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I think other people’s definition of what is ‘right’ is relative. If by definition a ‘good’ person is philanthropic, charitable, does things for others even when they do not want to, takes pity on others, allows people to walk all over them because they are too nice to make an adjustment to the people who ‘do not spark joy’ in their environments, care about global warming. I am not interested in changing the world, I am simply seeking the things that create an environment in which I can live in peacefully. 

Like i don’t deserve love or attention. And there’s nothing good about me. Just want to stay home locked in my house forever.

Have you ever been- heartbroken? You feel this excruciating pain on the inside of you that you would do anything to make go away. You can't seem to figure out which way is up, and you find yourself convincing yourself of things an awful lot; most of it being delusional, or you just being in denial.. whichever you prefer. That's been me lately with no real cause of this pain. I'm in a happy relationship, I have great friends and I always have things to look forward to.. yet here I sit- crying as I write this, feeling that excruciating pain that I can't make go away. I don't spend my entire day like this, it comes and goes throughout my day. One moment I will be on top of the world and as that dose of happiness wear off I'm back here searching for a voice of reason. So I just keep doing the little things that make me happy to prolong my highs, and lessen my lows.