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me as a teenager: man it sucks to have no privacy or autonomy but i guess its for a good reason. when i turn 18 i will realise how young i was and understand why they did all that.
me as an adult: teenagers are an oppressed class, their abuse is normalised and systemic and they need to start killing people
Lawyer!Wolfgang โCrimes against your soulmate would be just as bad as crimes against women/childrenโ Akire having a heart attack at all the attempted soulmate murders both in bonus content and normal content but ESPECIALLY in bonus content
save him </3
In the Main version he would have to deal with the whole Eloise/Desmond mess (though to be fair, it probably never got farther than a crazy idea since they didn't have 4 chapters of death & despair ruining their mental health unless a motive specifically targets them) on top of all the guilt over isolating Damon during Ch1. Kinda surprising to realize those 2 are the only killer/victim that are soulmates with each other now that I'm thinking about it....until Bonus Content comes into play. Words are being had with Jean once he finds out about the "tried to kill Damon" thing. Those 2 get the biggest reactions from Wolfgang because of the soulmate aspect, but he's definitely in 2nd place behind Damon in the "who's internally screaming over all the murder attempts" competition when it comes to all the other attempts lol (especially when it comes to Toshiko. like. she's the one he'd consider the most innocent of them all, and she tried to kill someone, albeit spontaneously?)
Not to mention he still has the leader position and is trying to help with all the non-murder-related conflicts that happen as well. And the whole situation with Damon getting poisoned. This guy is stressed for basically the whole time they're trapped lol
He is trying his best to stay calm, but it is very hard lol (especially if he hasn't fully unpacked all his emotions over almost getting murdered himself yet). Oof.....he didn't yell or get angry, but he definitely defended her the hardest until she confessed to her attempt & couldn't keep himself from expressing his disappointment/betrayal
oh, Grace absolutely made a threat like that at some point. The soybean she's sharing with them all is already dealing with his poisoning, and his emotional stress, plus Wolfgang's, is getting Grace pissed off at all the other idiots since she's having to deal with it due to Damon's soulmark plus her & Wolfie being roommates (and those are her only reasons, of course ;3)
He feels bad the minute he sees her tear up, but he's too angry to stop himself until Ingrid and Damon stop him and take Toshiko away to talk to her.
Grace probably is also one of the better caretakers for Mark, especially since she's probably dealt with people suffering withdrawals before (she's an athlete and was a delinquent whose parents were involved in organized crime after all). She's aggressively telling him to get better or she'll bash his head in while gently making sure he's ok and has a steady snack supply.
yeah, he definitely apologizes once he's calmed down, but the sudden realization that even someone like Toshiko could break in their circumstances finally hit him
true.......and even if her family wasn't part of the drug trade, she's probably one of the top 5 students with the most medical knowledge due to her talent. Over Bonus Content!Ch2, Girl's got her time split between being a bodyguard for Damon while he's unconscious, trying to calm Wolfgang down, fighting with Wenona over the motive, and awkwardly trying to relate to Mark after realizing what's happening to him Grace Madison, protector of twinks
You know what would be awful? If for the 3rd motive everyone's families/loved ones were threatened, or maybe just a few peoples loved ones, like Toshiko's family. The threatened people would have to kill within a certain timeframe and not tell anyone that their families were in danger or Mara and the other killing game workers would "hunt down their loved ones" (they'd probably be kidnapped instead of killed if no one killed in the time frame & possibly be forced to watch their loved ones in the killing game). Imagine if Damon or even Ingrid of all people considered killing too just to save their families or even planned to kill.
Poor Grace is so busy taking care of everyone that she barely has time to team up with Cassidy, Ingrid, and (reluctantly) Eva to overthrow Wenona and Ulysses. It gets even worse in Chapter 3 and Chapter 4
Grace: *pulling out her schedule* Let's see...I checked on Wolfie...I checked on Sleeping Soybean until Ingrid took over...I made sure Chameleon Girl and Gator Boy had enough food...*grins* time to overthrow the boo-whatever and knock Rich Bitch's teeth in!
ahh.....i actually put that as the 4th motive for my what-if lol.... yeah, if it's only a few that get that motive Wolfgang is much more understanding & apologetic once he finds out (he'd be like that even if it was everyone that got the motive tbh). And augh.....they would almost convince themselves that they could go through with it, then one of their close people in the KG talks to them and they....they just can't
Grace is making sure they all pay her back with interest once they get out of of the KG lol yeah, even though Damon's awake by then, she has to deal with the shit-storms that are Ch3 & 4. Thankfully she has more help since the others aren't worrying over the money motive anymore
Ah...Toshiko's murder attempt would probably be the inspiration for the 4th motive. Imagine if Grace ended up talking Ingrid down from her murder plan.
Grace out here being forced to go into mom mode and hating every single minute of it. Grace might even (very, very reluctantly) take care of Wenona and Eva if they get sick or injured after Chapter 2. Enemies to lovers arc anyone?
true, whether successful or not it would definitely give Tozu the idea..... next time they're working together after the motive announcement, Grace catches hints that Ingrid's not doing very well & goes to confront her a while later, only to see the look in her eyes when Grace brings up the motive & realize Ingrid's genuinely considering it. Then of course she knocks some sense back into the blacksmith regarding how stupid it would be to kill (even if she won, they both know she couldn't live with herself afterwards, plus what would her siblings think of her if/when they found out?)
poor Grace </3 since Jean, Wenona, & Ulysses aren't being trusted after their Ch2 stunts, Eva isn't for her Ch1 stunt, Damon's recovering from his poisoning, the Gaming Trio is the Gaming Trio, Kai is Kai, and Ingrid is already overwhelmed from where she is helping, Grace is the only responsible adult with the confidence to take charge of the group & take some of the weight off of Wolfgang (Desmond & Eloise would also assist, but probably not in a leadership-esque role). And yeah she hates it, because why the hell is everyone else unable to take care of themselves and not do something stupid?!?!!!
