Every story an adventure

I absolutely hate it when as soon as one line of plot development is dropped into the fic, the author veers off into endless paragraphs of philosophical masturbation and useless flashback!!! Stay on point - what happened with this plot development? How did you resolve it? Do we get at least some dialogue??? Or will it, once again, be resolved offscreen and never mentioned?

Come across a collection titled something like 'Best fic of Pairing A x B'. A promising start but i am instantly wary of the fact that it contains only four recs and none of them are my Nr. 1 favorite fic in this pairing or my Nr. 2 favorite fic. (Just to be clear, Nr. 2 is overly long and stuck in WIP hell, so I wouldn't actually expect it but Nr. 1 is well known among shippers and has been around for a while and that IS strange.) But nevermind, lets dig in.

First fic is disappointingly short and disappointingly AU. With a particular divergence that is so blatantly OOC for supporting characters that I barely finished it. Second fic - sufficient length, but on the short side for that fandom, also very much AU. Also, it grates against my nerves to have the fan faves be all buddy buddy and everyone pairing off. Sooo not the fandom for this. In fact, it is one of those fandoms that revels in being all grimdark and killing everyone even remotely likable or making them suffer so much that death would be a mercy (also, if I had a quarter for every fandom that follows this trope I might not be considered rich, but I would definitely be able to splurge on good takeout, and I am not even that adventurous when it comes to new shows). Not that I am into torture porn, but I know what I am in for, when I read fic in this fandom and I certainly don't expect Carebears and My little ponies levels of characterisation. Still, it is at least readable.

Third fic - good length. Not bad when it comes to writing. The AUness is nicely integrated and characterisation stays mostly within its lane. But why the hell do i have to suffer through an interminable slog of sex scenes in the middle of the fic that is going on and on for several chapters? How the hell have I forgotten this pairings' shippers tendency to confuse plot with porn? Still, the author finally gets over their horniness and finishes on a high note. (Also, those porn chapters are so wildly out of character compared to the rest of the fic, as if they had been written by a completely different person. Only proving my point that if you can't write a good sex scene or make it fit organically into the rest of the story, you are better advised to only hint at sex than trying to make it happen come hell or high water).

Fourth fic... Holy hell, nearly 90 k words, and nearly three quarters of them are just horny padding when nothing happens. As soon as the plot dares to show its face, it is mercilessly beaten down and chased out of town. Every now and again I see a glimpse of the deviousness and intelligence that in the hands of a good writer character B excels at employing, but in hands of this author becomes utterly allergic to. How in all seriousness can you consider this "The best of"??? A and B are in the middle of enemy territory and they behave so recklessly that I can't even excuse it with a momentary slip in judgement. By all rights they should be so hypervigilant that they should jump at shadows, but instead all they do is fuck around like suicidal exhibitionists.

I am at page six and I haven’t even started on the dream itself, this is just the underlying worldbuilding mechanics, and it already sounds like it has the makings of an original book, instead of a fanfic story.

I am going to be honest, my knowledge about the lore of ASOIAF is not super deep or very detailed, i couldn't stand Martins writing, so most of what I know comes from watching the series (haphazardly and out of order), what I managed to digest from the first book, lots of fanfic and wiki wandering. But I know that at the point in time GoT starts, people in Westeros are talking about the dragons being gone, generally meaning that dragons the animals are extinct and dragons the people being on the brink of extinction. What baffles me is - why? Because it is not exactly true?

Like, even after Dany manages to hatch her three eggs, it is still implied in all kinds of convos and atmospheric details that people in-universe still think that both are nearly extinct? But one of the few worldbuilding details i know for certain is that dragons don't die when their bonded dragonrider dies. What I am less certain of, but, like, 70 percent sure is that dragons can choose to bond a second time, to another rider. (I think that scene in HotD where a Baratheon is supposed to call up a dragon but is instead mauled horribly, was meant to facilitate a second bond? The scene was a bit confusing, considering I haven't really watched the rest of HotD and wasn't actively seeking out to know what happens in that book). And dragons have significantly longer life-spans than the Targaryens, even if take the constant tendency to throw down to fight with everyone and their mother and the background backstabbing-and-poisoning of the rest of the ambitious, opportunistic non-Targaryen cunts out of the equation.

