rayray

i reread my fanfic(if u could call it that) and i don’t like it at all tbh

i could rewrite it but no clue on that

it was late. i felt a pulsating pain in my chest, as if i was shot but there was no blood..until i realized nateyam was the was who was hurt. we got him out of the water as fast as i could, i could feel the pain he was in. ofcourse i can..I am his twin, it’s a bond that eywa herself gave us. still it hurt like nothing in this world, we saw mother and father reach to us, i felt like fainting. father was trying to help nateyam stop bleeding but it was difficult, the wound was severe, all i could do was breath uncontrollably and pant while i hear a ringing on my ears, nateyam was trying to say something, all i could hear him say “i want to go home..dad i-” then. it stopped

I didn’t realized i fainted. and nateyam as well i think, i don’t know. while i was asleep i had this dream. it was a long one to be honest, i was there, nateyam was there, our family, the forest we used to live in..all of it, it felt like re-living our life. it was the happiest i have felt in months now, i was at home. i felt at home. i loved talking to him, i before i felt like i was going to loose him but now i didn’t feel like that

i was in the forest racing with him,until we got to our stop. somewhere where we could escape our duties. we were sitting in a tree house we made together, watching the sky and enjoying the moment until i heard him speak “Y/N..it’s time to wake up..” “what do you mean by that..?” i asked looking at him “this is all a dream. you have to wake up eventually..it was nice to spend time with you one last time..” he said, with a nostalgic smile..making me worry “‘teyam..what are you saying..? you are scaring me..” “this is all a dream N/N...when you wake up i won’t be with you anymore” “what..” “wake up now. don’t make them wait any longer..goodbye” was the last thing i heard from him.

when i woke up i had tuk holding my hand asleep, it was past eclipse..mother and father weren’t sleeping, they were outside, talking..no. more like whispering..kiri was asleep next to lo’ak. i decided to go back to sleep, or try to.

the next day i opened my eyes, tuk got all happy and started calling our family “they’re awake!! Y/N is awake!!” she said. mother and father rushing inside the marui, mother told tuk to look for kiri and lo’ak and she did. mother was crying, more like sobbing and father had a relieved face when he saw me sit up “what happened..? mother. where is nateyam…?” her face changed into a melancholic one. father’s face did the same “he..he died a week ago” was the only thing father said, i sat there in pure shock

when tuk came back with kiri and lo’ak they came to me, hugging me tight as if i was going to slip away from reality. i was devastated from the news i just received.

when eclipse came by and everyone was asleep i got up from my mat and carefully got out of our marui, and i headed towards the beach, all i could do was talk alone, as if i had my twin brother by my side, asking him things hoping for an answer knowing that wouldn’t get one

i heard footsteps behind me when i saw who it was, it was none other than ao’nung.

he asked me why i was alone this late at night, crying “i cannot sleep” was all i could respond “i guess you just found out..” he said “i don’t know how to feel if i must be honest..” "you can talk to me if you need” “i don’t want to bother you..” “it’s okay, i don’t mind, you just…you seem like you need someone to talk to” “you are right about that one..i just- i feel lost without nateyam…he is- was my twin brother, we were born together, we grew up together..we bonded to eywa together..everywhere i went it felt at home, because he was there with me..” all he did was hum in response “i will continue to keep growing while he will remain sixteen forever. now all of our responsibilities lay on me. i’m the oldest child of the former toruk makto..i cannot show any signs of weakness..you know?” “i do. i know how you feel..mostly”

“i know this might sound crazy but..i used to feel what he felt, even the slightest feeling of happiness or anger he felt, i could feel it too and vice versa..i guess it was a gift eywa herself gave us..now i don’t even know how he feels, if he feels scared, or lost or confused…i know i do..” all ao’nung could do was hug me, maybe he thought he was helping me in some kind, and it did..

some weeks have past and no one speaks of him, i can still smell him inside the marui, now i take a hold if his dagger. everytime i hold it, it makes me feel like he’s with me, guiding me in some way. father and i haven’t talked. i do not want to talk to him, i bet he hates me, for not being there on time. to save him. maybe he thinks i am the one who should be dead, not nateyam. he took pride in him after all…

one night while mother, kiri, lo’ak and tuk were in the communal dinner i was alone with father. he tried making a conversation with me “so..how have you been feeling..about you know..” “i’ve been okay. you don’t have to do this you know?? i already know how you feel about me..” “what do you mean by that?? all i’ve done was give you space and let you mourn on your own way!!” “i know whished it was me instead of him!! do you think i never noticed how you would look at him back at home!?!?” tears threatening to fall from my eyes as the argument raised up. he never said anything. not a single thing to deny it. it made me angrier “do you not realised how it made me feel?? when we would go on missions, his nickname for him was path finder! meaning that when we would get lost of not find a way out he would help us back home, he would look for a way to get us home safe!! and for you!? i was peace maker!!! i felt that i was responsible to make peace when you would mess up!!” “that was not my intention!! he was a natural when it came to find paths to get home!” “you were all bout him." "This is hard for me too-" "you never showed that you cared about us!! lo’ak feels guilty. he thinks it’s his fault that he’s dead. tuk doesn’t even know how to react and kiri?? nowhere to be seen!! you made it very clear that he was your pride!!”

mother, lo’ak, kiri and tuk came home to yelling and crying, mother was quick to enter, trying to dissolve the argument. it was late to do that now. i said what i had to say and he did too. all i could do was leave the marui pod. i supposed mother hold him back since he never went after me, but my siblings did.

tuk went running to take my hand and kiri was after her, lo’ak catched up to us. they asked me if i was okay, how i felt and things like that

“i am so sorry for saying those things..i shouldn’t have..they were private” “it’s okay..someone had to tell him anyway..” said lo'ak.