Grace would focus on the fact that they probably hate having to rely on her more than she hates having to take care of them to get her through it lol and maybe.....they end up talking like normal people just to fill the silence....and maybe end up bonding a little
Grace: *Just stopped him from poisoning himself with a rotten meat donut* Uh huh. Sure thing soybean.
Ah, poor Ingrid. Grace probably panics a bit when Ingrid of all people starts bawling into her shoulder (she's used to the gremlin, makeup girl, and the other soybeans breaking down, but Ingrid?)
Imagine if Wenona, Eva, and Grace made fun of Tozu and Mara together while Grace is giving them medicine ("Bweh! Look at me! I'm a dramatic furry whose monologuing about how evil I am")
Imagine if Eloise and Grace actually ended up actually fighting when Grace had to stop her and Desmond's plan.
"Stop saying 15 year olds with weird interests are cringe, they're 15" this is true however you should also stop saying adults with weird interests are cringe because who gives a shit
I want to share some wisdom from my high school art teacher.
In my AP Art class, there was a girl who was just starting to experiment with mixed media. At this point she was still playing around, trying to decide what direction she wanted to go with her portfolio. So one critique day, she brought in an abstract canvas with some rhinestone highlights and painted and real peacock feathers. She loved sparkles and peacock feathers so she thought sheโd try introducing them a *little*. And after everyone had given some input, the teacher gave her his advice, VERY roughly paraphrased here:
โSo hereโs the thingโฆ I do not like this style. These are just elements that do not speak to me personally, but I see that you like them, and youโre doing interesting things with them.
โMy biggest critique is, I only merely *dislike* this piece. I want you to make me HATE it. Go crazy with the things that you like. Donโt hold back trying to make it palatable to people like me. Because I am NEVER going to like it. And if the audience does not like it, it should drive them crazy seeing how much YOU love it.โ
Her portfolio was chock full of neon colors and glitter and rhinestones and splashes of peacock feathers and it was a delight. Our teacher despised every piece lol, but she got great marks and I think even won some awards. And more importantly, she was happy and proud of the results. Because she didnโt limit herself by trying to appeal to people who were never going to enjoy what she enjoyed.
Takeaway here: be as cringe as you want. Donโt limit yourself based on other pplโs tastes. Theyโre not you, and you are incredible ๐
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you can choose to break up with someone for any reason. and itโs your choice. youโre allowed. you donโt need to ask for permission. you donโt even need to do it in person. you wonโt get in trouble. in fact, most of the time youโll be in trouble for fucking staying.
they donโt even have to suck! you can just be tired! or bored! or want to be single! you donโt have to stay with a person you donโt want to be with because they โare such a good person and havenโt done anything wrongโ!
WHY DO I KEEP TALKING TO WOMEN WHO ARE STUCK IN RELATIONSHIPS THEY DONT WANT TO BE IN
with no-fault divorces currently on the fucking chopping block, we really need to start telling young women that they have autonomy when it comes to their romantic relationships.
no, you donโt have to date that guy just cuz he wants to date you.
no, you donโt have to stay with her because she doesnโt want to break up.
no, you donโt have to keep dating them even though they havenโt cheated/abused you/whatever horrible thing is your only reference for ending a relationship.
this is basic info, but youโd be surprised at how many women donโt understand this, or feel like itโs not true.
and before ANYONE says that this goes for everyone, not just women, yes of course it does. anyone of any gender can suffer from this.
but letโs not deny that women are taught this shit from a young age. be virtuous, forgiving, kind, soft, turn the other cheek, itโs just cuz heโs a man and youโre a girl and you donโt understand. stay with him or youโre a bitch.
The thing is, even if you were lucky and your parents taught you how to clean, they probably didn't teach you how to clean the stuff you clean stuff with, like brushes, mops, sponges, rags, and so on. Or how to clean your cleaning appliances, like a dish washer, clothes washing machine, and clothes dryer and its ducts (if you have a ducted dryer), or a carpet cleaner, vacuum, Or how to clean up clean messes, like spilled bleach or detergent.
My parents threw away all of these things (even the vacuum cleaners and the dryer) when they got too dirty to function, because no one even told them THAT they could be cleaned. Cost them thousands of dollars over the years.
All I'm saying is that cleaning is not intuitive, and not knowing how to clean is not a moral failing, but it is something you can learn.
I'm going to reblog this post with resources for learning how to clean things and how to clean cleaning things (I'm not at my desk at the moment). If you have any favorites, please feel free to add them in too!
I like this video because it does a great job of introducing the basic foundations of house cleaning (and because he doesn't use bleach, which is a common allergy in addition to being awful to inhale). He also talks a little about how to clean a vacuum. And why you shouldn't put grease from your pots and pans down the sink drain. I also love that he mentions that different houses and different people have different needs and different versions of what clean and cleaning looks like.
He doesn't mention though that the toilet seat comes off. I take my toilet seat off to clean under the hinges and clean the seat more thoroughly once a quarter.
This is another video from the same guy about cleaning and depression. This advice, especially at the beginning, can feel really really difficult and oppressive to hear. However, I find that it's generally pretty solid. But I'm autistic and so is he, so that gets a massive Your Mileage May Vary stamp on it.
I have a favorite part of this video. It's from 10:52 to 12:36. I think we could all use to hear that. There's a HEFTY pause after that one. I promise the narration does come back.
I'm also going to recommend KC Davis' book "How To Keep House While Drowning"
This is a pair of videos about how to correctly load and use a dish washer.
The first one is a quick 1 minute 30 second overview on loading. I can't find the exact video I'm looking for, so consider this a substitute for that. If I can find the one I'm looking for, I'll swap it in.