The same with dragons the people. That, of course, is a bit trickier, as it depends on the interpretation of who is considered of dragonblood, but I think it is safe to say 'anyone with a sufficient amount magical blood that enables someone to become a dragonrider/ bond with a dragon'. Though, by that definition, not even all Targaryens of the main inheritance line would be considered dragons, because there were plenty who never bonded with one or even were actively rejected by a dragon and bear the marks. But if you go outside of the main inheritance line, there are plenty of Blackfyres and what not other bastard Targaryen branches running around in Essos, and probably even in Westeros itself, despite Robert's best efforts to exterminate them. I mean, the Daynes had the Targaryen looks, if I remember correctly, and they can't have been the only house from Dorne to have them. Wasn't one of Briennes ancestors, Duncan something, a Targ, too? Also, the Velaryons are right there, and they are a house from Old Valyria, too, with the magical dragonriding blood in their own right. And also, Roberts whole claim to kinghood after the Rebellion is based on his Targaryen grandmother, hypocrite that he is, so Stannis, Renly and Shireen also have a degree of of magical blood. Sure, you could argue that it is diluted, but how diluted can it really be, with all the cousin marriages between Westerose noble houses? Just because Targs died faster than they reproduced and had to start marrying earlier and earlier and been reduced to sibling marriages, doesn't mean that the rest of the noble houses isn't pretty inbred as well. If you plan it right, in one or two generations you could produce a Targaryen with a sufficient level of dragon blood to be able to bond a dragon. Hell, Jon is only half-Targ, and he managed it, no incest needed. (The less said about how inbred house Stark itself is, the better). They won't have the signature Targ looks, probably, but its not like a dragon cares what their rider looks like.

So, where do the dragons go after the death of their bonded rider? At best, I have managed to find references to them flying off, like with Vermithor and Silverwing, and they certainly don't stay with the rest of the bonded dragons - they are not exactly herd animals. If some are staying, they are a tiny minority. Not that there were all that many bonded dragons simultaneously at any period of time, from what I understand, but the rate at which the Targaryens are dying is ridiculous, so at the very least there should be several formerly 'domesticated' dragons roaming the wild. And Dany's eggs are definitely not the last ones in existence. We just don't know where the nesting grounds are for the wild dragons. But there is never a mention of any sightings of them, when by all rights, an animal that grew up familiar with humans and associates them with easy access to plentyful, high quality food, should be preying in human-populated areas. And we hear no mentions of some unlucky wanderer or intrepid explorer stumbling upon a stray dragon egg in the wild. Martin throws all kinds of references and offhand remarks about shit that has absolutely no bearing on the plot into the pot, but no mention of wild dragons. (I mean, did all that lore about the kraken god of the Iron islands actually have a purpose, other than to imagine a distinct culture with a different feel to, say, the North? Or the Dothraki myth of the Stallion that mounts the world? As far as I can see, it doesn't have any other narrative purpose than to make them look sufficiently other, sufficiently exotic. At least the stuff with Azor Ahai was tying into the The Last hero myth and the legends of the Night King and White walkers, but we have no idea whether the stallion was just a pretty story or had actual instructions on how to defeat the White Walkers in it). So, either people are so convinced that the dragons are dead that all mentions of sightings are dismissed out of hand or there is some magical reason for it, like a geas or something, or it is actually common enough that it is only the bonded dragons that get people in a tizzy. I have no idea. (I mean, the latter would make some sense, because only a human steering a dragon would be capable of causing a targeted destruction, but on the other hand, makes no sense because it sounds so improbable that there never was at least one Valyrian bastard in Essos who accidently bonded to a wild dragon.)

I understand why someone would want to do that. If you don't like a character, then you don't like them, and your feelings are valid. I will even say, leaving that character out is valid - you do you. It just makes for lazy, unsound writing, and why would i as a reader care for your writing if you don't respect the story enough to think about a solution to minimize that characters import than just the lazy 'lets pretend they never existed' copout?

Whether you are writing a fork in the road fic, or time travel, or body swap/other character insert scenario - the different decisions the characters make, the different actions they do - they all have consequences. Sometimes those leader to different outcomes, and sometimes the original plotline reasserts itself, but the intrinsic goals and motivations that they have - that you know from reading or watching canon material - they aren't so easily subverted, just because a butterfly decided to flap its wings a half hour later and hundred miles further away. So this person X might choose to use a knife instead of a poison, or make a second attempt.

