans tonight,” he assured him. Don’t make me have to say I want you. “Come on,” he said and started walking towards the staff parking lot, deserted at this time because most people leave campus right when the clock strikes five. He opens the car door for Ryan and drives off.

They walk into the house and Xavier shuts the alarm system off and gets the lights. After closing the door behind them, he steps closer to Ryan, leaning forward teasingly, but all he does is take Ryan’s bag from him and sets it on the couch. “TV room or bedroom?”

“Hey, I’m used to be alone ‘til midnight. Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate having you around,” he said with a smile. “But Jimmy’s very independent,” he added in half joking. “Yes, now you’re absolutely too powerful,” the professor chuckled. He had to admit he liked hearing Ryan be confident like that, given that at some point he’d been insecure enough to think he needed to use his body to get a good grade. He caught the student’s wide-eyed gaze a few times, making Xavier’s lips curl upwards into a small smile every time. Ryan’s spanking comment comes seemingly out of the blue, enough to catch him off guard; the professor finds it uncharacteristic of him, to make a crass comment out in the open, but he supposed that was before: now that they’d slept together, the younger of the pair felt the freedom to say things like that—no need to be coy about their feelings for each other anymore, he figured. He blushes slightly, biting the inside of his cheek as he looks down for a moment. “Well, I just might, Mr. O’Callaghan. So don’t try me,” he teases. Who knew that the guy who once laid in bed talking about romance and intimacy, who blushed in the presence of Xavier, had a kinky side? “Don’t laugh at me!” he chuckled. “It’s a valid question, you’re young,” he shrugged playfully. At least he’d narrowed Ryan’s age down to ‘over twenty-one, possibly under twenty-five’. He wondered how old Ryan thought he was, if perhaps he thought he was older than his actual age. “You don’t have to skip class. You can meet me later,” he reassured him. He didn’t want him to feel pressured, he wanted him to know that he could go to class and still hang out later if that’s what he wanted. 

“I don’t know, he kinda likes having the place to himself,” the professor joked. He did love his cat, though, whenever he was reading or writing up on his laptop in bed, he had Jimmy laying on his lap or just besides him, digging the attention, and Xavier liked the feline’s company. “Oh my god. You’ve become self aware,” he teased. “You’ve realized you’re smart now, huh?” he said with a smile. Xavier had always thought Ryan was bright, and although it was uncharacteristic of him, he constantly made it known to the young student, who Xavier figured was too talented and smart to not have the confidence to acknowledge it. “Not as much as I’d miss you if you skipped my class, so I’d better not ever find you doing that,” he half joked. He knew some classes were so uneventful they barely required a student’s presence, though, so if Ryan’s judgment decided that he could skip, then he would offer no resistance. “Well, I was just gonna go home and watch that Ted Bundy documentary,” he cleared his throat. Could you at least pretend to be mildly interesting for the hot young guy in front of you? “But we could go out wherever, whatever you wanna do. If you wanna grab dinner, go someplace, have a drink,” he suggested, before taking a step back and tilting his head to side in contemplation. “Are you old enough to drink?” He wondered aloud with a soft chuckle. He didn’t know exactly how old Ryan was. It hadn’t come up in conversation.

Xavier smiled when Ryan did so—he had the cutest, most contagious smile, he couldn’t really help himself. He chuckled softly at Ryan’s reply and nodded. “Good, we don’t need the hassle,” he shrugged. “I know. Unheard of, right?” He always stays at least an hour or two past the end of his office hours, and, as Ryan knew, sometimes he stayed way past midnight when he got caught up in work. “I’m not ill. Just leaving on time for the first time ever,” he replied. “Mr. O’Callaghan, saying class isn’t important? Are you ill?” he teased. “I’ll let you get to class, wouldn’t want you to be late. Unless you want to do something?”

Ryan never thought in a million years he would have lost his virginity to a man a bit older than him, let alone his own fucking professor in college. Ryan had been nervous that night, he didn’t think that the pair of them would actually hook up given that well, after Ryan made a fool of himself the first time Xavier made it clear that he didn’t sleep with students. And Ryan thought he had meant that; but the weekend held a different plan of action for them. Ryan didn’t regret it though; there was never a second in his day that he regretted their decision to fuck, but Ryan was sure that Xavier hadn’t known that he had been his first time. He wasn’t sure how the hell that was going to come into conversation — if the pair even spoke outside of class again. Would Xavier hate him? Would he act like things never even happened?

Ryan wasn’t sure what was to come, but he knew that he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Xavier in ways he hadn’t really before. When he spoke he couldn’t help but to feel the man’s lips on his neck with his breath making chills on Ryan’s skin, or the way he licked them he couldn’t help but to remember exactly what the man’s tongue could do. And when he spoke… god, Ryan could just hear the man moaning out his name whilst they rolled around in the man’s oversized bed. And his hands, Ryan couldn’t stop picturing them threading through his long hair and tugging roughly as Xavier had done over the weekend. He tried his hardest not to stare at the man because it was truly hard to focus on anything other than him, but, Ryan caught the few eye glances they shared, and Ryan felt himself blush here and there when the man seemed to look in his direction as he was lecturing the class, but Ryan felt like he was just talking and looking at him and him alone.

Class let out and Ryan quickly made an exit, he had to go before he found himself doing something stupid — like talking to Xavier. So rather than being foolish, Ryan made his way to his dorm and sat and thought and thought some more until he was eventually just thinking of the professor he was trying to avoid thinking about. It was around five in the evening and Ryan was going to one of his final classes when he bumped into Xavier and let out a small ‘oomph’ sound as their bodies collided. “It was my fault, I had my eyes glued to my phone.” Ryan said, though it was far from the truth considering Ryan hadn’t even had the phone in hand. “No damage, right? Should I call my insurance company?” Ryan said trying to at least make light, playful conversation.