The second is a half hour deep dive on dishwashers and detergents. The short form of that is you shouldn't need to pre-rinse anything, detergent pods are overpriced and can cause problems, some dishwashers have a filter in the bottom that needs to be cleaned (but most don't), run your sink until the water is HOT before starting your dish washer, and put a little detergent in the pre-rinse dispenser when you're washing extra dirty dishes (or on the inside of the door if your dishwasher doesn't have a pre-rinse dispenser).
How to clean a front load washer (with bleach). This should be done monthly or every time you wash really soiled clothes.
With expert tips and tricks for all types of washers.
How to clean a top loader (without the removable agitator thing). This should be done every 1-3 months depending on you unit, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.
Regular cleaning of a top-load washing machine will prolong the life of the appliance and leave your laundry cleaner and brighter.
How to clean a top loader (with the removable agitator thing). This should be done every month, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.
These carpet brushes are a LIFE SAVER if you have dogs. This thing allows me to go from vacuuming about 4 square feet before my vacuum is full to vacuuming half the living room (I don't vacuum often enough. You should vacuum weekly, and I just can't.). I have to unclog the vacuum less often. It fluffs up some of the flat spots in the carpet. And I also use the brush to shampoo my rugs in the spring.
A spot cleaner (or a carpet cleaner with a spot cleaner attachment) is another life saver, ESPECIALLY if you can afford to splurge on a heated one. I see them at Goodwill or at yard sales occasionally, and they're worth picking up. The shark one in the video is great too.
This channel is gold. There's tutorials for cleaning EVERYTHING on there. Just go subscribe!
Gonna throw another potential resource at the end of this very long list, which may be potentially helpful for others like me who loathe videos. It's... the weirdest thing that has genuinely been helpful to me in housekeeping. Absolutely full of useful advice, and bizarrely still relevant in large part. (Though, caveat, research ANYTHING to do with chemicals or cleaning products more complicated than vinegar + lemon + water for modern information.)
It's America's Housekeeping Book (1941). Available for free download on the Internet Archive. (Large PDF file at the link here).
The LISTS y'all. The step by step lists. The emphasis on efficiency and arranging spaces for the least resistance possible. The basic concept of "take a tray or basket into a room when you are tidying up so you can put things that belong elsewhere on it and take them out LATER in ONE GO".
Writers have two modes and they are "i haven't written in three weeks and i am rotting from the inside and everything feels wrong and i don't know who i am anymore" and "i wrote for four hours straight and forgot to eat and it's dark outside and when did that happen and i feel like a god" and there is nothing in between. no chill. no medium setting. just famine or feast and a very confused nervous system.
I actually think Damon Maitsu would be a REALLY good father. Definitely a girl dad though. Like he'd be doing some super serious idfk ultimate stuff on a call and his daughter would walk in and he'd go from his normal self like Yeah no your being really stupid. That's not what that me-HII SWEETIE AW YOU MISSED ME? OKAY THE MEETING CAN WAIT YES I CAN ABSOLUTELY MAKE MACARONI ART WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. He spends ALL his money on clothes for her and toys and literally anything she wants she's so spoiled. And when she hits the teenage years and doesn't wanna hang around her parents anymore and he gets the first "get out of my room" Comment he WOULD go sit on his bed stare at a wall and either cry about it or have a sad montage of all the moments of him with his kid when she was young and sigh about how she's grown up.
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Wolfgang is leaving this killing game with gray hairs lololol
Wolfgang: I'm relieved that, despite everything the organizers behind this killing game threw at us, we all managed to survive long enough for rescue to arrive-.....where's Damon?
(it's a good thing the group got put in protective custody after getting saved because man's gonna be looking like Gregory Edgeworth by 24 if he doesn't take a break after going through all that lol)
Ulysses, Wenona, Ingrid, and maybe Jean might get some gray hairs too honestly.
Kai, Diana, and Damon would definitely help Wolfie dye his hair when they get out. Imagine if Wolfgang bonded with Eva when they both get their hair dyed together.
true.....at least they have the best cosmetologist in the country to help them if they want it lol
yeah, Wolfgang would be a bit....insistent on covering any noticeable gray hairs as soon as he can (because of daddy issues), but even though the others wouldn't know why yet, they're still willing to help him. He definitely tries to hold a conversation with her....takes him a few attempts to get her to respond with more than 3 words though
they can't believe he's so uncultured! ....cue Damon piping up that he doesn't know who that is either, and thus the 2 end up trapped on the couch once Wolfgang's hair is done so Eva & Cassidy can play the game for/with them
Poor Ingrid. Imagine barely being an adult & already going gray. Jokes aside, Wenona would look good with a few gray hairs (even though sheโd rather get Diana to dye her hair.)
Damon & Eva would smugly point out how Ace Attorney is basically a parody of the Japanese Criminal Justice system when Wolfgang complains about how โunrealisticโ this game is.
Then of course they introduce Ulysses & Wenona to the Professor Layton series (probably during a hair dye sesh)
Imagine Cassidy, Eva, & Grace playing Wii sports together.
girl's the third youngest of the group too lol.... yeah, Wenona would definitely prefer covering them up at least for a decade or two for the sake of her image
they're greatly amused by how ruffled Wolfgang gets over the game...at least until Damon's met with a leap of logic that's too far for him to get behind (meanwhile Eva & Cassidy are used to Ace Attorney shenanigans)
oh, absolutely, and they spend so much time looking for, arguing over, & completing puzzles that their dye session is over before they realize (Wenona & Ulysses would not be opposed to joining next time they play)
poor Eva's in last place every time, but that just fuels her motivation to beat Grace in at least one game (meanwhile Grace won't turn down a challenge & Cassidy's just having fun)
Grace might get a few gray hairs too from taking care of everyone.
Damon: Psh, calm down Akire. It's just a gam-ARE THEY CROSS EXAMINING AN ORCA?!