The point is that by leaving them out completey you produce a hole in the Story that their personality, ambitions and unseen actions they did before to arrive at their position and influence level, to be able to do whatever they did in canon, and putting other people their life touched into their positions- all that filled that hole. At least a copout like 'a sudden tempest landed a little house on this person and sqished them to death' deals with that, however badly. Ignoring doesn't. There are other ways.

Хотя, конечно, с перекладом стандартов жизни на Средневековье, в некотором смысле он это и есть. Небритый бездомный рыцарь, которого 'уволили' с 'должности' наследника и продолжателя рода, неопределённого возраста, но явно даже и не второй свежести, в заношенных латах. Ну а выпивали они там все, как будто это олимпийский спорт, за исключением может быть Станниса.

Did you know that there was a Hutt Jedi? I didn't. It was a fucking wild ride to read the the wiki entry for him. And sure, he didn't stay a Jedi, he Fell and became what Hutts are best known for in Star Wars - a power-hungry slaver who dominated a planet for several hundred years.

This is a trope that you will see in popular sci-fi often - an alien race is introduced, and the character they are introduced with takes a prominent antagonistic role, and suddenly, every single one of character of said race turns out to be rotten to the core. They are the Wraith and the Goa'uld who are incapable of rising above their most basic biological imperatives and reflect on their actions. They are the Shadows of Babylon 5 who are always twisting fate into abominable directions, desecrating and subverting even the smallest inkling of noble intention. (At least we find out that they are supposed to be the counterpart to the vorlons, but then again, vorlons aren't exactly the good guys either - they are just two halves of the same shitty side of the coin). They are the Hutts of Star Wars who seemingly never hold any other profession than that of a slaver and a crime-lord, which makes one wonder about the comparative population sizes of crime syndicates to hutts and whether there really can be that many of the former, even if you have a whole galaxy to seed them in, considering that realistically speaking a population of a species has to be at lest in four digits to be able to survive and thrive and that a lot of said galaxy far, far away is also taken up by the Galactic Republic, which at least nominally doesn't allow slavery. Wouldn't they constantly be at cross purposes with each other?...

But I digress. I always hated this trope of a whole species having been created evil. Because it doesn't work that way. If everyone is evil and greedy and selfish, then they can only survive if they are extremely solitary. But why would a female take a risk of pregnancy or laying an egg or whatever it takes to create offspring, if they have to be aware that they are producing a competitor? Especially if a long pregnancy means being vulnerable? So does the offspring drop out ready-made to walk off into the sunset and live their own lives? Because I can't see a hutt-mama lovingly rearing her children for several years until they are capable of criming on their own - that would require the existence of other state of being than 'evil'. But suppose they are only being evil to non-hutts - then how come in all the millenia of existence not even one of them had thought 'wait a minute, I think my slaves care for their offspring and companions just the same way I care about my offspring and other hutts. Wouldn't that make the way I treat them morally questionable?' On the other hand, any sufficiently intelligent sapient lifeform will need a longer childhood period than two hours after crawling out of the womb, because complex ideas and social conformity cannot be taught in a vacuum, unless they are genetically codified like with goa'uld, and even those fuckers exist for a longer period of time in their vulnerable larval form. Also, the Tok'ra somehow managed to come into existence, too, so even genetic memory isn't a guarantee for social conformity.

Long post short - I hate this trope with a fiery passion and always love takes that tease at diversity in those monolithic cultures. (The trope of an individuum being born evil is the same bullshit, just on an individual basis instead of a racial one, and it is just as lazy and stupid. While there are people who are born with psychopathy and/or sociopathy, as I understand it, in children those traits are fairly mild and can easily be subverted with the right therapy, medication and a lot of compassion - when they turn into what we usually call evil, it is because they have been exacerbated by a horrible childhood and grossly abusive or neglectful caretakers).

