ray

I got removed from one of my society on thursday is 19 march, they just dropped a fkn text at night around 7pm, I'll be honest it didn't feel so bad like I knew it was gonna happen but it happened a little early than expected maybe for the good, shouldn't be stretched, better now than later because I wasn't really that consistent and I was passing it off as a joke to my fellow members/classmates even I was planning on leaving the society if I don't get por (which I was sure I won't) because my head don't really likes me so she'd never refer me but I was okay let's just do it what's harm but now they have removed me what stings is not being removed but getting unfair treatment I mean there were more members in da team who does the same work like me of getting sponsors wete too not consistent, they also didn't get reminders, they had no ss of march, I had atleast 2 but I was the who got highlighted because of my head these things are usually taken into account by head they mostly refer the person cuz they know the member best, I was targeted anyway good for them, fuck them, fuck the society, it ain't worth my emotions yea I was a little consistent but so were they but they just chose me as an example makes me realize I wasn't actually learning anything major there I actually pulled 2 speakers never got recognised for that but fine bitches you do you do, I do me, Ima baddie okay nvm no cuss may you all get the good out there cuz you lost the best so second best option is good for you. All the more reasons to do smthg for myself only, personal projects that'll add to my cv and that exam too, no photo below not feeling it haha got you putting one fs.

I'm in my 2nd semester and I still am not comfortable in my college surroundings (internally) still can't feel like I belong here I wish to meet those ones whom I'd call buddies but for now we're alone and honestly it ain't so bad I don't depend on anyone to come to college so that I'll come too I'm like a independent creature rn apart from ts my academics are just going like flowing I just finished my bcom exams (my second degree) yea I'm doing 2 degrees it feels so not worth it at times but I'm doing because of ts I couldn't go for college trip cuz I had exams then again I'll have exams in may-june-july consecutively and my society it's also going I'm not too invested if I'm devoting my time anywhere that's my fkn phone. I'm literally getting older than the age I was lying bout on internet when I was a kid, I turned 19, last year of teenage oh gawd, I'm not able to do the things I want I don't want my future self to regret again but please this all is getting too much I wanna do internship, learn guitar, do animation, graphic designing, freelance, video editing, fliming this summer so much ikr but can't even do one thing properly swim too get clear skin and glow up like crazy and next time I'll come back early give you more updates, btw this pic is from my practical evs class (yea they teach evs to adults too), I painted nails too for the first time in years, I suck at that too.

ts summer has everything I never wanted, never ever in any of my vision like sometimes I wish for a time machine just to go back and fix my mistakes which now are resulting not the best results, I feel like whatever currently happening is not real, just something I'm seeing in my sleep what ppl would call a abominable dream and I wish to open my eyes but only if I could, oh god I wish to go back and tell the old me to stop wasting your time and study so that it'd be better for myself in the future anyway still I believe in that everything will get fixed I just have to keep my patience and hope for the best (I can't) the thing that hurts the most is falling behind and freezing at one place whilst I see people going forward in their lives and the worst is I can't control myself and my steps forward, just numb, cold & frozen.

In another universe maybe I'd be anywhere else except where I'm stuck at rn like fr this ain't me, never been me I wish to get that version of me back which I'm longing for now. Like please come back.