Side note, but imagine if one day Wolfie had to cross examine a crow or raven and Eva had to help him.
Imagine if Ulysses became an avid gamer after playing stuff like Professor Layton, Ace Attorney, Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective, etc. He'd probably also like Assassin's Creed too.
Imagine if Eva actually beat Grace at wii sports, especially if it was at golf.
true.....really everyone probably gets at least a few from the stress of the KG lol (though some have more than others)
honestly Damon would be questioning stuff long before they get to the 5th game lol (he's dumbfounded when spirit channeling is just casually confirmed to be a thing that exists in AA)
the bird is the only witness to the crime & was buddies with the victim
Ulysses would definitely be instersted in seeing how historically accurate the Assassin's Creed games are (....though he's probably not skilled enough in that genre, but Cassidy & Eva are happy to play for him)
lol.....Eva would absolutely train hardest in Wii golf specifically because it would be the game Grace would be most pissed to lose in
Poor Toshikoโฆimagine going grey before youโre even old enough to drive.
I think Ulysses would get pretty good at Assassinโs Creed after a while. I bet heโd also like Breath of the Wild too (especially for the puzzles & how detailed the world is)
Wolfgang: And was the person who stabbed your best friend the defendant?
Crow: *crow noises*
Eva: He says โhow should I know? You humans look the same except for my best friend & that asshole who threw rocks at me 2 years ago.โ
If the crow was the victimโs pet & not a wild animal & thereโs no one else to take care of the crow, Eva probably adopts it.
The polycule wakes up in the middle of the night to Grace crashing out & chasing Cassidy (whoโs carrying Eva) & a very smug c.row
Headcanons for the guys (+ Damian) going out to celebrate something only to wake up extremely hungover in a trashed hotel room with no memory of the night before... and then collectively having an 'oh shit' moment when they find out that Damon is missing (bonus points if there's an event later on that day or week where Damon is needed to attend).
Oh, and someone just had the misfortune of finding a very pissed off alligator in the bathroom.
the idea of Ulysses, Wolfgang, & Desmond also having gone too far is really funny
โ so. Maybe it's a major achievement in one of their careers. Maybe it's an upcoming wedding for one of them or the girls. Either way it's something big enough that they listen to Jett & Damian's pleas to go out and paint the town red
โ boys night out!!!1!!!1!!!1!!!!!!!!
โ ..........and then they wake up. where the hell are they, and why the hell are they there
โ it's Jean and/or Jett that wake up first since they have the highest tolerance of the guys (and of the group in general)
โ and they're surprised to see that the other guys, even the ones that wouldn't normally drink so much, are in similar states to them
โ ...and that they don't recognize where they are
โ some of the others start waking up too, in various states of misery & regret
โ takes a bit of talking to realize they likely got a hotel room since they were all too wasted to drive home
โ which leads them to conclude that they'll likely have to pay extra for the cleaning fee because it looks like a tornado ran through the place
โ what the fuck happened last night. none of them can answer, but hearing a hungover Wolfgang ask that question is almost funny enough to get past the rising worry
โ and just as they start realizing there's one less person than there should be, they hear a small shriek from the bathroom
โ they find Kai having a staring contest with Mark's distant cousin
โ why is there an alligator in the bathroom & not the cute green-eyed kind he just wanted to pee & rinse the lingering taste of margarita out of his mouth man what the hell
โ cue them trying to remember what to do in this situation. Kai's just slowly backing away until he finally gets past the doorway and immediately shuts it
โ the last of the boys finally wake up and get caught up on what's happening
โ and then it clicks that Damon's not there, even though one of the last things they remember from last night was that he joined them...and their memory cuts off right after they finished their first drinks
โ and he's not answering when one of them finally finds their phone and tries calling him
โ and then it fully hits them that their boyfriend is missing. Cue panicked scrambling to put on clothes, grab all their things, and try to get the room as decently clean as they can
โ Jett forgets about the alligator in the bathroom, opens the door, and promptly shuts it again before barricading it with whatever's available
โ Kai is bouncing between freaking out over how the alligator got there, freaking out over not knowing where Damon is, and checking his phone to see if drunk-Kai posted anything stupid online
โ Damian, Desmond, & Jean's shirts are too ripped/damaged, so "unfortunately" they have to go out shirtless until they get back home (or if they get replacements)
โ Wolfgang is internally screaming at the looks he gets when he pays the hotel a 200% tip and mentions the "minor" damage....and the alligator
โ Mark & Ulysses are getting piggybacked because they're still unsteady from the hangovers, and they're not speaking full sentences or acknowledging they exist until the headaches wear off
โ either Wolfgang or Desmond is the one that remembers that Damon mentioned a seminar he was asked to speak at that day, and that there would be some influential people attending it that he was excited to meet
โ cue more panic as they go to the bar & try retracing their steps to find out what happened and where their snake boy is before it's too late
โ not sure which is funnier: Damon having his own wacky adventures separate from them until they finally find him (or he reaches the seminar by himself), or if he had gone home & they just don't remember so he's perfectly fine
โ either way, the boys have to use their brains, brawn, & charm to piece the events of the night before together & track him down
โ and they are never living this down when they all finally get back home
It would be especially funny if it was one of their bachelor parties and they have find Damon and get home before the girls find out and kill them. It would be even funnier if Desmond and Eloise (and maybe Damon too), Grace, Damon, and Wolfgang, or Ulysses, Cassidy, and Wenona were the ones getting married.
The boys definitely had a wild night last night. Imagine if Wolfgang or Ulysses woke up with bright rainbow hair styled in a mohawk, tattoos, and even a piercing or two or twenty eight. and found out that they became the lead singers of a punk rock/heavy metal band last night.
Jean would probably also win a fortune at a casino during the bachelor party too...which leads to the boys being chased around by the angry mobsters working for the casino.