So why did it take me so much by surprise to find out about Beldorion? It is not even the fact that hutts is not one of the races that had been conceptualizes as always being Force-Null - i don't even know if there is such a race in Star Wars. There are those that are teeming with Force-Sensitives and those that produce them only rarely and far between, and also those that are resistant to certain Force powers like mind manipulation or such, but I can't recall any that are completely, utterly, without exception force null. What tripped me up the most is how Beldorion even came to be in the care of the Jedi Order. Because if the hutts have child rearing and motherly instincts, then why would a parent give up a child that has every chance to be a very successful crimelord? Or if not - hutts certainly value force-sensitive slaves - so why not enslave your own offspring, if a wandering Jedi just did you a solid and given your little sluglet a much more lucrative price tag than you expected? And imagine the shame of being known as the slug that fathered/mothered the goody-two-shoes hutt Jedi who is constantly dissing his whole species for keeping slaves?

Buddy, fam, ol' pal - i don't know how to tell you but... your old armor was made for a child-sized Jango. Considering you are both grown-up adults now, at least based on US legal standards, not on those from the galaxy far, far away, it most certainly won't fit you. You moron.

Their sex talk includes - because why be original now, right? - of course reassuring each other how many people they are going to legally kill, in pursuit of the greater good. But for all that, in all the seven chapters there is not even one sentence, where they actually do that. The only fighting they do, is with their cocks.

I have reached the point where I stopped actually taking in the text and started speedreading, because the less time my eyeballs spend on the actual sentences, the less likely I will end up hurling for real; but it is uncomfortable for me, especially if I have to concentrate on not changing pages every couple sentences in, because my body and mind are quite literally fighting me against continuing the fic.

I promised I would give the fic a try. I don't know how i will be able to keep that promise. Thank gods there isn't a lot of it still coming, but on the other hand, I am also outraged, because that means that the plot is probably unfinished and I wasted all this time being poisoned with this garbage for absolutely no outcome.

But whenever it comes to people, it just turns my stomach. Especially if that someone is wallowing in overly detailed sexy scenes, where the characters are purpleprosing about how good their partner smells or wanting to drench them in their combined scent or, worst, pungent sex descriptions - I immediately want to barf.

Most people have an imagination trigger, like tell someone to imagine biting into a lemon and they start to involutarily producing saliva; tell someone to imagine someone scratching a nail across a glass pane and I bet you dollars to donuts, most people would flinch. Mine are apparently imagining bodily scents. I don't even care if you describe the charactres perfume/cologne - clean, healthy smell of a person in their prime or the sandalwood and roses whatever combo, which do sounds plenty innocuous, - it still triggers my nausea reflex.

The reaction of the people from the darker timeline, when their alter egos depart back where they came from? One of them is jealous of herself because she ended up marrying her highschool sweetheart and the other falls into depression because the woman who his other self married and has a child underway died in his reality when she was not even a teenager, while the third doesn't pursue a relationship with the person who was his epic starcrossed one true love under different circumstances, while said epic starcrossed love departs from the town to destination unknown.

With FBI:SCU we have introduced the character of OA Zidan, who is supposed to be an introduction to a positively coded arabic character, considering all the negative stereotypes that cropped up with the supposed war on terror. And while it is a step in the right direction, it ticks me off that OA is constantly flying off the handle whenever a case hits a snag, instead of acting like someone who grew up with the all the hate post 9/11 and still is idealistic enough to begin a career in law enforcement and keep THE FUCK CALM AND NOT ENDANGER THE CASES OF EVERYONE ELSE!!!! It is only his own case that he is interested in; he forces another agent for an introduction to the mole and then starts pressuring him to do more, and then has the audacity to snap at the agent when he - rightfully - tells him off for pushing his source. He did you a favor, he didn't have to introduce you, he didn't have to give you squat!!! If this is your idea of cooperation, then you are an absolute nightmare of an agent! You should have been busted back to writing parking tickets because no one in their right mind would want to partner with you, work with you or be your backup!

Then, when they finally get a break in the case, the agent with the mole asks them to delay the arrest for a couple of days. Once again, OA is the one who starts frothing at the mouth and raging, as if he had been asked to let the suspect go or to kill someone. 'We already have three dead bodies' he screams, emoting worse than the worst caricature of a female cop with PMS. (Interestingly, his female partner is always underemoting and has to rein him in. I am sure it got old five minutes after their partnership started, having to constantly mommy this big douchecanoe baby with anger issues). Well, OA, those dead bodies won't miraculously spring back to live if you wait with your arrest. And the father, who lost his wife and his daughter in one swoop, won't care when you arrest him, as long as he knows you have arrested someone. This is the difference between arresting one person and busting the whole gang.