Last night I dreamt that I fell in love.
The dream was brief but quite vivid. It was something not a single word could explain. Exceptional and thrilling at the same time. I could hardly call it a dream.
His smile leaving a sweet sensation, his gaze was so deep.. piercing my deepest soul. And his hug felt so tight, even when I woke up I could still feel the warmth that he gave. Just like a fire burning in the winter, his presence felt substantial.
The heat circulating throughout my body, some funny little dance tickling inside my tummy and my heart was beating ferociously. A weird invisible kind of sensation had taken control of me. It was something like a chemical reaction, something beyond my authority.
Am I in love? Is it possible to be in love with someone you met in a dream?
Talking about his face, I couldn’t recall exactly how it was. Something that I remember, his eyebrows was thick, and he has a pointed nose. But I couldn’t remember the color of his eyes, I could only remember his gaze, it was so deep that it took my focus away.
I couldn’t picture the shape of his lips, all I could remember was the sweetness that it gave, I was losing my mind for a split second. He was tall, the shape of his face was ovale with a wavy medium length hair. He wore striped tee with a jacket jeans.
I dreamt how we looked so happy and our eyes were sparkling while we were holding hands and talking about the future. He told me how I meant the world to him and how he felt so lucky to be with me. And when he smiled, I felt some kind of vibrations that I couldn’t find the exact word to explain.
We were in planetarium. Watching the stars, the moon, the planets, and all that the universe had to slow. It was such a magnificent view. His appearance looked glowing in the darkness.
He looked at me with eyes wide open and asked” Are you happy?”
I haven’t had the chance to answer, I woke up.
It was 6 in the morning when I woke up. I could here the sound of the rain outside the window. I got out of the bed and opened the curtain to see tha it was a beautiful rain falling.
I played Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong’s “Dream a Little Dream of Me” on my turntable to this beautiful and serene Sunday morning. Though it felt a little somber in my deepest heart. I felt sort of losing someone that I had been with for years, someone that I loved.
No that I knew how it feels, though. These twenty one years of living, I had never tasted the true feeling of falling in love. Maybe just a little hint of it, but never whole. This may sound ridiculous, but it was what it was.
Monday afternoon after class. I went to this little coffee shop near my campus named Sweet Marmalade. I like going to the place, it isn’t a hype kind cafe. Just a small and cozy place. It looks more like a living room than a place to call a cafe. I ordered a green tea latte and sat down beside the window. I didn’t drink coffee so I always ordered tea, sometime ice chocolate or fresh juice.
I opened the book that I brought to finish. But no matter how hard I tried to focus on it. I couldn’t. I throw a glance outside the window. The street packed with cars and people. It was busy hours, people were racing to get to their home after a long day at work. My view looked jammed, but it all suddenly disappeared and all I could see was his appearance floating in the space of my thought.
I found it hard to believe that a particular brief dream had that tremendous power to creep in throughout my deepest consciousness. Leaving behind a trace of memory, as if it was something real. In my head there was this big question mark asking, “In all the possibilities the word has to offer, could we meet again?”
Nights went by not a single dream I had having him inside.
Was it our first and last meeting? I had to meet him again, to seek for the answer I needed. Those few days, I couldn’t keep my mind focus on what I was doing. No matter how hard I was trying to focus, I kept losing it along the way. He was all I could think about. The sensation that he gave lingers on me.
And that was when I realized that I was in love with a man in my dream. I was trapped in a labyrinth with no way to escape until someone guide me to find the exit.
I opened my eyes and found him, He was sitting in front of me. We were inside Sweet Marmalade, Sitting beside the window. It was a bright day, with a clear blue sky and a cat-shaped clouds. No one else to be seen, only us. There was a glass of banana milkshake and hot americano on the coffee table in front of us. “Dream a Little Dream of Me” was played. I tried to pay attention to the details. This is not a dream, was it? Everything was just so real, as if I could stay and live here forever.
And my gaze fixed on him, he was sitting in front of me. Even though it was only a part of my dream, but everything felt so real.
I tried to talk, “You....” I could feel my own voice.
It was not like my previous dream. In this dream I could express my thought. It didn’t feel like I was watching a film, instead i was inside it. I could talk with him and taking control of my own dream.
For a brief moment, I was losing words. Now I could see his face in plain sight. His ovale face with his messy wavy hair. This time he was wearing olive green jumper and khaki pants. He smiled, I could see the shape of his little lips. His eyes was disappear when he smiled. The color of his eyes was light brown. Shone brightly when they met the sun.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“I’m sorry that i have been away these few days. I can’t seem to find my way here,” he said gently. “You see, I can be here if you want me to.”
I stayed silent, didn’t know what he meant.
“I could be in your dream, in your mind, it is because you wanted me to. And I couldn’t be inside your dream, if you didn’t let me to. You got what I mean?”
“You were not ready. You have this series of toughts inside that head of yours. You felt anxious and fear. You are full of doubt. The state of your mind was in chaos. So you can’t meet me. until tonight, when you feel better and calmer.”
“Are you happy? That question again.
“It doesn’t matter why, all I need to know is, are you happy?” He paused, took a sip of his hot americano and then looked me in the eyes. “This is a complicated world. World of a dreams,” he explained. “What you see in your dreams are the fragments of your everyday life. A series of thoughts, memories, and hopes from the past, present and future.” He held my hands. I could feel the touch but not its warmth.
“But I wanted you, I wanted to see you so much that I almost losing my mind. And I still can’t see you. Why?”
His question puzzled me, Am I happy? But why does it take to be happy? Is everything that I have now is enough to make me a happy person? I lived my life as normal as all girls my age. Go to classes, study, doing assignments and doing my hobby, go to bookstore and read. I didn’t have many people to call friends, only some of people that I value but no many of them,I kept my circle small. The smaller, the better the quality, as I always believe. My love life meant nothing. I never felt love as a whole. Just a sprinkle of it and didn’t mean a thing to me. Happy? What does it actually mean? Is everything that I did was enough to complete me?
“I came upon your heart request,” he smiled, “There is that tiny part in the corner of your heart that needs my figure. I’m the result of your hopes and imagination of the future. Even though sometimes you deny it, but deep inside your heart, you feel lonely and wanted someone to come and give you the meaning of life.”
I opened my eyes. He disappeared.
Though my heart felt sad like it was before, strangely I felt relieved. For now I realized, living in the dream might be sweet and beautiful. But it was not real.
I looked around my surrounding and the ceiling with a feeling of loss. But I knew I would not meet him again. At least not in my dreams. Slowly, she opened her eyes and he disappeared.
And that was time when I decide to find the love of my own. The real one. (Universe of Dream - Floating in Space - Naela Ali)
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