Yeah, Damon definitely goes on an adventure while the other boys (and their new gator friend) are looking for him. Imagine if he woke up next to an anaconda or a Burmese python.
ah....not only do they have to worry about finding Damon in time for his seminar, but they're also stressing over the wedding happening in a few days lol. No matter which of them is getting married, Eloise, Grace, & Wenona are having words with their boyfriends when they finally get in contact with them lmao
.....especially if Wolfgang got a tattoo, because Grace would've felt that. Meanwhile Ulysses is just staring in shock at their newfound appearance changes and once more asking what the hell happened. And then during the boys' journey to retrace their steps, they find out about their stint on stage at the bar
oh, can definitely see Jean doing that (impressive considering how he was blackout drunk at the time). He's very boastful when he finds out, at least until the mob starts going after them
poor Damon </3 he just goes dead-still when he realizes he's next to a giant snake until he's able to sneak away before going on his own "retracing steps to find out what happened last night" journey (and where his boys & Jean are)
the thought of Damon departing on his own adventures is funny as shit ngl. like.
he wakes up halfway across the city in some public park with a novelty t-shirt and too many questions. well, until he sees the photos online of him doing a keg stand, riding a mechanical bull, and promtply attempting to befriend a goose in the public park (it went terribly.)
Damon is baffled by his own nonsense. but by god, whatever else happened on his little oddyssey would be. one hell of a story.
yeah, thinking about super-serious-and-uptight Damon Maitsu having a The Hangover experience is hilarious. He luckily still has his phone on him, but that only increases the confusion when he sees the pictures....and then finds the bite marks the goose left behind
drunk Damon is a cheerful menace who has no reservations about trying stuff sober Damon would think is stupid, and it ends up being sober Damon's problem the next morning (alongside the hangover lol)
when he finally reunites with the other guys (just in time for his seminar, of course) they're both kinda awkwardly trying to avoid asking each other what happened to the other, though they all end up telling the story once they get home
Damon probably sent a picture of the goose to Eloise along with the caption "O fond you lon ost cousn" while he was drunk...before sending another text that "you cousn bit me in the add"
Damon would either fall off the bull immediately or somehow set a new record.
Grace and Wenona would be pissed at their boys and the other boys...but they can't deny that their nerds look hot as rockers. They'd especially love seeing the recording of their performances, especially when their nerds try to hide their faces from embarrassment.
Wenona: Hmph, I gotta say, you have a really nice voice Uly...and a lot of pent up rage.
Grace: Feh, if being a lawyer don't work out, you could be a rockstar Wolfie.
Meanwhile, MP!Ulysses and MP!Wolfgang sneeze.
Imagine if the mobsters that ran the casino also ran an exotic animal smuggling/poaching ring and Mark and Damon freed the animals, including the alligator and the anaconda while they were blackout drunk (be free, my *hic* reptile brethren)
Each of the boys do their fair share of stupid/crazy stuff too but I'm trying to think of what Desmond, Kai, Jett, and Damian would do.
Headcanons for the guys (+ Damian) going out to celebrate something only to wake up extremely hungover in a trashed hotel room with no memory of the night before... and then collectively having an 'oh shit' moment when they find out that Damon is missing (bonus points if there's an event later on that day or week where Damon is needed to attend).
Oh, and someone just had the misfortune of finding a very pissed off alligator in the bathroom.
the idea of Ulysses, Wolfgang, & Desmond also having gone too far is really funny
โ so. Maybe it's a major achievement in one of their careers. Maybe it's an upcoming wedding for one of them or the girls. Either way it's something big enough that they listen to Jett & Damian's pleas to go out and paint the town red
โ boys night out!!!1!!!1!!!1!!!!!!!!
โ ..........and then they wake up. where the hell are they, and why the hell are they there
โ it's Jean and/or Jett that wake up first since they have the highest tolerance of the guys (and of the group in general)
โ and they're surprised to see that the other guys, even the ones that wouldn't normally drink so much, are in similar states to them
โ ...and that they don't recognize where they are
โ some of the others start waking up too, in various states of misery & regret
โ takes a bit of talking to realize they likely got a hotel room since they were all too wasted to drive home
โ which leads them to conclude that they'll likely have to pay extra for the cleaning fee because it looks like a tornado ran through the place
โ what the fuck happened last night. none of them can answer, but hearing a hungover Wolfgang ask that question is almost funny enough to get past the rising worry
โ and just as they start realizing there's one less person than there should be, they hear a small shriek from the bathroom
โ they find Kai having a staring contest with Mark's distant cousin
โ why is there an alligator in the bathroom & not the cute green-eyed kind he just wanted to pee & rinse the lingering taste of margarita out of his mouth man what the hell
โ cue them trying to remember what to do in this situation. Kai's just slowly backing away until he finally gets past the doorway and immediately shuts it
โ the last of the boys finally wake up and get caught up on what's happening
โ and then it clicks that Damon's not there, even though one of the last things they remember from last night was that he joined them...and their memory cuts off right after they finished their first drinks
โ and he's not answering when one of them finally finds their phone and tries calling him
โ and then it fully hits them that their boyfriend is missing. Cue panicked scrambling to put on clothes, grab all their things, and try to get the room as decently clean as they can
โ Jett forgets about the alligator in the bathroom, opens the door, and promptly shuts it again before barricading it with whatever's available
โ Kai is bouncing between freaking out over how the alligator got there, freaking out over not knowing where Damon is, and checking his phone to see if drunk-Kai posted anything stupid online
โ Damian, Desmond, & Jean's shirts are too ripped/damaged, so "unfortunately" they have to go out shirtless until they get back home (or if they get replacements)
โ Wolfgang is internally screaming at the looks he gets when he pays the hotel a 200% tip and mentions the "minor" damage....and the alligator
โ Mark & Ulysses are getting piggybacked because they're still unsteady from the hangovers, and they're not speaking full sentences or acknowledging they exist until the headaches wear off
โ either Wolfgang or Desmond is the one that remembers that Damon mentioned a seminar he was asked to speak at that day, and that there would be some influential people attending it that he was excited to meet
โ cue more panic as they go to the bar & try retracing their steps to find out what happened and where their snake boy is before it's too late
โ not sure which is funnier: Damon having his own wacky adventures separate from them until they finally find him (or he reaches the seminar by himself), or if he had gone home & they just don't remember so he's perfectly fine
โ either way, the boys have to use their brains, brawn, & charm to piece the events of the night before together & track him down
โ and they are never living this down when they all finally get back home
It would be especially funny if it was one of their bachelor parties and they have find Damon and get home before the girls find out and kill them. It would be even funnier if Desmond and Eloise (and maybe Damon too), Grace, Damon, and Wolfgang, or Ulysses, Cassidy, and Wenona were the ones getting married.
