amy

a friend recently made an off the cuff joke about secondhand smoking. how she has to use her second hand because her first is occupied with pleasuring herself. im so mad. im so so mad its really good its so so good. im in deep awe and i wish i had thought of that. i wish i could do that

i think folks are always being a little too flagrant with 'wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy' come on im sure that guy deserves it. youre being naive

uhh my two cents are fucking each other

wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon

Your brother is the best

Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Danny devito

the real question is why I was completely ready to accept that this person had a debilitating childhood fear of Danny Devito

World Heritage Post

i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes

I got lemon titties

Now calling my boobs Lemons.

10/10

official boob post