Wafa-puriit

Stormcloaks support universal healthcare (providing lobotomies to all thalmor)

Added poison to my wine for flavor (as one typically does), but forgot to wear my poison resistance amulet, so our meeting will have to be relocated to soul cairn

Yes, I am "woke", go ask Hircine why the werewolf package includes Perpetual™ Insomnia™

Told a homophobic drunkard that I'm as straight as a sword (he doesn't know that I am from Hammerfell)

Missed opportunity to give the College of Winterhold a homoerotic subplot - cmon, that's The Trope. Same with the Dark Brotherhood (it's literally in the name),,,, also the Companions (obvious), Ulfric is a physiological need, and there's already an otherwise sauceless Bards College (you know, full college dedicated to speech, charisma and entertainment). The almost lethally low levels of yaoi in Skyrim are carried on Erik the Slayer's big, muscular shoulders

What to do when someone places a bucket on your head: don't worry about ittttttttttttttttttttttttt :33333333333

Notice how Lucan and the golden dragon claw get tragically separated, only for a hero to come and reunite them? That's yaoi

Enter a tavern with 40 pending levels as an average-looking guy, sleep 40 times in a row - each time for exactly an hour - without exiting the room, and come out looking like I got a whiff of the delicious scent of a fresh apple fritter

So first go outside and bring me a stone. mkay i think youre ready. now help me kill a dragon

Why, of all shouts my parrot could've overheard, did it have to be the one summoning Durnehviir? It's the 7th time he called him today and just started grinding his beak in satisfaction because now not only humans but also dragons are subject to his will. By Ysmir he just hopped on Durnehviir's head and tried preening his scales

A beggar asked me for a coin, so instead I stopped in front of him and started chewing on a varla stone. I'm an orc and my understanding of magic ends on knowing that it maybe exists, so I just eat the stone. He doesn't know what it is, but he knows it costs like 10 years of food and it's in my tummy now.