The boys definitely had a wild night last night. Imagine if Wolfgang or Ulysses woke up with bright rainbow hair styled in a mohawk, tattoos, and even a piercing or two or twenty eight. and found out that they became the lead singers of a punk rock/heavy metal band last night.
Jean would probably also win a fortune at a casino during the bachelor party too...which leads to the boys being chased around by the angry mobsters working for the casino.
Yeah, Damon definitely goes on an adventure while the other boys (and their new gator friend) are looking for him. Imagine if he woke up next to an anaconda or a Burmese python.
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Headcanons for each of the Maitsuverse Cassidys celebrating their birthdays?
i guess i should start linking the maitsuverse versions to the birthday post lol
โ Main variants, Historian & Ship Captain's Music Producers, Marksman, Ship Captain, Drag Racer: probably hit up an arcade or club (can see Marksman!Cassidy doing laser tag like Marksman!Jett), celebration lasts throughout the night, most likely to get utterly wasted now that they're 21
โ Entrepreneur, Fencer, Mathlete, Debater, Influencer, Historian: similar to here, having a chill game night with just their groups (though maybe with the Influencer doing a stream)
โ Cosmetologist, Blacksmith, Matchmaker, Lawyer: get surprised by a birthday party when they get home after a nice lunch with their partners/friends
Would Cassidy be 20 or 21 in this case? I thought she was 19 is why I'm asking.
Entrepreneur Damon would hate Mountain Dew cake with a passion...but since Cassidy likes it? It's the best flavor in the world. He's getting the best bakers he can find to make a Mountain Dew Cake for Cassidy, and if anyone makes fun of it, they're fired!
Marksman Cassidy would constantly yell out "Boom! Headshot!" when she hits someone in laser tag or kills an enemy in a video game.
Imagine Drag Racer Cassidy & Pro Gamer Eva teaching Itoshi how to play different games.
ah, I put 21 since in last year's ask she turned 20
the things Entrepreneur!Damon does for love........Amazing that he keeps his face from scrunching every time he takes a bite (but his hatred still shows, though Cassidy finds it cute/funny)
yep, girl's having the time of her life massacring all her friends & loved ones (and of course the others weren't holding back just because it's her birthday, so the victory is even sweeter)
Itoshi is....bad at the games they like, and it is very amusing for the girls to watch him pout every time he dies
Lawyer Cassidy definitely teases Entrepreneur a bit when he gags on the mountain dew cake before pulling out a small strawberry-chocolate cake so he (& maybe Toshiko and some of the others) can have some cake he enjoys.
Baker Damon, Influencer Wenona, and Marksman Damon would be similarly suffering when making cake for their partners (unless they like Mountain Dew or Chocolate Soda). Fencer Cassidy and Crypt would try to "help" Influencer Wenona make a cake, but Wenona would just call Jett, Jean, and Ingrid over to distract them. Marksman would have similar issues with Debater Cassidy and Music Producer Jett.
Itoshi pouts even more at his girlfriends' teasing...until he actually manages to win a game and earn lots of credits/tickets (assuming they're somewhere like Chuck E. Cheese or Dave and Buster's). He uses his credits to get Cassidy either a spider plushie, a mini remote controlled car, or a tiny arcade game that's small and cute (like Cassidy).
Marksman Cassidy would gloat so much about winning...until someone sprays her with a water gun. Then it's on.
MP Damon would probably make a bunch of remixes of Entrepreneur Cassidy's favorite songs for her birthday, along with a duck version of herself and maybe some ducks of characters from her company's video games. Imagine if Entrepreneur Cassidy made a game about ducks/rubber ducks.
Imagine if Blacksmith made a spider figurine for Cosmetologist Cassidy or one of her favorite characters.
Pro Gamer and Blacksmith Cassidy would be such a chaotic duo. Pro Gamer's partners have to check his gift to make sure he doesn't give Cassidy a bomb or something. Really he'd probably just get her some really good scrap metal, and she'd love it.
Mathlete Jett would probably make Ship Captain Cassidy a puzzle that creates a model ship or a miniature cannon that actually fires.
