I'm Just A Broadway Baby

Sebastian shrugged, the answer on the tip of his tongue, though he would never admit it out loud, “You know how I am. You and pretty much the entire city, actually. I doubt you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who would tell you they couldn’t see me in a long term, committed relationship.” Waving it off, he continued, huffing a humorless laugh, “That’s not the first time someone’s implied I only did it because I wanted Kurt to end up miserable and alone. Maybe you’re all right… Jealousy on the other hand? That’s just not possible. I’m a lot of things, but into Kaiden isn’t one of them.”

He still couldn’t believe she was standing there offering to help. It was as if he’d been sent into an alternate dimension or something. However, she was right. Even while he was trying to truly wallow, to really get the full experience, this mess he’d turned his home into was starting to get to him. Couldn’t he wallow in cleanliness? That would truly put him at ease and wasn’t he suppose to be trying to comfort himself at a time like this? Giving in, Sebastian sighed, nodding, “You’re right.” The words tasted almost bitter in his mouth. Sebastian frowned but forged onward, every syllable grinding on the way out, “I really do appreciate you sticking around, but if it’s all the same to you… I’d rather ignore the state of things for the moment. And if you could not tell Kurt you found me like this, I would be much obliged.”

“I know you, yes. I’ve seen the gossip blogs and the comments, heard the whispers but I know for a fact that people can surprise themselves. They can change.” A small smile played on her lips and she shook her head, “I don’t think I mentioned you being interested in Kaiden, although I can see why anyone would be, I was implying that if you can’t be with Kurt, you don’t want anyone else to be. Maybe it’s him you can still imagine yourself with. Maybe seeing him with Kaiden made you realise what a complete ass you’ve been and how much you want to be with Kurt.” Rachel wasn’t going to pussyfoot around what she wanted to say, she was sure Sebastian would prefer the direct route.

You split up?

“Did you hear that, Mrs. Strakosh? Ziegfeld is waiting for me. For me.”

Sebastian stood there, a little stunned for a moment. He studied her, trying to figure out her angle, and when he couldn’t find one he sighed, “I… I’m sure you’re going to hear about this anyway so I might as well just… I may have made a really stupid play for Kurt?” Sebastian posed it as a question, almost as if he were trying to kid himself that it never happened. Rubbing the back of his neck, he continued, “I don’t know what I was thinking. He’s with Kaiden now. And obviously I’m not built for relationships, nor do I want one so..” Sebastian shrugged, trying to justify what he’d done, both to himself and to Rachel, but the words fell flat even to his own ears.

“Are you… Offering to help me clean up or something?” Sebastian asked, watching in shock as Rachel tied her hair back and proclaimed something he would have bet his life would never come out of her mouth, “Thanks, but I’m doing okay. And it’s really not that bad in here, honestly. You should have seen it after the last party I hosted.” He chuckled, almost light-heartedly and gestured vaguely around the room, “I’m still finding things where I shouldn’t and that was like, weeks ago.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow at his comment but that was all. The news was a shock to her but it wasn’t her place to tell him off or call him any names, instead she studied him as he continued to talk, or was it ramble, she couldn’t quite decide. “Why do you say you’re not built for a relationship?” Some people might think they weren’t, but she wondered why Sebastian thought that about himself. “Maybe you were thinking that you were jealous, or that you didn’t want Kurt to be with anyone else?” It might be a strange way to look at things, but it was quite possible.

Feeling even more embarrassed than if Rachel had caught him in the act, Sebastian looked out one of the windows. He didn’t blush. He wasn’t feeling that out of character. But the idea that Rachel had noticed there was something off made Sebastian feel uneasy, even if he knew deep down that was what he’d subconsciously been after, “Um.” He started, clearing his throat before forcing himself to look at her, so as not to come across as too out of character, “I’m fine. Honestly. Just being a bit dramatic… You know how I am. I’ll be back to insults and injuries in no time.”

He flashed his teeth at her in something of a grin and gestured for her to sit down on one of the stools, “We could sit on the couch though, if you’d rather. I know these things do nothing for the back. I keep accidentally finding myself doing work here though so I should really buy something more supportive. But it’s all about the aesthetic, isn’t it?” Sebastian now found himself talking just so Rachel wouldn’t, turning the conversation in the opposite direction, “I’m thinking about refurnishing the entire place, actually.. But anyway. How are you or whatever? Long time, no see.”

A small smile played on her lips as he commented on the way he was being, “I can deal with dramatic,” she said softly, “I’ve been known to be that way myself sometimes, and you know who one of my best friends is.” Ducking her head a little she looked him in the eyes, “I know I’m probably not the person you’d open up to about things, but an outsiders opinion might help on things.”

If Sebastian had been surprised he’d asked her in, he was even more surprised she had agreed. He opened the door wider for her and turned around, starting towards the kitchen and leaving Rachel to close it herself. Feeling mildly embarrassed, Sebastian hid in the fridge under the ruse he was looking for food. Which, he supposed he was. Though his kitchen was pretty empty at this point. Unless you count leftover take away. Opening the milk, Sebastian smelt it and winced. The cap went back on immediately and the jug went back in the fridge.

The cabinets turned up much of the same. He never really kept much stocked in the first place and now it was just sort of sad. Sebastian ran a hand over the back of his neck and bit his lip in irritation. Turning around, Sebastian gave Rachel what he hoped was an apologetic look. He still had no idea why he wanted her here so badly. Talking as he cleared the second barstool of disorganized files, he sat in the first one when he was finished, “How do you feel about curry? We might have to order something… It’s been awhile since I’ve made it to the grocery. I’ve had a lot on my plate recently, so I’ve just been ordering in.”

Stepping into the apartment, Rachel closed the door behind her and walked further inside, her eyes taking in as much as they could without her appearing to be nosy. There was something playing on her mind  as she stepped further inside his domain. She noticed the pizza sitting on the table, but didn’t comment on it, following him towards the kitchen because she wasn’t sure what else she should do.  Standing a little uncomfortably, Rachel held onto the strap of her gym bag, her hands twisting it as she waited and watched him move from the fridge to the cupboards. Old Mother Hubbard sprang to mind.