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Singing in the shower.... Looking in the mirror.... Crying for an hour..... Lada dee dada daaa dada daaa

Apparently throwing a tennis ball painted red and white at your crush's face and shouting "I CHOOSE YOU!" is not the way to ask somebody out....

Vagina-asian for people who don't got the Cauc.

My dad was supposed to make a speech at his brother's wedding but instead of doing that , he got up, sang "Another one bites the dust" and sat back down.....the groom laughed so hard , the champagne he was drinking rocketed out of his nose and I think its safe to say that his wedding video is the best one in existence....

Whack the motherfucking ball --> lose the point --> pray to god --> whack the motherfucking ball. (Throw racket and repeat) Tennis - the infinite loop of frustration and hatred created by some Satanic asshole.

I have a feeling that one day the world will go to war and sometime later a modern Anne Frank's Diary type book shall be released but it'll just be in the form of some white girl's facebook posts with every entry ending with hashtags like #thestruggleisreal , #icanteveneven and #whereareyoustarbucks.

You're beautiful , you're beautiful Its bull. When I saw your face, in a crowded place. I ran away its true. From an ugly shit like you.

We have security cameras in school and every time I pass one I do these Michael Jackson type dance moves , little did I know that the fucking cameras were connected to the fucking principles computer and today when I was walking to the lunch hall I passed by the principle and she literally broke out into a flawless rendition of my entire camera dance routine WHAT THE FUCK.

Married couples are just people who won certificates for being the best possible friends with benefits....

My great grandmom is 95 years old and today she did a joint , fell asleep for 6 hours and woke up looked at all of us and screamed "goddammit I'm still in this hellhole..."

Some person in or class made an entire chart of possible relationships between everybody and the girl I landed up with punched me in the stomach at lunch cause according to the stupid chart I married and then cheated on her with another guy.....