What do you think Wenona would get Main Cassidy this year since she already has a fancy gaming chair?
he's embarrassed when they pull the cake out (it's Cassidy's birthday, she's the only one that should get a special cake) but appreciates it (and so do the others that have "wrong" tastebuds that don't enjoy the deliciousness of mountain dew cake)
those 3 could probably tolerate the taste of chocolate soda enough to be fine making a cake with it for their Cassidy's (though Baker's internally being snobbish over it). And yeah, those 4 would certainly cause trouble for Influencer!Wenona & Marksman!Damon lol, though thankfully each birthday girl & her cohort can get their attention pulled away so the bakers can.....bake
Itoshi is very proud of himself for finally winning after a continuous lose streak, especially when he gets enough to get Cassidy one of the more expensive prizes (she probably gets all 3 from Itoshi, Jean, & Eva by the end of the night, plus whatever else she wins for herself)
like 5 minutes after they get home in the late afternoon, someone suggests swimming in the pool.....and proceeds to snipe Marksman!Cassidy as soon as she comes out. After being outraged at the complete & utter betrayal, she's immediately returning fire
MP casually "hides" the CD with his remixes underneath a big duck-Cassidy & tiny duck versions of her most popular game characters and pretends he had nothing to do with the ducks. She would probably include a duck character in one of her more animal-themed games
Blacksmith definitely spent several days getting the spider legs just right before making the final version to give her
ah....yeah Blacksmith!Cassidy would definitely enjoy reusing scrap whenever possible (and she's very amused by Pro Gamer's partners & would claim he already gave her the bomb earlier in order to see their reactions)
Captain Amber has fun testing out how powerful her new tiny cannon is lol (the others are just watching and sometimes bringing new things to shoot)
As for Main!Wenona's gift for Cassidy.....some high-resolution monitors & a high quality VR headset
Entrepreneur would try to avoid eating a slice of the strawberry cake for a while...until Cassidy threatens to eat all of it. Then he's sprinting calmly walking over to get a slice.
Marksman Cassidy chases the traitor all around the pool and through the park before finally cornering them...only to have a bucket of water dumped on her.
Marksman Cassidy: This. Means. War.
Fencer Damon would probably give Cassidy a book on swords or something or even an actual sword (or maybe a replica one). Imagine if Fencer did a mock sword fight with Cassidy and the others with foam swords. Honestly I can see Fencer Cassidy doing something similar with Crypt and the others, especially while they're waiting for the cake to finish baking.
Entrepreneur Cassidy would probably name some of the ducks in her game after her friends and partners, especially MP Damon.
Music Producer Cassidy would get a ton of video games, anime, plushies, nerf guns, and even a new synth for her birthday from her partners and friends and would "force" Historian to learn how to play video games (she, along with Diana, Mark and the rest of the cringe squad, definitely gasp dramatically when Historian tells them he never played video games or watched anime before.)
Imagine if they actually made a bomb for a video one day or Pro Gamer got her a bath bomb. Blacksmith Cassidy and Pro Gamer probably do a ton of videos together, especially since Cassidy's pretty strong and can lift heavy stuff. Imagine if they made a robot buddy together.
Captain Amber would love blasting plushies out of her little cannon (just like Captain Maitsu) along with stuff like balls, glitter, confetti, or even mini pies or cakes (not sure how big her cannon is). Mathlete Jett definitely helps her aim her cannon too. It's all fun and games until they get glitter on Historian Eva's dress & hair.
Cassidy would love playing her new headset all night (well, after she gives Nona a big kiss first of course.) Hopefully the headset isn't cursed and Cassidy doesn't get trapped in a game (again).
What do you think Mathlete, Entrepreneur, & Marksman would get for their respective Cassidys?
Entrepreneur is avoiding eye-contact (and looking at Cassidy's smug face) while he calmly gets his slice & sits back down to enjoy it
Marksman!Cassidy proceeds to utterly decimate everyone that stands in her way to enacting her righteous vengeance. There's a trail of water-soaked bodies left behind everywhere she goes
oh, can definitely see Fencer!Damon doing that for Historian!Cassidy. Boy searches for the most extensive history book on swords & demonstrates several techniques for her. and true, Fencer!Cassidy & Crypt would totally also foam-sword-fight while waiting for the cake to finish
yep, there are several familiar names given to the characters....and the duck is completely-coincidentally named Damon (MP isn't sure whether to smirk or scowl when he sees it lol)
yeah, Historian's getting a crash course in online culture, anime, & video games once the cringe squad finds out
lol, he probably did give her a bath bomb for the joke. Actual bomb-making is for a future day of Pro Gamer's non-soulmates, yeah Blacksmith!Cassidy's probably the one that shows up the most on his streams. And they would definitely try that (....though given who they are, the robot probably ends up being accidentally evil)
yeah Captain Amber is absolutely testing out the limits of her cannon in regards to bullets & targets lol. ah....even though it's her birthday (and she's stronger), she still ends up running away after seeing Historian!Eva's face
Main!Cassidy is 100% going to play some horror VR games the first chance she gets after thanking her awesome girlfriend. yeah.....or worse, others getting trapped again
Mathlete gets Influencer!Cassidy a game-themed phone case (maybe even one that's a functional console), Entrepreneur gives Lawyer!Cassidy a fancy mahogany desk with secret compartments, & Marksman gifts Debater!Cassidy a handmade painting of her favorite game's night sky
When Lawyer Cassidy sees her desk she just stares for a minute before grabbing Entrepreneur's tie & pulling him into a kiss.
Marksman Cassidy would be ruthless. Imagine if she got in a standoff with Ship Captain Wenona and maybe Fencer Toshiko.
Hopefully it's not this bath bomb. Alas, poor Blacksmith Cassidy and Pro Gamer. All they wanted was to make a little robot buddy/butler (with a cute little bowtie) and now they'e being held hostage by their robot buddy (who wants to take over the world in order to make them some cookies-it's a long story) while the others try to save them.
Yeah, Historian Eva would be out for blood. Imagine if Historian Eva chased Captain Amber to the new Pirate Exhibit in her museum and Cassidy had to pretend to be a pirate to save face and Eva used her cane as a fake sword (pirate gfs sword fighting for a bunch of kids).
Imagine Debater Cassidy playing Superfight with her polycule.
Oof. You know what would be awful? If Diana & Kai got trapped in a horror video game with Cassidy and everyone had to get them out before they died especially if dying in the game means dying in real life. Eva would probably be the best at getting her girlfriends and FWB out of the game alive, especially since she plays a ton of horror games.
Alternatively, imagine if Eva and Cassidy got trapped together.
