5 Acts of Self-Care to Deal with the Grief of the Orlando Attack
For many of us in the LGBT community, what happened in Orlando is devastating, but itâs something much more than that. It feels like a personal attack. It requires us to grieve in a much deeper way, where we still have the pain with us today...even though it didnât happen in our country.
This shooting in Orlando quite simply re-traumatized us. It reminded us of the fear we had before we came out. It reminded us of the wounds of prejudice and the violence weâve encountered. In this time, we need to be there for each other, for our community, and for ourselves. I wanted to write this blog to remind my community (and myself) of some basic acts of self-care that are necessary through this grieving process:
1. Connect with your community:
Itâs one thing to condemn the attacks through social media, but we need more than that as human beings. We need social support, and in-person connection. We need to feel like a drop in an ocean that feels the way we do. If your city has a vigil, or a community panel, go to it. Meet up with friends and talk about it. The way to deal with the emotions is not alone. Itâs incredibly healing to be surrounded by others who are grieving with you. Donât mistake the importance of showing up and taking up space.
2. Prayer/Meditation:
Prayer can be a powerful tool in situations where you have no control. It doesnât really matter if youâre religious or even believe in God, prayer is a way to focus on humanity and send positive energy out into the universe. Studies have found it can be incredibly healing - one systematic review (a review of a bunch of clinical studies) found that 71% of the studies they reviewed found a benefit to prayer (either participants praying for themselves, or people praying for them). Some of these studies were randomized controlled trials, meaning the participants (if other people were praying for them) and the researchers did not know which group was being prayed for and which was not. One study reviewed even found women undergoing in-vitro fertilization because of infertility were much more likely to become pregnant when being prayed for, as opposed to the control group that was not. Say a prayer for the victims, for the families, and for your community. If thatâs not for you, try sitting with yourself in a guided meditation - that can be healing too.
If youâre having trouble sleeping, chamomile tea is a ânervineâ which basically means a herb that helps calm your mind. Valerian and Kava-Kava are similar, but stronger so go to a health professional first if you want to see if theyâre right for you. Even having a glass of wine can help, but be careful, excessive alcohol can worsen sleep (even though it puts you to bed, it actually causes lighter non-restful sleep), and worsens anxiety the next day. Limit yourself to 1-2 glasses of wine if you use alcohol to unwind.
Now that the work week has started, our busy schedule can make us forget about meals. Especially during this time of grief, itâs so important to eat regular frequent meals. Dips in blood sugar can trigger extreme emotions, especially anxiety. Iâve seen the magnitude of this in my own practice often, and itâs typically the first foundational treatment Iâll prescribe for anxiety before anything else.
5. Donât Read It if You Know Youâll be Triggered Again
Weâre being bombarded with articles about the attack today and probably throughout the whole week, and although it can be helpful to read more opinion pieces that articulate how we feel, be sure to check in with yourself to see how you are doing emotionally before reading another piece. Sometimes the trigger can set off a lot of emotional upset - which is fine, but if youâre at work, or youâre emotionally exhausted, you may not have the resources to deal with it at that time.
If you feel a deeper sense of anxiety or depression, I encourage you to see a grief counselor (I believe the 519 community centre here in Toronto has this service) or go to a MD/ND to get further assessed. Iâm saying a prayer for you all as I write this, and Iâd like to end this blog with a quote from last nightâs vigil in Toronto that I found particularly touching:
âCourage is not the absence of fear, but the TRIUMPH over itâ
Let us continue to live courageously, and to fight for love for all.
For more information on my practice visit www.rahimkanjind.com
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