Xavier had known the whole time that sleeping with one of his students was a terrible idea. He’d known it beforehand, the first time they were in his office late at night and Ryan looked fine as hell and the thought entered his mind; he’d known it on that night it happened, even though he still made the first move; he’d known it the morning after when he brought him breakfast in bed, laying lazily in bed with him for a while thinking about how on Earth he was going to be able to look at him with a straight face during lecture come monday, knowing he’d had him naked on his bed over the weekend. Still, though, Xavier went and did the damn dumb thing, because he actually really liked Ryan, and really liking someone was a rare occurrence for the professor. Another factor was, of course, that thinking with his downstairs brain never led to the brightest decisions.

All in all, and for the first time in a long time, he had no clue about how to go about things. He didn’t want to treat Ryan like just another student, but he couldn’t give him preferencial treatment, either. The lines had already been blurred, and Xavier didn’t know how to act around the student. Class came and went, he tried to avoid his gaze as best as he could, offering a small smile whenever their eyes did meet, and completely overthinking the whole thing—smile, but not like you’re flirting, and also not like it’s too casual, but also not like you fucked him. He felt relieved when he dismissed class a little earlier than usual and made his way to his office. He would figure it all out eventually, but clearly that day wouldn’t be today.

After office hours ended, he picked up his things, put on a jacket, and made his way towards the parking lot. As he turns the hallway, he crashes into someone, and of course, it’s the last person he’s expecting to bump into. “Oh. Sorry. Wasn’t looking where I was going.” And did you get prettier since I last fucked saw you?

Ryan wasn’t sure what was to come, but he knew that he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Xavier in ways he hadn’t really before. When he spoke he couldn’t help but to feel the man’s lips on his neck with his breath making chills on Ryan’s skin, or the way he licked them he couldn’t help but to remember exactly what the man’s tongue could do. And when he spoke... god, Ryan could just hear the man moaning out his name whilst they rolled around in the man’s oversized bed. And his hands, Ryan couldn’t stop picturing them threading through his long hair and tugging roughly as Xavier had done over the weekend. He tried his hardest not to stare at the man because it was truly hard to focus on anything other than him, but, Ryan caught the few eye glances they shared, and Ryan felt himself blush here and there when the man seemed to look in his direction as he was lecturing the class, but Ryan felt like he was just talking and looking at him and him alone.

Ryan was so glad to be back at the apartment himself — since they’d started rekindling their relationship ryan was learning not to be so jealous and nosy, he was learning to be trustworthy and so far it’s been working and he’d been more calm. Of course upping his dosages on his medication helped a lot too. Ryan missed this, coming over to Xavier’s like it was his own place and just taking over until the man came home like it was just supposed to be that way. Then again, that’s probably why Xavier was looking at a damn house for the pair before too. But the past was the past and that’s where it needed to stay. Ryan was wearing a pair of red and black flannel pajama bottoms, he even left his shirt off because why bother? It was just him and Xavier anyway. Ryan has his hair pinned up in a messy bun on top of his head as he flipped through Netflix. He found ‘Friends’ and obviously he had to pick that. He was comfy on their bed and stretched out with an arm resting behind his head as he waited on Xavier to come back with their food. Chinese of course, Ryan loved it too much to pass up picking it when Xavier gave him the choice for dinner. When he came back ryan smiled against Xavier’s lips as he pressed a kiss to his own. Ryan took the bags in hand and said, “Thank you, baby.” He said as he pulled out a box of lo mein noodles. His favorite. “Friends, you ever watched it?” Ryan asked as he reached in the bag to pull out a little packet of soy sauce and put just a bit in the noodles before taking a big bite.

“I asked you to come home, you know I’d already let you in,” he replied. Xavier was weak enough for Ryan as it was—he lived and breathed for the man—but, seeing him like this melted his heart even more. “I know,” was all that Xavier said when Ryan told him he was sorry, and he pulled him into a tight hug, which left him soaking wet now, too. “Stop, you know I’ll never give up on us,” he whispered softly. “We’re just in a shit place right now, and I- I won’t give up but I don’t know what I can do,” he admitted. He led Ryan towards the bedroom, not really saying anything, and he grabbed a cozy sweatshirt and pants to help change him into; the younger of the pair was shaking so bad he could barely move, so Xavier helped him out of his wet clothes, into a new change of warm ones. He picked up a blanket from the bed and they went back into the living room so they could sit and talk. Once on the couch, he wrapped the blanket around the both of them. “I don’t really know what the fuck to say. That’s a first when it comes to you.”

It had been far too long since the shitshow last time he saw Ryan had been. There was relief now that the younger of the pair had reached out, because, honestly, Xavier missed him like crazy. It just wasn’t his turn to be the first to reach out, apologize, atone. It had to be Ryan this time. But then, suddenly, there was a halt to their conversation, and he was left on read. What the fuck. After he gave him a chance? Fuck that. He pours himself a drink—he’d been drinking a lot more than usual lately—and downed it quickly. He was about to get a refill when there was a knock on the door. The mechanic wasn’t in the mood, so he decides not to open, until there’s insistence from the other end and they knock again. He’s surprised to see Ryan at the door, but the shock only lasts a second, just until he realizes the other is fucking drenched from head to toe. “Are you insane? You’re gonna catch something, it’s fucking freezing,” he says, pulling the other one into the apartment, water pooling on the floor where Ryan stands. Xavier grabs a towel from the linen closet—or as they call it, the random junk closet—and wraps it around Ryan. And that’s how he realizes that he’s not really mad at him. Sure, it hurts. But he’s home now, and that’s all that matters. “You came home.” He says quietly, not easily letting his feelings show through.