Entrepreneur is a bit worried about her silence before getting proof of just how much she appreciates his gift
yeah, those 2 are likely to be the last ones standing against Marksman!Cassidy, and they actually last a pretty long time before she finally gets them
lol poor them </3.....they might have accidentally connected some wires in the wrong spots, as they soon find out once they're kidnapped & tied up...at least their captor is cute
Captain Amber can't lose her dignity in front of a group of kids lest she be shamed for life! So she absolutely has to grab one of the gift shop's plastic swords & duel her girlfriend
oh, can definitely see that. Even if she doesn't get good cards, Debater!Cassidy can argue for why her choice would win more often than not
ah, poor Diana & Kai....they're 100% freaking out the whole time (though Diana's better at hiding it). Luckily they've got Eva & Cassidy there to save them, though it's a close call
they probably handle it much easier in that case. They are grabbing every potential resource they can carry, paying attention to their surroundings, and most importantly they are not splitting up
Lawyer Cassidy would make out with Entrepreneur on the desk, but she doesn't want to ruin it yet. She definitely keeps the plushie Entrepreneur gave her on her new desk. Imagine if she made a little cage and prison uniform for it and puts the plushie in "jail" when she's mad/upset at Entrepreneur.
Marksman Cassidy gloats so much about kicking everyone's ass when she finally defeats them...until Toshiko challenges her to a (foam) sword fight.
Luckily, Influencer Wolfgang saves the day by offering to teach the little robot how to make cookies if they give up their quest for world domination (while the others rescue Cassidy and Pro Gamer). Of course, this being Influencer Wolfgang their attempts end up being burnt up messes, but at least he distracts the robot long enough for Pro Gamer to reprogram it. Marksman Wenona definitely threatens to make them take a bath with a sodium bath bomb next time one of their robots turns evil.
(Side Note: I love Superfights and still have it somewhere. I just don't have a lot of people to play it with.) Debater Cassidy's partners see Superfights in town one day and just immediately know they'd have to get it for her birthday.
Yep! It would tarnish her honor as a ship captain if she let a pirate defeat her in front of a bunch of little sailors, even a pirate as pretty as Eva. It would be a tough battle, but eventually Captain Amber defeats the evil "pirate"...who pouts and gets Golfer (who had followed them there) to fight Captain Amber next and "avenge her honor!"
Matchmaker Cassidy would definitely get Drag Racer Wolfgang to drive her around in his dragster. Imagine if she convinced Reiji to dye his hair and let her do his makeup (and the others' makeup too) however she wants (it's very sparkly and bright with mostly gold and green colors, but it suits him). She might even get Reiji and the others to do her makeup and hair too.
Cassidy and Eva would be such a badass duo together, especially when they have to save/protect the pinkies (who definitely give them lots of kisses once they're safe). Imagine Kai beating a zombie with a selfie stick or a skateboard and Diana stabbing a monster with a high heel or giving a vengeful ghost a makeover to appease them (especially if they were disfigured when they were killed)
yeah, considering how Entrepreneur looked away while vaguely answering when she asked how much it was, she wants to keep it in good condition for at least a few years. And of course the plushie is right next to her collection of photos of the rest of the polycule and I can definitely see that lol. the others can tell when she & Entrepreneur had a fight with just one look
while Marksman!Cassidy has the height & reach advantage, Fencer!Toshiko has her beat in agility and proceeds to obliterate her with the foam sword
Pro Gamer & Blacksmith!Cassidy are pouting when they're told to shut it down, but considering the chaos it almost caused (and their girlfriend's threat) they reluctantly turn off their little robot friend....until they learn how to make not-evil programs, at least
yeah, from searching it up, it does seem like a game made just for Debater!Cassidy lol
it's a long arduous battle (only like 5 minutes) but Captain Amber is victorious once again! ......until Golfer shows up (he's a bit less enthused about play-fighting for the amusement of children, but liking his girlfriend wins out over any embarrassment he might feel over it). Though while he's a tougher opponent, the valiant captain still wins & is idolized by the kids for the rest of the time she's at the museum
Oh, Matchmaker!Cassidy absolutely does and enjoys getting to go fast (almost as much as she enjoys seeing the normally calm & composed Wolfgang suffering from road rage). And while she's not Cosmetologist!Ulysses, she makes Reiji & the others look stunning (even if Reiji only agrees to a single streak instead of fully dying)....and they try their best with her own hair & makeup in return
They go into the game, ready to save Kai & Diana, only to find them managing to take care of themselves lol (though they probably would've been overwhelmed soon if Eva & Cassidy didn't arrive soon)
Lawyer Cassidy: *Not even looking up from her work* Because they've bourgeoisie criminal scum just like their father.
Entrepreneur: You know it's illegal to punish someone for someone else's crimes, right?
Pro Gamer Damon and Blacksmith Cassidy would be so upset when they have to shut down "Alfred" and definitely do an overdramatic memorial for him...until they finally get his programming right.
Debater Cassidy would absolutely love Superfights & explaining how her Ninja with laser eyes could totally beat a robotic t-rex with a ray gun. Imagine if Main Damon and the other Maitsuverse debaters played it with her too.
Matchmaker Cassidy, Influencer Cassidy, and Cosmetologist Cassidy would definitely love doing their polycules' (plus their Toshikos') hair and makeup. Cosmetologist Cassidy would definitely make a few of them look like video game characters.
Fencer Toshiko totally does not gloat when she beats Marksman Cassidy ("ladies do not gloat even in the most satisfying victories), but if Cassidy saw her giggling behind her fan, no she didn't.
Kai would probably need more help than Diana honestly (he's a cry baby). Imagine Diana killing the final boss just when the girls (and Kai) find her before thanking the girls for "saving" her.
Diana: *Holding a bloody high heel* Aw, thanks for saving me!
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