Pointe Shooooooooes!

For the record I did post it here too.

Another snake experience I had, at one point I was going to a school which was quite submerged in the bush. There were often bush turkeys walking around the grounds and it was pretty funny.  Anyway, my class was walking back from music and there's a goddamn giant, black snake on the stairs. We just. Went the other way. The gardener took care of it.

There was also another one where we had to get off a train and hike to some damn obscure location, but half the trek was up a craggy, cliff-like hill covered in mud and it was raining like hell. One girl on the way got hit on the head by a falling branch, because this damn storm was fucking up all the trees. This other dude fell half-way up the slope pushing half the class back down, and ended up injuring his back and had to get airlifted out. I also had a bunch of epileptic fits. Another chick got so panicked that she just threw up uncontrollably. I don't know how my school didn't get sued. 

Do you guys have compulsory camping trips for school? Not a year of school has gone by since year five where I haven't been drafted into a whole-year compulsory camping trip. Two years ago, we went up to the Blue Mountians, right? And our teachers made us do risk assessments, learn some emergency medical techniques, some survival tips just in case, and told us we had to pack our bags as lightly as possible because we were hiking up and into the mountains. So we went from Sydney to the bloody Blue Mountains in a train, and we got off and literally just walked into the woods. We looked at our teachers and they looked at us and they split us into groups and said "you lead". So they gave each team a leader, a compass and a map (there was one camping expert for each team because just in case we took the wrong path) and just sent us on our way. We camped out for a week in the middle of the bloody Blue Mountains. We ran out of water and had to start purifying the water from a nearby river.

I remember when I was in year three, the teacher was getting us to draw our interpretations of common phrases, and she asked us to draw "A fish out of water", and for some reason I drew a  fish at a bar requesting another beer.

This one time when I was seven I was playing netball, once again I lived in some pretty ruralish area, and I was just sitting against a rock and I looked down and I saw a redback spider and I just stepped away, like: "That could have killed me. I'll get on court now."

This one time, a snake just fell off my door. Do you know how some people put like, buckets full of water wedged in doors to fall on people? Well I live right on the edge of a valley and a snake decided to be a bucket.

To be fair, it was my fault for believing them in the first place.

I used to be really really creative and I believed in fairies and flying and all that jazz, and this one day, some girls at school gave me an umbrella and a chair to stand on, which was on a slope going down a really big hill. So they gave me the umbrella, and said that I was the only one small enough to fly with it if I jumped off the chair and down the hill with it. So I did that. I'd like to think I flew for a few glorious seconds, but if I recall correctly I rolled all the way down this dirty, somewhat rocky, covered-in-sticks hill in my clean school uniform. And I was like: "That was fun!"